“Look at us both, too scared to really live and do things the way we want to.”
I snapped and shoved at his chest. “Do you think I just sit here working and struggling because I’m too scared? I’m here because I made a deal. My brother and I only have each other left and we made a deal, it’s his turn. Then it will be mine. Maybe you don’t know what it’s like to make a sacrifice for someone else. I can only assume you made it in your career by always putting yourself first. Well, the rest of the world doesn’t live in your empty vacuum. We have lives, and families, or had,” I amended. “And choices. And we make decisions based on all of those things, not just the ones that put ourselves at the top. Maybe the reason you are so lonely is you never think of anyone else!”
He flinched like I’d followed through on my urge to slap him. I knew I’d gone too far. I hadn’t really meant that. I was just so angry, and the words that streamed from me wanted to cut him and make him feel as bad I did. Punish him for making me feel like a na?ve, unambitious girl who wasn’t good enough for him.
To my shame, I suddenly realized, as I had this afternoon up in the attic, that he was right in a way. I had been scared. I was using Joey as an excuse not to do something with my life. I wanted to apologize, but he spoke first.
“You’re wrong,” he said quietly. “I haven’t thought about anyone but you since the moment we met.”
The crackle of the fire was suddenly deafening in the silence between us. Did he really just say that?
“So,” I started, unsure of how to interpret his conflicting words. “So, I still don’t understand.”
His hands came up to the back of his neck again as he looked down at the ground. The action drew my attention to his broad shoulders. Oh, how I wanted those arms wrapped around me. When he looked up again the stark emotion on his face was unlike anything I had seen. I had read books and books about men and women betraying a world of emotions with just one glance. I used to chalk it up to artistic license, but this was really happening. I swallowed.
“Did you mean it today when you said you were sorry you kissed me?” he asked, his eyes searching mine.
Never. I was going to hang onto those memories forever. I managed to shake my head.
“Did you mean it, just now, when you said it was careless?” I responded, barely finding my voice.
“Touché,” he said, his tone low. “I haven’t lied to you, Keri Ann. About anything. When I told you I had never felt this way before I meant it. When you walked out today, I ... it ... ” He bunched a fist up and planted it knuckles down in the center of his chest. “I shouldn’t have let you go. Or maybe I should have, for your sake. I ... shit, this is hard.”
I waited. I was on that freaking tightrope again, except this time someone else was in control of it. I didn’t like it one bit. The hope warring with the hurt in my gut was making me nauseous.
“I guess what I’m asking you, Keri Ann ... is ... knowing what you know, about Audrey, about the contract ... about me ... will you take a chance?”
I wondered if he knew how amazing he looked wet. I mean, what with the sweaty Jack, the paddleboarding Jack, the swimming Jack, and now the rain-soaked Jack, I really wasn’t being given much in the way of strength to say no.
I walked over to the blanket near where he was standing and sat down facing the fire. I hugged my knees to my chest. I needed my hot chocolate. Seeing it on the mantle next to him, I pointed at it.
“Farmboy, fetch me that pitcher?” I was hoping the Princess Bride reference would help ease the tension a little.
He paused a moment at my non-sequitur, and then the dimple appeared with his faint smile, and he handed it to me.
“As you wish.”
I smiled back and took it.
“Thanks.”
I took a sip, thankful it was still warm. I held it out to him, and he crouched down again next to me.
“Taste?” I asked.
He took it from my hand, but instead of taking a sip, he set it down on the floor out of reach. Then his hand cupped my face and turned me toward him, his eyes searching mine.
“Say yes, Keri Ann.”
I sighed and closed my eyes against the feel of his skin.
“Yes.” It was the easiest thing I’d ever said.
He shifted, dropping his knees to the floor in front of me. His other hand came up to cradle my face, his thumbs running over my jaw and cheekbones. I watched him under my lashes as his eyes roamed my face, and then his mouth descended to my forehead, each eyelid, one cheekbone, then the other, and finally, my mouth.
I clutched his wrists for balance as his tongue lightly ran over the seam of my lips. I opened to him, and he groaned.