Lincoln managed to thwart my second attempt and then delivered a few good hits himself, gaining control. Gray had been right. His focus was adjusting to the fight and I knew I only had the upper hand for a few more moments.
Without hesitation I ran at him, leaping into the air and spinning as I did. My feet hit his chest with enough force to take him straight down onto his back. I surfed him like a wave and landed on top of him, straddling his waist.
I hit him hard across the face once, twice, further startling him, then both of my fists jabbed above his heart.
‘Kill shot!’ I yelled, jumping off Lincoln and putting as much distance as possible between us, trying to control my manic breathing. My body was flipping out while my soul was having some kind of hysterical fit. I needed to get out of this room, fast. It was all too familiar, being so close to him, smelling him, feeling him. And all while sparring, one of the things we used to do so well together.
I put my hands on my hips and addressed the Assembly.
‘I’ll take a team of six and we’ll head out tonight,’ I said to Josephine, but she wasn’t looking at me.
My stomach flipped again.
‘We’re not finished here!’ Lincoln roared from behind me.
I didn’t turn. ‘Oh, I think we are,’ I replied, starting to walk towards the side door. ‘Don’t be a bad loser.’
‘Terms of a challenge are that the participant cannot use internal powers to give them the advantage.’
I paused as I scoffed. ‘I hate to break it to you but my speed and strength are not internal.’
His voice lowered. ‘But the cowardly shields you and your Rogues are famous for relying on so much are.’
I flinched at his words.
Anything but this.
I turned, slowly. Lincoln looked straight at me. Emotionless.
Does he know what he’s doing? What this will do to me? Could he be this cruel?
He raised his eyebrows. ‘You want to beat me, you have to drop your walls.’
I looked up at the Assembly. Drenson was smiling. Josephine seemed surprisingly speechless. I gestured to Lincoln. ‘I’ve already beaten him. This is bullshit!’
Drenson made a pathetically brief attempt to appear compassionate to my argument. ‘Nonetheless, he is right. You have to prove you are of sound mind.’
‘But I beat him physically. Who else has done that in the past two years?’ I challenged, looking around the room.
‘Even so,’ Drenson said, increasingly unable to hide his enjoyment.
Shit.
I can do this.
No! I damn well cannot!
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d let my guard down completely. I wasn’t even sure I’d physically survive it. Part of me suspected that the only reason my soul had not shattered into oblivion the way it was probably supposed to was because I had naturally strong guards. I was broken into smithereens inside but my shields were like a protective glass jar holding them all together.
Ignoring Lincoln’s eyes on me, I wrapped my hands around my waist, considering what would happen if I let the cold take hold.
Pain. That’s what.
There would be so much pain. Even if I could physically survive it, mentally … The constant smarting I endured even with my defences on high made my existence barely tolerable – like sharp knives set on a constant cycle of stab and repeat. The idea of bringing down my walls …
Oh my God.
It would be like putting my body through a meat grinder and my heart through—
I stopped the thought.
Lincoln was a good leader. I truly believed that.
Maybe I should just let him lead and go on my way, try to find Spence on my own.
I glanced over my shoulder to Gray. Even he looked sick.
Shit!
I needed their damn intel. I couldn’t take chances and I needed to be in charge otherwise I couldn’t be sure to cover all bases. Spence had said that Lincoln would be out of his depth. I couldn’t risk that.
‘Fine,’ I gritted out as I forced myself back into position.
Lincoln averted his gaze.
Good. I hope you feel guilty.
‘When you’re ready,’ he said, making it clear he didn’t feel too bad to proceed.
I couldn’t believe he was going to do this to me. But I was almost certain he couldn’t know. How could he? No one knew exactly what it would do to me. He was just playing the game, like I had. Win at all costs.
Slowly, I began to lower my shields for the first time in two years. My soul charged forward like the caged animal it was. And it was not happy with me.
The impact was immediate.