Tears clogged my throat, but I refused to let them travel to my eyes, my hands clenching at my sides. I could handle this without the waterworks. I knew I could.
Moving on shaking legs, I slumped against the sink to stare at my reflection and then gasped in horror. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes bright, and my skirt was still rucked up a little from where Cam had slipped his hand between my legs. I gasped again, remembering his fingers in me, and I gripped the sink so tight that my knuckles turned white. My nipples were peaked against my shirt and the colour was still high on my cheeks.
I had to get myself under control or everyone would know what I’d been up to.
I gave myself ten minutes and as I returned to Malcolm’s side, I saw Cam out of the corner of my eye shoving his way through the crowds of people towards the exit. The front door slammed loudly not too long after.
‘You okay?’ Malcolm’s voice pulled my head around.
‘He’s a bastard!’ Becca could suddenly be heard over the hum of music and voices. Malcolm and I twisted around to find her. She was in the corner, being comforted by her friends.
‘Do you think he dumped her?’ Malcolm asked in my ear. ‘While you were in the bathroom they were arguing.’
Ashamed that I knew the answer all too well, I couldn’t look at him. ‘Looks like it.’
‘You okay?’ he repeated.
‘I’m not feeling this party.’ I shrugged.
‘Yeah, and it looks like Becca is about to kick off.’ Malcolm sighed. ‘Would it be awful if we snuck out?’
I threw him a weak smile. ‘It would be great.’
He held my jacket and I shrugged into it. Two seconds later I let him pull me out of the flat. Without a word we walked down Leamington Terrace to the main road on Bruntsfield Place and waited for a taxi to approach with its light on. When we had no luck, Malcolm took out his phone. ‘I’ll just call us one. We’ll go back to my place for a while, yeah?’
I thought about heading back to his place with him, of him leading me up to his room like he always did, undressing me slowly and pushing me back on the bed …
It left me cold.
It made me feel sick with guilt.
Like I was cheating …
Malcolm had just put the phone to his ear when I found myself blurting out, ‘Stop.’
Taken aback, Malcolm immediately lowered his phone and switched it off. His eyes washed over my face and whatever he saw there made his lips pinch tight together. He took a moment and then he asked, ‘What’s going on?’
My practicality had taken a run and jumped off the nearest cliff. My emotions were fully in charge as I replied, ‘I can’t go back to your place.’
And then he surprised the hell out of me. ‘Because of Cam.’
After working so hard to control them earlier, I felt those blasted tears hit my eyes. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Malcolm heaved a sigh and I saw pain flicker in his gaze as it searched my face. ‘I really care about you, Jo.’
‘I care about you, too.’
‘I see the way he looks at you. The way you look at him. I knew there was something …’
‘I’m sorry.’
He shook his head, holding a hand up to stop me. ‘Don’t.’
‘I feel awful.’
‘I can see that.’
‘I never slept with him.’
His jaw clenched and then relaxed enough for him to reply, ‘I know. You’re not that kind of girl.’
Fingers quaking, I pushed up the sleeve on my jacket and unfastened the Omega watch he’d given me for Christmas. When he made no move to take it, I lifted his hand and placed the gift in the palm of it, curling his fingers around it. ‘Thank you for everything, Malcolm.’
When he looked up from the watch, a piercing ache emanated from my chest at the dejection I saw in his face. ‘He’s just a kid who doesn’t know what the hell kind of gift he’s getting in you, and when he’s done, when he makes the mistake of throwing you away, I hope you’ll come back to me.’ He stepped towards me and I froze as he dipped his head to press a sweet kiss against my cold lips. ‘We could be really happy.’
I didn’t take a breath until he put some distance between us. He threw up a hand and I turned to see he was flagging down a taxi. It did a U-turn and pulled up at the kerb. Malcolm opened the door for me. ‘I’ll be here when he’s done with you.’
I left him standing on the street, as the taxi took me back to London Road.
I’d broken up with Malcolm.
Oh, my God.
I felt heavyhearted. I felt remorseful. I was worried I wasn’t doing the right thing. However, overriding all of that was this desperation to find Cam, to tell him I did feel what he felt. For the first time in as long as I could remember I was going after what I really wanted. Perhaps tomorrow I would lament the decision, but tonight I just wanted a taste of something really good and pure for once.