I knew my shields were not all the way down but there was no way I could go any further. My insides contracted painfully. The coldness that never fully eased its grip seeped into my blood and bones completely, like a poison, reaching all the way to my dysfunctional heart. The ache consumed me with such terrible grief that I screamed out in agony. My legs shook, about to give way. I stumbled but couldn’t focus on anything around me.
An arm snaked around my waist from behind, its path warm and strong when there had been no warmth, no strength. Without being able to think or control my actions my body leaned back into the embrace, craving more. The sanity. The small reprieve. His other arm moved into position loosely around my neck and as I felt him press over my heart I wanted to cry out again, this time in relief.
‘Kill shot.’
His voice was so steady.
My legs gave out completely, but he held me up, his hand gliding slowly down my rigid arm until his palm slid into mine. His fingers lined up with each of mine and then, unmercifully reminding me of moments I could never have again, his fingers slowly – warmly – closed and squeezed tightly just as his lips grazed my ear and he whispered, ‘Put them back up.’
He braced me as I trembled and started to do just as he’d instructed, rebuilding the walls that protected me from the truth.
As soon as I was strong enough to stand, Lincoln stepped away from me.
I turned to face the Assembly again, refusing to look any weaker than was already obvious to the entire room.
I could feel Lincoln studying me. I glanced in his direction defiantly to see his brow furrowed as if he was confused by something. He opened his mouth to speak but just as quickly closed it and turned back to the Assembly.
‘I’ll lead a team out tomorrow,’ he said, not looking back at me.
The room remained silent.
I took a deep breath, feeling more in control by the second. Overwhelmed by the whole thing and more than anything simply sad, I shook my head. ‘You really have turned into one of them, haven’t you?’ And suddenly I was completely exhausted.
What have we done to one another?
Lincoln flinched and I looked up at Josephine. ‘You’re making a mistake doing things like this and I won’t stay around to watch you put Spence’s life in unnecessary danger. That’s the beauty of being a Rogue. I’ll bring Spence back when I have him.’
With that I turned around and started to walk out.
‘You’ll do no such thing!’ Drenson yelled. I didn’t stop. They didn’t control me and I could already tell that Gray was walking out behind me.
‘Violet!’ Josephine called. I glanced over my shoulder and something about the way she looked at me, almost imploringly, made me pause. ‘The way I see it, the outcome of that challenge was a tie. You and Lincoln will work together, assemble a team you both agree on and share the leadership.’
I shook my head. ‘No. I can’t work with him,’ I said, knowing the full truth of my words.
‘Then I guess it will come down to how much you want to find your friend, because we all know this is the best solution.’ With that she looked at Drenson, making it clear there would be no argument.
I looked around me. Gray rolled his eyes and Steph nodded me on at the same time that Lincoln glanced at Mia for counsel. A shot of jealousy speared me when I saw her give him an encouraging smile.
Finally, I shrugged. ‘We should get into the building tonight.’
Lincoln shook his head instantly. ‘We’ll go during the day tomorrow and make sure no one slips away before we question them.’
I sighed and looked straight into his eyes. ‘I get that you are used to charging through the front doors having nothing to fear, but there is a value to having the defences we do. These walls you were so keen to tear down keep us guarded from exiles. Trust me, if there are big players in that building they’ll be there at night and if there are exiles, we’ll find them before they find us. Give Gray and me an hour in the building tonight. If we don’t come out with anything useful, storm the place until your trigger-happy heart is content tomorrow.’
He dropped his head. ‘You say that like it’s a possibility.’
‘What?’ I asked, confused.
‘Contentment.’ He said it like a throwaway comment and looked towards Mia again. ‘We’ll give this a go. Get the conductors on it. Set up a perimeter and we’ll cover them for an hour.’
Mia nodded and moved away towards the doors. Lincoln turned to me, shooting a sharp glance in Gray’s direction. ‘You and your … partner should be ready to move in half an hour,’ he said before marching out of the room.
I wanted to scream after him, but his words had hit so hard they had sucked the air right out of my lungs.
‘Did he just call me your partner?’ Gray asked, now beside me.
‘He did,’ I replied, still staring at the door Lincoln had just slammed in his wake.
CHaPteR tweLve
‘The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love.’
Jean Racine