“Who is there?” I asked weakly, too afraid to turn my head, that the pain would be too much.
The person stood up, casting a shadow in the corner of my eye. My hand was held and I knew the grip better than I knew myself.
Javier’s face came into my view, peering down at me with those golden eyes that seemed almost soulful. “You don’t need to talk,” he told me, voice soothing me like that feather on my skin.
It was too much. Tears welled up in my eyes.
“Don’t you dare cry on me,” he said sternly, gripping my hand harder. “Don’t.” He swallowed hard.
I sucked in my breath, trying to steady my emotions which were flying all over the place.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“In a private clinic. San Salvador.”
“We’re in El Salvador?” My mind raced. “Are you really here?”
He nodded, smiling only slightly. He looked older somehow, more grey at his temples, his features strained. It made me realize how horrible I must have looked, the burns, my face, my hair chopped off.
I closed my eyes and turned my head even though pain ripped through me in nauseating spasms. “I don’t want you to see me like this,” I said, voice choked in my throat, even though I realized how petty it sounded.
“I want to see you like this,” he said.
“Because I deserve it.”
“Because you’re alive. When we first found you, I was certain you were anything but.” He paused and I felt soft fingers on my scalp. “No one deserves this, not you.”
But I did. I did. And I didn’t deserve to have him by my side right now, being actually tender with me. I needed his wrath again, his punishment, his torture. I couldn’t have been anything more than trash to him, after all the terrible things I had done.
My heart wept for a million bad choices.
And then I started to weep myself.
“Luisa,” Javier said, leaning over further. “Look at me.”
I opened my eyes and the tears spilled down the sides of my cheeks. I expected the burn to sting but I felt nothing at all. All the nerves had been burned away.
His gaze was deep, intense, until I felt it in my bones. “You’re going to be okay.”
I could barely shake my head.
“Yes,” he said angrily. “You will be. You’re my wife, my queen, and this is something you’ll get over. We both will.”
“How?” I cried out. “How can I get over this? Look at me! Look at me, I’m destroyed, I’m barely even a woman anymore, barely even a human being. I’m mangled garbage. Look at us! How could you ever, ever forgive me? How could I ever get back the husband, the marriage I had? Why would I even be allowed that?”
His jaw tensed. He closed his eyes briefly, breathing out slowly through his nose. “I don’t know,” he said. When his eyes opened, they were lost. “I don’t know how we can move past this, if I can forgive you, if we even deserve a fresh start. All I know is that I’ll try. We’ll try.”
It wouldn’t be enough. I knew that. We had hurt each other too much.
“I want Esteban dead,” I told him, surprised at the strength in my voice. “I want him to pay.”
The corner of Javier’s mouth curled up now, his eyes glinting wickedly, like a million amber knives. “He will pay. I will make sure of that. He will pay over and over again, I promise you.”
“No,” I said. “I want to be the one that makes him suffer.”
He shook his head. “You’re far too hurt for that.”
“I don’t care.”
“Luisa, your collarbone is broken. You’re burned …”
“I. Will. Make. Him. Pay,” I ground out, squeezing Javier’s hand back with the same kind of ferocity.
He studied me for a moment, almost amused. “You really are the woman for me, aren’t you? Have I ever told you that there’s nothing sexier than seeing bloodlust in your eyes?”
“Javier …” I pleaded.
He sighed impatiently. “Look. We’ve tracked him as far as El Salvador. Evaristo is using the agency’s satellites to get readings on known safe houses, I’m using my men across Central America to spot him, we –”
“Evaristo?”
He smirked. “Right, you didn’t know. I escaped from prison with his help. He switched teams.”
I frowned.
“He’s not gay,” Javier added. “Not that I’d blame him with a hot piece of ass like me around. He’s just one of us now.”
“You corrupted a fed.”
“He corrupted himself. He just wanted to be on the winning side for once. His intel got us to you, we knew Esteban had you and was in the compound when we ambushed it. Unfortunately, that fuck got away.”
“How did he look?” I asked, remembering our tooth and nail battle.
He cocked his head. “Not good. Somewhat blind. Why? Please tell me you fucked him up.”
I could only manage a small, tight smile. “He cut off my hair. I put the scissors in his eye.”