“Do you know where I live?” she accused.
I rolled my eyes.
“Yes.”
She was quiet for a while, but I couldn’t really gauge her thoughts because I had to focus on the narrow, disjointed streets.
“Okay,” she said resolutely. “It makes sense you’d know where I live. I’m sure it took you a while to find me.”
“It did.” I smiled again, but I can’t be sure it was genuine. I don’t like answering questions, especially ones that sound like a trap.
“How long have you known where I am?” The tone of her voice was less than friendly.
“Livvie, I—”
“Caleb. You promised.”
I gritted my teeth.
“I’ve known for a few weeks.” I slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting a group of drunken idiots crossing the street. Fucking teenagers, they thought they owned the world. I rolled down my window without thinking and yelled at them. “Get the fuck out of the road!” One of them gave me the finger and called me a fag in Spanish. “I’ll show you a fag, you little bitch. I’ll fuck-start your head!”
“Caleb!” Livvie cried out and gripped my arm. I snapped my head toward her and I could see she was more than a little frightened. It irritated me more than I understood at the time. I watched as the group of soccer idiots kept walking down the street. They were still laughing and shouting at me. I wanted to shoot each of them in the kneecaps.
A horn blared behind me. I stepped on the gas and propelled us into a roundabout a bit too quickly.
“This isn’t going the way I hoped, Livvie. You’re obviously scared of me and I’m just getting irritated. Maybe I should take you home.” I felt a pang in my chest as I spoke. I didn’t want to take her home, at least not to drop her off. But I couldn’t take much more cat and mouse. It’s just not who I am.
“If that’s what you want, then I think you better.” She was definitely angry.
“No. It’s not what I want. I wouldn’t have gone through all the damn trouble to find you if that’s what I wanted. Please be rational.”
“You be rational, Caleb. You show up out of the fucking blue and just expect me to fall on my back and throw my legs open for you? No! Not until I know what the hell you’ve been up to for the last year. Not until I know why you’re back in my life and what you expect from me.”
Okay, that made sense. I knew it did. I didn’t have to like it. My entire life had changed. I’d given up everything I knew and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. Why do women have to do so much talking? If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re thirsty, drink. If you want somebody to fuck the guts out of you, just say so!
Of course, I knew I couldn’t say any of those things without proverbially shooting myself in the foot. I’d come to grovel. I’d fucking grovel. I took a deep breath and slowed down. The car could practically idle and do 40kph.
“I don’t expect you to fall on your back and throw your legs open.” I spoke calmly. “But it would be nice.” I glanced in her direction and gave her my most suggestive smile. She glared at me.
“I don’t know what I expected, Pet. I’ve been thinking about you for a long time. I guess I just want to say I’m sorry. I know I can’t erase our past. I can’t promise you I’m a completely different person. I’m messed up in ways most people can’t possibly understand, but I care about you. I had to find you and tell you you’re the only thing I care about anymore.” I kept my eyes on the road and swallowed hard. My pride is thick and I may have had to swallow more than once to force it down.
She sighed.
“I… care about you too, Caleb. The past year hasn’t been easy for me. It’s not just moving, or letting go of my family and friends….” She was silent for a minute. When she spoke, there were tears in her voice. “You betrayed me.”
She may as well have slapped me again. Maybe punched me in the stomach for good measure. She knew how much the word “betrayed” would get to me.
“How?” I asked the question as smoothly as I could.
“I was ready to go with you. After everything you’d done. And you just… left me. You have no idea what I had to go through. How hard I had to work to become… human.” She whispered the words. She looked out the window and watched the same streets pass her.