Drowning to Breathe

“Really? Sounds to me like that theory would get old and fast.” Over her cup, April wagged her brows, letting her attention dart down to Tamar’s hand.

I leaned in closer and murmured conspiratorially, “I’d be willing to make some bets Lyrik would be all kinds of happy to step in and take care of that little problem for you.”

I didn’t mind getting a rise from my friend. Any time the two of them were in a building together? The flaming sexual tension nearly burnt it down.

“Ha. I have exactly zero problems that need to be taken care of…all except for one. Him. Player doesn’t know when to take a hint. Every time he walks into the bar he thinks he’s going to get a little piece of this.” She shimmied her curvy body on her chair. “Not gonna happen.”

“Says the girl who once accused me of being completely blind when it came to what was happening between Sebastian and me.”

“So?” she defended.

“So take a look in the mirror, girlfriend,” April said with a slap to the table.

“Girlfriend?” Kallie asked in confusion, big brown eyes going wide as she tried to follow the conversation, so sweet and innocent and adorable.

My heart overflowed.

How had I gotten so lucky?

Tamar straightened, hesitated as she played with the straw on her drink. “I really can’t believe you’re leaving.”

The flippancy of our mood evaporated. “I can’t believe it, either. It’s almost unbelievable, everything that has happened in such a short time.”

April slanted me the smallest smile. “Guess I shouldn’t have been making all those claims that one day some amazing guy was going to come in and sweep you off those pretty feet. Didn’t expect that would mean he’d be sweeping you away to another state.”

I flinched at the flash of sorrow in her expression. It was true we’d become our own patchwork family. Kallie was a fundamental piece of April, too.

“You’re not giving Kallie or me up, April, and just because we’re going out there doesn’t mean we’re going to stay forever. Sebastian just has to be there right now. And…” I wavered on what to say, “I don’t have to be here.”

Yes. There was a huge part of me that wanted to be. Here. Home. But the bigger part had to be with Sebastian.

Tamar cleared her throat. “I think I speak for us all when we say we just want you to be happy.”

April sniffled and glanced away, before she looked back with a smile that was both forced and genuine. “That’s all we want.”

Tamar’s red lips curled. “Well…all except Charlie. I’ve never heard the old man rant and rave the way he did when he found out you were leaving. I thought he was going to have an aneurysm.”

I laughed and shook my head. “He’s just a tad protective.”

In his mind, we were his daughter and granddaughter, and as much as he’d always encouraged me to pursue my heart’s desires, I knew embarking on this new journey was tearing him up. The truth was, just thinking about severing even a fraction of the connection we had broke something inside me, too.

When I’d gone to his place on Monday, sat him down and told him I wasn’t going back to the bar and was going to California, I’d finally understood what it looked like for a man to blow a gasket. The full effect of his fatherly concern had overflowed in a slew of questions and what ifs and warnings.

In the end he’d pulled me to him, hugged me tight, and whispered, “You go, Shea Bear. Live your life. Love every second of it.”

He’d taken care of me for so long, and even though I could tell him nothing would change, we both knew it would. There was a small part he had to let go—the part as my ultimate protector and confidant—as Sebastian had come in to take that place.

“My daddy had to go to wook,” Kallie began to prattle, leaning her elbows on the table and clasping her hands together, her smile all tiny teeth and hope and unending faith. “And when he gets all done is when we get to fly way, way, way up high in the sky, right, Momma?”

She looked at me for confirmation.

“Yes, Butterfly. We’ll be going soon.”

A. L. Jackson's books