No, the point was to forget. Forget everything.
Some hours later, the bar closed down and I stumbled out into the dark and mostly empty street. My awareness had narrowed down to the smallest pinpoints of blurred vision and echoing sounds that mixed together in my brain like some new, strange cocktail.
After stumbling along for a bit, I didn’t really even know or care where I was anymore. A sensation of overwhelming exhaustion overcame my whole body and soul.
Not long after that, I tried to keep walking but couldn’t do it anymore.
I told myself I’d simply sit down for a minute and try and recoup my energy and get sober.
But seconds after sitting down on the sidewalk beside an old jewelry store, my back against plate glass, I was asleep, and didn’t wake up again until the morning.
LINDSAY
When my alarm went off the next morning, I felt exhausted, and even though I had a faint memory of tossing and turning, I felt like I’d just shut my eyes a few minutes ago. There was a weird empty feeling in my stomach and my heart was pounding in my chest. I took a few deep breaths and then threw off the covers.
I checked my phone and saw that Justin still hadn’t responded to anything I’d sent him. For the first time, it hit me that he might have gotten together with another girl.
Just forget about him. Wherever he is, he’s not worth getting so upset that you screw up your career opportunities. He’s the one who chose not to come back to the room or even so much as text you where he went.
I took another long shower, then took my time drying my hair. I rummaged through my makeup bag until I found a sample of concealer I’d gotten at Sephora a few months ago. At the time I remembered thinking I would never use it, but now I was thankful I hadn’t thrown it away. I did my best to cover the dark circles under my eyes, then did the rest of my makeup.
I blew my hair straight, ran my straightening iron over it, and then slipped into the dress I’d borrowed from Rachel. A fresh pair of black hose and a pair of black pumps completed the look, along with sophisticated looking chunky silver jewelry. I surveyed myself in the mirror and smoothed my hands down over my dress. I didn’t look half bad, I decided. It was true I was no fashionista, but I at least looked professional and put together.
I still had about forty minutes until I was supposed to meet Carter to go over the powerpoint one more time, so I headed downstairs to the lobby in search of coffee. There was a coffee bar against the far wall. A bunch of businessmen in suits were clustered around the counter that held the carafes, talking as they poured creamer and sugar into their paper cups.
Were they here for the kickoff meeting? I wasn’t sure, but suddenly, I didn’t feel prepared to face them if they were. The lobby felt hot, and I decided I needed some air. I slipped out onto the streets of New York, taking comfort in the craziness of rush hour.
Car horns honked, heels clacked against the sidewalk, and people barked into their cell phones.
I spotted a coffee shop across the street, so I went inside and ordered a spiced pumpkin latte with a shot of espresso. Despite the long line and my slow pace walking back to the hotel, I still had about twenty minutes until I was supposed to meet Carter in the business center on the sixth floor.
The thought of going back to my room and sitting there by myself was depressing
– I didn’t want to be reminded of Justin, about the fact that he wasn’t there. I already had my laptop with me, so I headed for the business center. I could go over our powerpoint one more time on my own, make sure we hadn’t missed anything. My mind felt like such a mess it was probably a good idea I reacquaint myself with it before Carter got there anyway.
When I stepped out of the elevator on the sixth floor, my phone buzzed with a text. I looked, expecting it to be Carter.
But it was Justin.
I’m fine. Coming back to the room now.
My body instinctively turned back to the elevator. But then I stopped.
Why should I go back to the room? So he could give me evasive answers about where he was and what he was doing all night? So I could get all upset before I had to meet Carter and then spend my day at the kickoff meeting obsessing over Justin?
Fuck that. Justin and his late night secrets weren’t important right now. What was important was focusing on what was happening today, being an asset to Carter, and proving myself to Dr. Klaxton.
I kept walking.
The conference center was at the end of the hallway, and it looked kind of like a fishbowl – frosted glass windows surrounded it on all sides. As I got closer to the doorway, I could hear voices.
Carter.
And Dr. Klaxton.
I hesitated, not sure if I should walk in or not. I was early, and maybe Carter had made a plan to meet up with Dr. Klaxton before he met with me.
“Yeah, well, it needs to be better,” Dr. Klaxton was saying.