I liked that too. I liked that I felt comfortable enough to be myself with him. My thumb caught the nip in an affectionate gesture of halfhearted apology. ‘I need to go.’ I moved to roll away from him, only to be drawn to a halt by his arm across my waist.
‘Stay. Just for a little while.’
Worry immediately caused my whole body to tense, obliterating all my happy thoughts about us as a couple. This felt an awful lot like déjà vu – me hurrying home to Cole, leaving an annoyed man lying in bed. Before, it had mattered on some level that I not upset my relationship. With Cam it mattered on every level. My brows drew together in confusion and anxiety. I’d assumed things would be different with Cam. That he understood. Only seconds ago I was ‘Miss Comfortable’ and now I was back to being who I was suddenly very sick and tired of being.
‘What?’ He tugged on my waist, trying to urge me closer. ‘What’s causing this?’ His fingers traced my frown lines.
‘Nothing.’
‘It’s not nothing.’ With an effort, he forced me to turn completely back to him. ‘Your muscles are locked up tight. Why?’
On the one hand, I wanted us to be okay. To be open. To be real. On the other hand, I didn’t want him to think I was questioning him so soon into this. I didn’t want to leave his bed pissed off at him and vice versa.
I chewed my lip, taking far too long to think it over.
‘Jesus, Johanna.’ He pulled back before I had a chance to say anything, his eyebrows dipped in anger. ‘I’m not bloody them.’ He threw the sheets off of us as he moved to leave the bed.
Dammit! ‘I’m just worried,’ I huffed, feeling my cheeks heat at the coming confession.
Cam grew still, twisting his head to look at me over his shoulder. ‘Go on.’
I made a face at his bossiness and sat up, drawing my knees to my chest in a subconscious need to protect myself. ‘I’m worried you’ll get bored with the fact that I can’t … accommodate you. Because I have Cole and’ – I braced myself, wondering how he’d react to my next piece of brutal honesty – ‘he’ll always come first.’
In seconds I was flat on my back, Cam looking down at me, his eyes soft again, and better yet, they were filled with understanding. ‘You never have to worry about that. I get it. I understand. Cole comes first. Of course he does. He’s a bloody kid who needs you. I’m not going to get bored or pissed off. And frankly if I do, you should dump my ass.’
Something shifted in my chest, something huge and overwhelming and scary. That something was my feelings for Cam. They were settled inside me now, held in place by an immovable anchor. ‘Are you for real?’ I asked, giving him a weak smile, trying to cover how emotional I felt.
Cam smiled back at me as he placed a soft kiss on my mouth. ‘Completely real, baby. But if you need proof …’ He pressed his knee between my legs, nudging them open, the wicked look in his eyes telling me I wasn’t going anywhere just yet.
After everything Cole and I had been through, it was almost difficult allowing myself to feel this happy. I was high on Cameron MacCabe, and although most of me loved it, this small part of me, the small part that couldn’t let go of the past, was terrified by it. Fortunately for us both, I’d watched Joss almost destroy her relationship with Braden over that exact thing, and I had no wish to follow in her footsteps. It was only two days in, and I was guessing it would take a small miracle to make me walk away from Tattoo Guy.
What it would take for him to walk away was a different story, but I was determined to try to kill that kind of negative thinking before it spoiled everything for me. I was also resolved not to rock the boat, so when Malcolm texted me on Monday morning while I was at work, I didn’t tell Cam.
So of course I also didn’t tell him that I texted Malcolm back.
Malcolm had proved himself to be a good guy. A gentleman. A friend. It didn’t matter if he’d found solace in the arms of Becca. All that mattered was that he’d been kind to me when we were together. I wasn’t sure I was ready to lose that, so when he asked if I was okay, I told him I was. I apologized again, and I asked him how he was.
I’ll be fine, sweetheart. I miss you. I’m glad we can still talk. x
There was no measuring my feelings of guilt when I read that text.
Friends?
Of course. Let me know if you need anything. I hope you’re happy, Jo. x
Cut me to the quick.
Yeah. You too. x
Cam may or may not have been okay with Malcolm texting me, but I thought it was too soon to broach that subject, especially after the night before and my little confession and all its drama.
I saw him later before he had to go to work and I didn’t say a word.
Tuesday night was our first night working together as a couple. We agreed at the outset that we wouldn’t curb our flirtations with customers, since that increased our tips. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but it made sense for us both. Tuesday night was one of the quietest nights we’d ever had. No flirtations, no incidents.
Thursday night was a little different.