Accepting that Nate is gone forever solidifies my feelings for Bain. As much as I want to fight them…I can’t. Not anymore. He’s so good to me and I really could see a future with him. I’ve sat here miserable for almost a week acting like I don’t care, fighting the roller coaster of emotions that are going through me. When really, it all boils down to one simple fact. I’m fucking in love with him. Looking down at my uneaten pizza and sunken in stomach, I know I’m really empty without him.
When we are together, we both thrive. We can live and we can breathe. I don’t want a fairy tale, that’s just not me. I want Bain. I want to take each breath with him by my side. The loss of Nate has scarred me, but I need to push past that pain and look at the bigger picture of my life. God gave me an amazing gift in Bain and it’s up to me on how I proceed.
With tears in my eyes, I sulk into the couch. Aubrey sets her pizza down and wraps me in her arms. I lean into her and let it all out. Every twisted, pent up emotion I’ve been holding on to. Every ounce of pain, love, anger, hurt, regret, sadness. All of it. I let it all bleed out of my eyes. Through my sobs, I hear his name, “Bain Adams made quite an impression in Memphis earlier in the week. Now the Grizzlies are in talks with the Suns to make a big trade in order to secure the fourth pick in this year’s quickly looming NBA draft. The trade is rumored to include Garrett Jones and Paul Rod, as well as the Grizzlies’ thirteenth pick and a second round pick in next year’s draft. Where will the ever-talented Adams end up? It’s looking like Tennessee could soon be his home. I’ll have live coverage of his second workout tomorrow in Tennessee. I’m Reagan Reynolds for Channel Two Sports.”
Both Aubrey and I stare at the TV. Bain is moving on with his life. He’s going to get drafted somewhere and move away without me, unless I make this right. Wiping the tears off of my cheeks with the back of my hand, I whisper, “Tennessee?”
“You better call him.”
I shake my head and get off the couch, finally following my heart for the first time since all of this shit started.
“No.” Walking into my room, I grab my backpack off the top shelf of my closet and throw some clothes inside.
Aubrey walks in and asks, “What are you doing?”
“I need to see him. Aubrey, I have to fix this. Will you drive me to the airport?”
“Arion, are you fucking crazy? You don’t even have a plane ticket, or a job to pay for one for that matter.”
Turning around I pull on a pair of jeans and look at her. “I can book my flight in the car on a credit card. Please drive me.”
She nods her head and walks out of my room. With my backpack crammed full of God only knows what and my wallet in hand, I walk into the living room where my best friend is waiting for me with her car keys and iPad. She glances at me briefly, then looks back down at the iPad and says, “There’s a 7:15 flight. Depending on traffic, we might be able to make it.”
“How do you know it’s the right airport?”
“I picked the one closest to Memphis.”
“Thank you, girl, you’re the best.” She hands me the iPad and we head out, getting into her little sports car. For a split second, I doubt doing this. It’s crazy. But being brazen is what brought us together. As I select a one-way ticket, I couldn’t be surer of the decision. I could call him now, but everything I need to say I have to say in person, my heart is telling me that he’s there – so I follow it.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Aubrey asks me.
“I know it is. Aubrey, I…I love him. I love him more than anything in this world. I’m done playing this tough card and being worried about getting my heart hurt, because you know what? All of this hurts, and being without him is unbearable. If he turns me down, the pain can’t be any worse than what I’m going through now.”
“Okay, girl. I love you no matter what happens and will be here for you.”
“I know that, thank you. You know, Aubrey, I followed my heart with Nate and I wouldn’t change a thing looking back. That’s why I’m doing the same with Bain. I don’t want to live life with regrets.”
“I’m so happy for you. I wish I had someone like him, you’re making the right choice A.”
Aubrey weaves in and out of traffic, driving a bit erratically in true Jersey fashion. Glancing at the clock, I can’t help but worry that I’ll miss the flight. If I do, there are others. I can’t go there now and start worrying before anything’s happened.
With thirty-seven minutes ’til departure, the airport is now in sight.
“Please call me when you land,” Aubrey says.
“I will, thank you.”
“Of course, A. Good luck.”