FADING: A novel

“They can be a lot. They’re pretty pretentious.”

 

“Candace, no one has perfect parents. Everyone’s flawed in some way.”

 

We walk back to the covered patio and sit down on one of the benches. I tie my scarf tighter around my neck, and Ryan wraps his arm around my shoulders.

 

“So, you grew up here in Shoreline?” he asks.

 

“Yeah. In this very house. The Kelley’s, who live across the street, have a daughter that’s the same age as me. We used to be best friends when we were growing up.”

 

“And now?”

 

“And now all I really have is Jase, Mark . . . and you.”

 

“What about your roommate?”

 

“Kimber? We used to be really close, but not so much anymore.”

 

“So what happened to all your friends from high school?”

 

“They’ve moved on. Applying to grad schools, getting married, making a life for themselves. Most of the kids here wind up becoming people like my parents. More concerned about their image and what social circle they are in. It’s not me, so I never cared enough to stay in touch with anyone.”

 

I feel Ryan squeeze my shoulder and pull me in tighter, and I’m starting to feel uncertain about all this. Him. Having him here with my parents. Talking about myself. Him touching me. I pull away and stand up, needing a little space to try and calm my nerves.

 

“We should go back inside,” I say.

 

Walking back into the house, my father calls from the library, “Candace, could you come in here?”

 

“Yeah, just a second,” I holler back. I turn to Ryan and say, “I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home.”

 

“Do you want me to come with you?”

 

“No, it’s okay.”

 

When I walk into the library, both of my parents are waiting for me, and my father tells me to shut the door behind me. I do so, anxiously wondering what this is all about.

 

As I walk further into the room, my dad says, “Well, I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who works in admissions at Columbia. He owed me a favor and was able to pull some strings to get you a conditional acceptance for the fall semester.”

 

“What?”

 

“This is wonderful news, isn’t it, darling?” my mother says.

 

“I’m sorry, but what is this all about?”

 

“Well, we know that you’ve been busy finishing up at U-Dub, so your father and I thought we would help you out by taking care of this.”

 

“Taking care of what?” My head is spinning, and I can’t believe what I am hearing. Are they serious right now?

 

“Honey, you look upset. You should be happy—”

 

Raising my voice I say, “Happy about what?! Happy that you don’t trust me to make decisions for myself? Happy that I know you don’t think I’m good enough? Happy that you feel I am so pathetic that you have to go behind my back to try and control me?”

 

“Candace, lower your voice please,” my father says sternly.

 

“No! I can’t believe you did this!”

 

“I would have hoped Thanksgiving would have given you something to think about, but clearly you are determined to make a fool out of yourself. And to top it all off, you bring home a boy that works in a bar. Honestly, I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

 

“He owns that bar, Mother,” I spat.

 

“It’s not you. This path you’re leading yourself down is not for you,” my mother says.

 

“It’s not for you. You’re too goddamn judgmental to ever live like I do. I’m happy. I wish you could just see that and accept that.” I look to my dad to try and grasp why he would do this. I always thought that he understood me, but he just stares at me with an unfaltering look. I slowly shake my head in disbelief and ask him, “Why?”

 

“Your mother is right, dear. We thought you would come to your senses, but clearly you are stuck in this fantasy of yours. You have a name to uphold.”

 

My eyes start to blur, and when I blink, the tears fall.

 

“I just don’t understand you. You should be thanking your father, not pouting.”

 

“You are unbelievable, Mother!” I continue to yell as I say, “I’m not a child! You can’t just step in and take away everything I have worked so hard for during these past four years! How can you call yourself a mother? You’re nothing! You say you’re embarrassed by me, well it goes both ways.” When I stop to take a breath, I see Ryan rushing in.

 

Holding out his hand, he says, “We’re leaving. Now.”

 

“Excuse me, but this is a private matter,” my mother says to him condescendingly.

 

Looking at Ryan and the anger in his eyes, I can’t seem to stop the tears that are falling. I’m shocked that he would care enough to come in here and stop this fight.

 

“Candace, if you walk out, it’s over. Don’t come back. We refuse to sit back and watch you ruin your life.” I look at my mother and can’t believe she even went there.

 

I shift my eyes to my father’s. “Daddy?”

 

“We’re done letting you play games, bunny. No more.”

 

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