“It’s gonna be okay,” he assures again, and I cry, “How?”
“Because I love you, and I believe in you. You’re a fighter. A warrior.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to shoot you. God, I’m losing control, but I can’t lose you.”
A hint of a smile appears on his lips. “You’ll never lose me. You’re my sister. I’ve never loved anyone as much as you. All I ever wanted in this world is for you to be happy. You’re a survivor.”
“What do I do?”
“Run.”
“What?” I question with a slight shake of my head, and when my eyes meet his again, cold, black orbs greet me. “Pike?” Pinching my eyes closed, I open them back up, but the vision remains. He’s dead, and I’m losing it.
His words sink in. He’s right. I’m a fighter; he taught me how. So with that, I feel my spine straighten, and I take in a couple slow, calculated breaths. I lean down and capture his lips, taking my second kiss of death today. When I pull away, I drop my fingertips to his brows and gently run them down his face, closing his eyelids so that he can sleep peacefully. Wrapping both Pike and Declan safely in the steel cage around my heart, I swallow hard as I shift to stand. Today I lost the two pieces of my black, black heart, but now I have no other choice than to save myself.
I move quickly around the trailer, stripping out of my bloody clothes and changing into a pair of Pike’s sleep pants and an old t-shirt. I need the smell of him on me because I’m scared to be alone. Gathering my belongings, I make sure to grab the file Pike took from Declan’s before I wipe my fingerprints from various surfaces. Looking back at Pike, who lies dead in a puddle of darkened blood, I release a silent goodbye and thank him for saving me by giving me every piece of him. My body fights hard against the boiling pain that’s begging to erupt, and I shove the thoughts away that it should be me lying there—dead. At least then I would be with Declan.
Declan.
Fuck, I’m not strong enough to do this.
My chest heaves and the cage weakens as I shut the door on my past and walk into the unknown future with Bennett’s gun tucked into my bag.
As I pull out of the trailer park and onto the main street, my cheeks are coated with tears.
I’m lost.
Alone.
All I can do is go back to my phony life because what other choice do I have? Three men—men that are all linked to me—have been murdered. Bennett, Declan, and Pike. I try to get focused so I can create a plan on what to do when my gut twists in fear as I see Matt’s car pass me by, going in the direction I just came from.
Shit!
I could turn around, catch him, explain what happened, but then I hear Pike’s voice urging, “Don’t stop driving.”
So I don’t.
Shadows of the city pass by as I make it back home and pull into the parking garage.
Wiping down the gun and placing it back in Bennett’s car—one bullet short—I rush into the quiet building and up to the penthouse, undetected.
I take a quiet step across the threshold, and when the door slams behind me, I collapse to the floor. And this time, when I wail, my voice erupts in a fiery sob that burns in my soul. Vulgar cries, ripping through the cords of my throat as they expel into the hopeless air, echo off the walls and evaporate into silence. Tears mix with the dried blood of Pike and Declan, dripping from my chin, and fall lifelessly to the tile beneath me. When I see the swirled, translucent red, I let go of my voice and choke on my breath. I’m lost in the splatterings of my pain merged with all that’s left of my loves.
Who do I ache for more?
And like the animal I am, with hands braced on the chilling floor, I lean forward on my knees, and I lick the blood.
My salt.
Their metal.
My heart’s elixir.
Peeling off Pike’s clothes while I make my way to the bathroom, I stare at the blood that’s dried on my body, and with no control, I begin to lick that too.
Fingers, hands, arms, knees.
I take it all, loving Declan and Pike, making a home for them in the depths of my body, deep inside. Everything’s a haze; my only goal is to consume every last piece of vitality.
And I cry.
Eyes burning.
Lungs aching.
Hope disintegrating.
I’m all powdered ash, so hold your breath before a drift of air picks me up and carries me away to nullity.
“NINA.”
Tension aches in my muscles as I stir awake. When I roll over and open my tear-stung eyes, I notice Clara, the housekeeper and cook moving around the room.
“It’s nearly noon. You’ve been sleeping all morning.” She speaks in a gentle voice before pulling the drapes back.
Light flashes, burning my eyes, and I jerk my head away, squinting against the sun’s rays that pierce the room.
Clara walks around the bed and takes a seat next to me, stroking her fingers through my tangled hair, and the touch awakens the swollen wound in my heart that only sleep can soothe. Tears leak out onto my pillow, and I close my tired eyes.