“Leaving my life was…” I exhale holding on to the sides of the podium. My heart is pounding as I stare at the audience of people watching me. I use what I’ve learned in the program to calm my nerves. God, how do I say it? “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. When you take the things in your life for granted, then are given a second chance, you can so easily slip into the same old habits. For me that’s exactly what happened. I, like everyone else speaking here today, have my own story, but ultimately we all suffered through some sort of trauma during the war, resulting in our lives being forever changed.” I look at my family and Elania, all sitting so proudly in the second row. “Today, I am up here because of my parents and my girlfriend.” I point to them and El blows me a kiss. “I can look at them and all of you and say that I am thankfully leaving here a changed man. I’ve faced my demons and can now focus on the future and in doing so have the tools to not make the same mistakes again.” I look at El as I speak those words letting her know that I’ve done this all for her and for us. “Thank you,” I speak into the microphone before taking my place.
The crowd claps and it gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I was so nervous for the speech today. Hell, I’ve been nervous about it since I found out that I had to give it. But I did it because of the strength Elania gives me.
Listening to the last few guys give their speeches makes me realize just how damn lucky I am to have made it through the program. Not many of us did. I think over half of the vets left. But still, today there are thirteen of us. As the director gives the closing speech, I hold tightly to the journal that has been my outlet during this entire experience. From the day I walked in and left El and my parents, to reliving each and every torturous moment that I endured while I was held captive. Everything was written down in here, and I didn’t do it for me, nor was it required by the facility. I did it for El. I want to be open and honest with her in every way imaginable. This journal does that.
The crowd disperses and everyone heads to the banquet room for our lunch gathering. I give both of my parents a hug. “I’m so proud of you,” my mom says to me. Looking her in the eye, I say the same thing. She hugs me and I’m so grateful that I have both her and my dad here today as well. “Can I have a moment with El?” I ask them.
“Of course,” my mom says, holding on to my shoulders.
I give her a kiss, then watch her walk off holding my dad’s hand. I’m so proud of her and happy that she has come as far as she has. She is in great shape and has really kicked her MS in the ass, regaining much of her lost ground. She even moved back home, just like I will be doing today.
El stares up at me as gorgeous and loving as ever. Looking down at her, I really don’t know how I got so fucking lucky, or why she even stuck by me. But, she did.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am that this day is finally here,” I tell her, holding her hand as we walk outside.
“I know, me too.” I kiss her hand.
Walking outside, I head towards our favorite spot. Elania was able to come visit me every week for an hour on Sundays and we would always walk down the dock that spans out into the middle of the lake to just visit. Having this break was good in a sense. It was like we started our relationship over again.
But while I was away, it wasn’t just about me. Elaina did a lot for herself too. After a short trip home to see her parents, she then started seeing Roger every week and she said that the visits with him have been tremendously helpful with the things she’s been dealing with for a long time.
Both of us have come so far. We love each other and have known that for a long time now, and have built a solid foundation to rest that love on. “Nate, I’m so proud of you,” she tells me as we reach the end of the pier.
“I’m just as proud of you, baby. You didn’t give up on me and trusted in me, when I didn’t make the best decisions.”
“I love you, Nate, and I know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” She smiles as she speaks. “I know that you will never do anything to jeopardize us again.”