Down on Her Knees

CHAPTER Fifteen


Rafe eyed the scene before him, uncharacteristically frozen with indecision. He couldn’t do what he wanted to do, which was walk over, tell Cowboy Jim to get his hands off his girl, throw her over his shoulder, and carry her out of this place. Because that would be insane. But the alternative—just standing by and watching while this guy pawed all over her—was making his stomach ache.

He was still no closer to figuring out how to handle it when Cat sidled up to him.

“I’m guessing you’re not here to do the Boot Scootin’ Boogie?”

He shook his head, never taking his eyes off Courtney. God, she looked beautiful. Hair up in a knot the way he loved it, orange camisole making her skin glow like burnished gold, white cotton miniskirt swishing around her thighs as she moved. No wonder Cowboy Jim looked like he’d struck oil.

“Cat, I don’t even know what that is,” he said grimly.

She chuckled and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “It’s a country line dance. I think. But either way, I’m glad you’re here.”

As much as he appreciated the support, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was going to be the only one. Courtney didn’t look miserable now. Maybe she already had one foot on the path to moving on, and expecting her to forget everything that had happened and trust that he wouldn’t hurt her again was naive of him.

He flexed his jaw as Cowboy Jim dipped his girl. Maybe this was a train wreck in the making, but he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t at least try.

“Good luck,” Cat called after him.

He strode onto the dance floor, singular purpose making it easy to cut through the crowd. By the time he reached Courtney and her dance partner, a strange calm had overtaken him, and he was grateful for it because it gave him the wherewithal to manage a tight smile for Cowboy Jim instead of the introduction to his fist that felt so much more natural.

“Hey there, buddy. Mind if I talk to the lady for a minute?”

To his credit, the cowboy didn’t respond right away. He looked to Courtney, whose eyes were wide with shock.

“I think that’s up to the lady, friend.”

Seconds ticked by, and his heart picked up a beat for every one of them.

“What are you doing here?” she whispered.

Jim released her and stepped back. “I’ll be at the bar if you need me,” he said quietly as the song came to a close.

Courtney nodded but didn’t take her eyes from Rafe. They were so filled with hurt it was enough to obliterate even the tiniest bit of confidence he’d had in this plan. Hadn’t he done enough damage?

“Why did you come?” she asked again, her bottom lip trembling.

He stared at her and shook his head slowly. Keep it simple. “Isn’t it obvious, Courtney? I came for you.”

“Obvious?” Her brows rose along with her voice. “You dumped me with nothing but some lame-ass explanation and drove off without a backward glance. Now you decide to show up more than a month later out of the blue? Maybe I’m missing something, but no. It’s not obvious. What’s changed, Rafe? Work let up some so you thought you could try to get another piece?”

He winced and drew back but didn’t try to defend himself against that. He deserved it, and more. Maybe keeping it simple was off base. “Listen, can we go talk somewhere?”

“No.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. “I’m here with my friend, and I’m not going to be one of those women who drop everything every time a man comes knocking. You want to talk, talk here, or call me and make an appointment like a regular person. You lost the right to pop up and expect my undivided attention when you walked away from us.”

She stalked off the dance floor and past a sheepish Cat, through a door labeled BUCKARETTES.

As he followed that same path, Cat called out to him. “You know that’s the ladies’ room, right?”

He sure as hell did, and he could not give one single shit. He’d let Courtney go once out of sheer stupidity, and he wasn’t about to make the same mistake again. As the door slammed behind her, he found himself wondering how he’d ever thought she wasn’t strong enough to know her own mind. Strong enough to decide for herself whether or not what she was feeling was more than sexual attraction.

He barreled through the door behind her, and she wheeled on him.

“Are you serious right now?” Her hazel eyes blazed with fire as she stared up at him.

“Give me five minutes of your time, and then I’ll leave you alone.”

She surveyed the pink room consideringly and seemed ready to deny him, but then she locked eyes with him and hers went soft. It was a split second, but it was enough.

“Please. I’m begging you.”

She bit her lip and gave him a curt nod. “Three minutes.”

He did a quick assessment of the things he needed to say and led with the most important. The unvarnished truth that he’d barely gotten a handle on himself.

“I’m f*cking crazy about you, too.”

She blinked as her cheeks went pink, but she said nothing. That was better than punching him in the nuts, so he pressed on.

“The past month has been hell and every single day was a battle to keep myself from picking up the phone and telling you that I changed my mind. That I was a chicken for burying my head in the sand and not giving us a chance. Begging you to forgive me. Feeling so desperate to be with you that at points, it didn’t matter whether your feelings were real or not, as long as I had you in my life.” He reached out and cupped her soft cheek. “But it does matter and—”

She pulled away, the softness in her eyes going hard again. “What do you mean, if my feelings were real?” The question was sharp enough to draw blood, and he flinched.

“I thought things were confusing between us. That maybe, because we started off with sex as the core of our relationship and then you had your first orgasm, what you were feeling was something more like…” He trailed off, knowing that, no matter how he said it, it was going to sound shitty.

She saved him the trouble as her face lit with dawning understanding. “You thought it was gratitude?” Her voice was shrill with shock. “I was so grateful that you’d waved your magic wand”—she jabbed a thumb toward his dick—“and abracadabra’ed up some orgasms that I decided you were my one and only?”

The door swung open, and a young woman in a waitress uniform stood at the entrance, mouth agape. “I’m sooo sorry.” Clearly she’d heard enough to be mortified and backed slowly from the room. “Y’all continue on. I’ll be back in a few.”

Courtney didn’t even glance her way. Her chest rose and fell furiously and her foot tapped a Latin beat on the tile.

“Is that what you honestly thought?”

It sounded so dumb when she said it, but that was exactly what he’d thought. “I care about you. I’ve never felt this way about a woman before, and I wasn’t thinking straight either. I was trying to protect myself, and in some twisted way, protect you too.”

She stopped tapping, and the fury in her eyes dimmed.

“I guess part of me was afraid if I admitted how I felt about you, I’d be vulnerable again.” He shifted closer to her and muttered. “Having you for real and then losing you? I could stand anything but that.”

…

Butterflies exploded into action in her belly. His face was so sincere, so full of genuine regret, it was hard to maintain her fury. Especially when all it would take was one act of forgiveness and two steps to put her in his arms again.

But she couldn’t do that. Not yet. He’d said what he’d needed to say and now it was her turn.

“That’s the thing, Rafe. I had clarity.” She shook her head and swiped back the tears that came. “You didn’t even give me a chance to tell you how I felt. To tell you what I wanted. We could have worked this out if you’d trusted in me enough to tell me the truth about what was bothering you.”

His face fell and her heart fell right along with it. “So you’re saying we can’t work it out now.”

Funny how she hadn’t been sure of the answer to that question until this very moment. The moment she realized that the thought of going back to being without him was a million times worse than taking the risk of being with him.


“Courtney?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know what to say. If you can’t talk to me and tell me how you’re feeling, how can we ever work through anything?”

He stepped toward her and took her hand. “You’re right. And if you give me another chance, I’d never do that again.” His voice rang with such honesty, her pulse gave a little leap of hope.

Now was the time for caution, though. She wasn’t sure she could go through losing him again. “Why should I believe that?”

Rafe pursed his lip and laced his fingers with hers. “Because I’ve regretted my decision since the day I walked away. And because I’m in love with you, and I will do anything it takes to earn your love again in return.”

He loved her.

The words crept into her soul and wrapped around her heart like an embrace.

“You know, I’m not the expert, but I’m pretty sure if you’re going to beg, you should be on your knees,” she murmured softly.

He gazed down at her, his eyes going from bleak to hopeful. “That’s fair.” He dropped to his knees on the tile floor without hesitation. “So I’m begging for real now. We can start from scratch if that’s what you need. I can take you to dinner one night, we can see a movie. Act like we just met. Take it slow.” He tugged a folded sheaf of papers from his pocket and held them out to her. She took them with a shaking hand and peered down to read.

“A contract?”

He nodded. “To negotiate a new agreement. Make changes, add, delete. Whatever you want to do, do it. I’ll sign. Because I trust that you know yourself and care about me enough to make it fair and good for both of us, if you’ll have me.”

“This says you’re going to learn Greek. And Spanish? Oh, and the end date portion is blank,” she murmured, the words barely making it past her achy throat as she clenched the paper tightly.

“That’s right.” His gaze was nailed to hers and she could feel the tension rolling off him. “Because I don’t ever want to let you go. I want to retire with you and travel the world and speak bad French with you. Tell me you’re in, Court. I dare you.”

She considered letting him sweat a little, but couldn’t bear to be away from him for another second. She closed the distance between them, dropping low in front of him. “We could take it slow like you said, I guess…” She let a hand drift down his chest to his abdomen. “Or we could act like we just met and then take it fast.”

His eyes blazed as he caught her meaning and the warmth that had been blossoming in her chest went white hot.

“I won’t blow it this time. I swear,” he murmured, leaning in to press his lips to hers, tugging her to her feet along with him until they were standing, plastered against each other. She let herself get swept away in the moment, in the man, until a knock at the door sounded.

“Can I come in yet? I’m sorry but I really gotta go.”

They broke apart laughing and she grabbed his hand, dragging him toward the exit. “We’ve got to get out there and watch our friend ride a bull,” she said, smiling so hard it hurt her cheeks. “And then…”

“And then,” he said, yanking her to a stop so he could nip her ear, “we’ll see about setting up a ride of our own.”