No, no, no.
I had to get the fuck out of here.
Back at the bed and breakfast, I called my travel manager, booking the next flight back to Los Angeles. "No," I said. "Not out of West Bend. Out of Denver or something. I know it's four hours away. I'll drive. I just want the fuck out of this town."
At the same time, I stuffed the few things I wanted to keep into my bag, leaving June a neat pile of the stuff I'd bought here. I wasn't bringing anything with me except what was in my purse. I didn't want any reminders of this place.
Or of Elias.
I left a note for June on the pile, thanking her for her hospitality.
Pen in hand, I hovered over the piece of paper, trying to sort out what I wanted to say to Elias. That was the problem - there was too much I wanted to say.
Fuck it, I thought. I was going to say what I wanted to say.
I closed the door behind me when I left, shutting this chapter of my life. This was just a blip, I thought. In the big scheme of things, it meant nothing.
"What are you two shitheads laughing about?" I asked, waving away the smoke in the air that wafted between him and Roger.
"You," Silas said.
"What do you fucking mean?"
Silas shook his head. "You, and a girl like River Andrews," he said. "Can't fucking believe that shit. You leave her over at June's place? Why didn't you bring her here?"
"Fuck you, man," I said. "And yes, she's at June's."
"Better get back to her, then," Silas said. "Before she comes to her senses and realizes she's been slumming it with you. Girl like that, it's only a matter of time before she realizes she doesn't want a fling with one of the Saint brothers."
"Speak for yourself," I said. "I'm the good looking one."
"We're twins, asshole."
"Don't mean I'm not the better looking of the two of us." I turned to leave. He had a point about River, though. What the hell was she thinking? We'd been hanging out in the house, like we were goddamned honeymooners or something. Someone like her wasn't going to stay in West Bend indefinitely.
I'd been treating this like it was going somewhere, hanging around and talking to her like she was my girlfriend or something.
Fuck, I'd found myself wanting it to go somewhere. I found myself wanting her to stay indefinitely.
"River," I called. Her rental car wasn't in the driveway, and the place was empty. I slid open the screen on the cell phone and dialed, but it just rang.
She'd probably gone into town for something, I thought. Maybe picking up something for dinner or some shit.
That's what I thought until I walked upstairs, into the bedroom, and looked around at her pile of clothes stacked neatly on top of the bureau, a note to June resting on the surface. All of my things were untouched, tossed haphazardly around the room where they'd been discarded when we'd stripped, too consumed with lust to give a shit about everything being neat.
I stood there in disbelief. She hadn't just left.
She didn't.
She wouldn't have.
She didn't even leave a fucking note. Just one for June.
Then I saw the piece of paper on the bed, folded in half, my name written on one side. I opened it, feeling numb.
Elias,
It was fun while it lasted, but a fling is just a fling, right?
Everything has an expiration date.
Take care of yourself.
Xoxo,
River
I crumpled the note into a ball, tight in my fist, and threw it across the room.
What the fuck?
A fling is just a fling?
Everything has an expiration date?
It was like the note had been written by someone else.
"Fuck!" I yelled in the empty room. "Goddamn shit fuck motherfucker."
It took some fucking balls to just walk out like that.
"Hello?" I heard June's voice downstairs. "Elias, is that you?"
I stomped down the stairs, still so pissed off I could barely see straight.
June stood downstairs in the entry to the house, her hand wrapped tightly around little Stan's.
"Hey, Elias," she said. "Is River here? I wanted to see if she wouldn't mind doing me a favor."
I let out my breath. "No, I guess she didn't tell you either," I said, my voice bitter.
"Tell me what?"
"She's fu-" I stopped, aware of little Stan beside June. "She's gone."
"What do you mean, gone?"
"Gone, gone," I said. "Packed up and got out of here."
"Oh, crap," June said, her hand over her mouth. "Oh no. It's my fault."
"What do you mean?"
"Mama," Stan said, gesturing toward his mouth.
"Here, sweetie." June handed him a sippy cup.
"Oh God," she said. "I shouldn't have shown her the article online."
"What article?"
"It's all over the news," she said. "I thought she would want to know, so she wasn't just blindsided by it."
"What article, June?"
"Her fiancé. Ex-fiancé, I mean. He's engaged to her sister."
I felt sick.