He gave a jerk of his head. ‘Honestly, I don’t know. All I do know is that I’ve never treated anyone the way I’ve treated you, and I’ve never met anyone who deserved it less. I like you, Jo. And whether you want to admit it or not, you need a friend.’
Those bloody tears swam towards the corners of my eyes again, threatening to spill over. I sucked in a deep breath, looking away from him, my eyes catching on the large desk in the corner of the room. A drawing board was propped up on it. There was a sketch on it, but I couldn’t make out what it was. I squinted at it as I procrastinated over whether or not I should tell him anything.
‘Where’s your dad, Johanna? Why are you raising Cole?’
‘I don’t know where he is.’ I glanced back at him, wondering if my eyes were as haunted as I felt inside. ‘He was abusive.’
Cam’s jaw immediately clenched, and I saw his fingers grip his coffee mug tighter. ‘To you and Cole?’
I shook my head. ‘I protected Cole. Cole doesn’t even remember him or know that he was abusive to me.’
Cam swore under his breath, dropping his gaze so I wouldn’t be subjected to the full force of his anger. Somehow that anger felt nice. It was nice to have someone else feel it. What I was telling him, not even Joss knew. ‘How long?’
‘Since I was little.’ The words seemed to pry open my lips and spill down my chin. Although confused, I didn’t dare stop them. ‘Until I was twelve. He was aggressive, violent and stupid. That’s definitely the way to sum up Murray Walker. He spent a good time away from the house, which allowed us to breathe a little, but when he was there he’d hit me and Mum. But Cole … I always got Cole out of the way when Dad was in a mood or I’d distract him from Cole so he’d go for me instead.’
‘Jesus, Jo …’
‘Cole was two. Dad could have killed him with one blow, so it was all I could do.’
‘What happened to him? Your dad?’ Cam almost spat the word, as if the man had no right to carry the title. And he didn’t really, did he?
I curled my lip in disgust as I thought about Dad’s greatest moment of stupidity. ‘Assault and armed robbery. He got ten years in Barlinnie Prison. I don’t know if he served all his time, or when he got out – all I know is that by the time he did we’d already left Paisley with no forwarding address. Mum never told anyone from the old life where we were going. Neither did I.’
‘Was your mum always the way she is?’
‘She drank, but not like this. She still functioned.’
‘I take it she started after your dad went to prison?’
‘No.’ I scoffed bitterly, knowing exactly why she’d started. ‘Not that she was a great mum or anything, but she was better than she is now. No.’ I closed my eyes against the dull pain in my chest. ‘She went downhill for another reason.
‘Growing up I had one person in my life I trusted. My uncle Mick. He wasn’t my real uncle. He was my dad’s best friend when they were kids. Uncle Mick was a good guy, though. Straight as an arrow – made a good living as a painter and decorator. But he was friends with my asshole of a father. I never really found out why they were friends, but I got the impression they went through a lot together as kids. Although Dad pissed him off, Uncle Mick couldn’t seem to let go. Whenever he could, he’d check in with us. He used to take me to work with him sometimes.’ The ache intensified as I felt the loss of him again. ‘He didn’t know Dad hit me. Dad was careful in front of him. I think he was always a little wary of Uncle Mick. That changed when I was twelve.’ I shuddered as the memories washed over me.
‘It was a Saturday and Dad was drinking while watching the football. Mum was at work. I made the mistake of walking past the television at an important point in the game. He backhanded me and I was on the floor …’ I sucked in a breath, staring at Cam’s carpet, feeling the pain all over again. I’d never felt anything like it. The bite, the sting, the heat … ‘He took off his belt and hit me … I can still see the look on his face, like I wasn’t human to him, let alone his daughter.’ I shook myself and lifted my gaze to Cam’s. He had grown pale, his features stretched taut with emotion he was trying to control. ‘I guess I was lucky that Uncle Mick turned up when he did. He heard me screaming and came crashing in. Uncle Mick was a big guy and, well … he put Dad in hospital that day. He was arrested, but neither of them mentioned Dad’s assault on me for fear the social services would get involved. Dad just dropped the charges and Uncle Mick walked away with a fine.
‘Dad disappeared. Next thing we heard was that he’d been jailed for armed robbery. While he was inside, Uncle Mick was around a lot more, helping out. For the first time in my life I had an almost twenty-four/seven parent who really cared. He even had a good influence on Mum.’ I huffed, the resentment welling up again. ‘Too good.’
Cam guessed. ‘Your mum was in love with him.’
I nodded. ‘I think she always had been, but as far as I know nothing ever happened. Uncle Mick cared about her but not like that.’