Drowning to Breathe

Just a week and a half.

Concern and yearning rolled through me like a lopsided ball. My longing for Sebastian in the days he was away, fighting for dominance with my love of this place.

Desperate for that connection, I reached for her. “Come here, sweetheart. Why don’t we send your daddy something to make him smile while he’s at work?”

I scooted back my chair, the metal legs screeching against concrete. Kallie grinned and giggled as we pressed our cheeks together and I snapped our selfie on my phone.

So what if I’d already texted him earlier today just to tell him I missed him? I did it again, only this time I went into the photo editor and printed it across the image, sent it to him with all the devotion dwelling in my heart.

Missing you.

I knew he wouldn’t respond until very late tonight after the Sunder show in Phoenix. But every night, he was faithful to call me, to love me from across the miles.

Faithful.

The truth was I had faith in him, gave it to him in every aspect.

Tamar glanced at her phone. “It’s getting late. I better go before Charlie gets all riled up again if I get to work late tonight.”

She stood and dropped a quick kiss to April’s cheek, then came toward Kallie and me and leaned in, smothering Kallie with kisses before she hugged me.

Her voice a tight whisper, she said, “We really miss you there, Shea. It’s not the same without you, but we all know it was time. Charlie more than anyone else.”

Thick appreciation gathered at the base of my throat, and I swallowed around it as I smiled at my friend who was so rough on the exterior. But I knew better. Underneath the ink that covered her skin, concealed under the sass and sneer, was someone generous and kind and tender.

I fought a smile.

Just like Sebastian.

Without a glance back, she turned and strutted away.

I dug in my wallet and tossed a tip on the table, and April and I held Kallie’s hands, swinging her between us as we headed toward where we’d parked along the street.

I lifted my face to the sky. Branches rustled on the changing trees that boasted the most beautiful colors a person could ever hope to see—fiery oranges, golden yellows, and reds so deep they were almost black.

Savannah in fall seemed to possess a certain calmness, a peace and tranquility I’d only found in this place.

How could I leave it?

I clicked the fob to Sebastian’s Suburban.

I loved that he’d left it with me. Not because it was a possession or something to take from him. But rather it felt like a promise, a reminder we were one no matter how much time or distance separated us. I helped Kallie crawl into her seat, set a quick kiss to the top of her head as I buckled her in. “All set?”

She threw both her hands in the air with her butterfly flourish. “All set!”

April climbed into the front passenger seat, I climbed into the driver’s. We drove the short distance back to my house. The house I loved. The one place that had been my childhood safe haven when my life had been so unsure—the pressure and the burden and the coercion.

As I pulled into the drive, I wondered if I would willingly leave it behind. If I could. If I should. If I would let this beautiful home that housed my most cherished childhood memories go because it no longer had the capacity to house my desires.

Simply because the rest of my heart was waiting for me on the other side of the country.

Find love and bring it here.

My grandmother’s words flowed through me on gentle waves. A soft reassurance that maybe that didn’t have to mean this house. That maybe the only thing she’d wanted was their kind of love for me—one she’d shared with my grandfather—one that was never-ending and overpowering.

That here was home, wherever that may be.

Here. With her. Where her spirit always seemed to hover, as if I reached out and fluttered my fingers through the dense air I could touch her.

Here. With my daughter.

Here. With Sebastian.

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