Although I’m not one of those people who infect everyone else with their bad moods, I was so lost in my own thoughts for the rest of the day that my colleagues gave me a wide berth, sensing my misery. I didn’t know what I would say to Cam when I saw him. Was I going to get over the whole Blair thing? I didn’t think so. Was I going to make him choose between me and her? I wanted to, but that just made me the shittiest person ever. I couldn’t dictate to Cam who he was and was not friends with.
By the time I knocked on his door I felt ill with uncertainty.
He opened the door, looking relieved to see me. I gave him nothing, brushing by him briskly. I strode into his living room and the first thing I saw on the coffee table was her effing Kindle. I dumped my bag and threw my phone on the table beside it. ‘She’s not picked it up, then?’
‘Jo …’
At his plaintive tone, I spun on my heel and raised an eyebrow at him. ‘You know I was willing to believe it was just me. Just me and my stupid insecurities. But having her over here without telling me, that was really crap of you, Cam.’
It had been a long time since I’d seen Cam look guilty. The last time, in fact, had been when he realized he’d been wrong about me, when we’d sat in this room and I’d trusted him with my life story. He had the same look on his face now. ‘I am sorry I didn’t tell you. But it was completely innocent.’
I bit my lip, feeling my stomach roil with emotion. ‘I have a problem with her,’ I confessed.
‘She hasn’t done anything wrong. Jo, Blair and I were friends before we were a couple, and I’m just catching up with an old friend. That’s it. You need to grow up about this.’
I hated him. Right then, I actually physically hated him.
‘Don’t speak to me like that, you condescending dick.’
‘Jo –’
‘Why didn’t you tell me she was here last night?’
‘I didn’t hide it from you. I told you at lunch. If something was going on I wouldn’t fucking tell you, would I?’ His voice began to mimic mine, rising in frustration.
‘You said you loved her.’
‘Loved. Past tense.’
Ignoring his growing impatience, I crossed my arms over my chest and attempted to drive my point home. ‘You didn’t break up because you fell out of love, Cameron. You broke up because you were scared she was going to leave you. You were scared she wasn’t going to choose you and so you walked away first.’
Anger sparked in his eyes and he took a few steps towards me, bearing down on me. ‘You don’t know shit.’
For once I wasn’t daunted. I was too pissed off. ‘I know I’m right.’
Cameron cursed under his breath and looked down at the table where her Kindle was. ‘This conversation is insane.’
Before I could respond to that non-answer to my non-question, my phone rang. I was about to turn around to pick it up and shut it off when I froze at the look on Cam’s face. His eyes had narrowed on my phone, studying it, it seemed. Gently brushing me aside, he reached to pick it up. As he stared at the screen, his jaw clenched, the muscle in his cheek popping as he lifted furious eyes to my face.
My heart suddenly began to pound in my chest.
Cam turned the phone towards me. The screen read MALCOLM CALLING. ‘What’s he doing calling you? What? Did you go running off to him at the first sign of trouble?’
I flinched at the accusation. ‘No. We talk sometimes.’
Wrong thing to say. ‘You’ve kept in contact with him and you didn’t tell me?’
Uh-oh. I shrugged.
Cam gave a huff of disbelief. ‘I’m standing here getting grilled about Blair and you’ve been keeping Malcolm from me? Why? Why not tell me?’
I threw up my hands, wondering how on earth the argument had turned on me. ‘Because it doesn’t matter. He’s just a friend.’
His expression turned glacial, jealousy and anger and disgust in his eyes.
And his next words broke my heart.
‘No. Blair’s just a friend. Malcolm’s a rich fuck who still has a hard-on for you, and he lets you dangle him on a string. Got a problem with me hanging out with Blair? Think I’m keeping her around in case you and I don’t work out? Well, what’s to say you’re not ready to spread your legs for Malcolm if what we have goes south?’
I guess that’s the problem when you really get to know someone. You learn all their triggers and emotional buttons, and unfortunately, in times of war, you press them. The button Cam pressed had direct access to my tear ducts, and salt water spilled down my cheeks in anguished silence. I took a step away from him, feeling sick. I ignored his remorseful expression, concentrating on those ugly words and what they meant.
They meant he had never stopped thinking of me as a shallow gold-digger. He’d never believed that I could be more than that. Not really. Did that mean he’d never meant anything he’d said to me?
The pain wouldn’t allow the silence to hold and I lost control of a sob.
‘Fuck, Jo.’ He swore hoarsely, trying to reach for me. ‘I didn’t –’
‘Don’t touch me.’ I ripped my phone out of his hands and seized my purse.
‘Jo, I didn’t mean it.’ He grabbed my arm. ‘I was just –’
‘Let go!’ I screamed in his face, wrenching myself away from him, frightened that if I let him touch me I’d give in to him as I always did. I sagged with grief as I backed away.