Or so I thought.
But there were times when my newly erected armor had some serious chinks. And just hearing her name and knowing that I’d see her, left me with a feeling that I tried to suppress.
Gracie Cook made me feel out of control. She made me wild and crazy.
She was the drug I could never get enough of.
And going cold turkey had been the only way to survive her.
I realized I had balled my hands into fists and I forced them to relax.
“Yeah, she sounded pretty good. I was getting worried when we hadn’t seen her for so long,” Garrett was going on. My mouth went dry and I tried to swallow.
Why would they be worried about her? Had something happened?
It didn’t matter. Gracie had issues. A lot of them. I had tried to help her, to be there for her, and she had shit all over me.
But if something was going on with her—
It doesn’t matter!
She had Viv and Maysie. She had her parents.
Who treated her like crap. Remember how she cried in your arms as she told you about how cold and horrible they were. What if she was drinking again? Maybe she needs me…
I had to stop thinking about this stuff.
I slammed the top of my case down and quickly closed the clasps.
“I’m heading out,” I said a little too loudly as I got to my feet.
Garrett looked at me and nodded. I refused to meet his eyes. The fucker saw too much as it was.
“You ready to go?” I asked Sophie, who was still sitting quietly on the edge of the stage. She nodded and scrambled to her feet.
I picked up my bass and started to head off the stage.
“Are you guys going to be around before the show on Friday? We thought once the girls were in town we could all go out and get something to eat,” Cole said.
I gripped Sophie’s hand tightly. “I doubt we’ll be around,” I responded coolly.
I noticed the look that passed between Cole, Jordan, and Garrett. It was obvious I was a topic of discussion when I wasn’t around.
“Well, if you change your mind, let us know,” Jordan added.
I didn’t bother to respond as I all but dragged Sophie out of the venue.
“Whoa, Mitch. Slow down. My legs are half the length of yours,” Sophie laughed once we were outside.
I let go of her and shoved my hands in my pocket, feeling like an idiot. “Sorry. I was just feeling a little claustrophobic in there. It’s a small venue, isn’t it?”
Sophie frowned. “Yeah, it’s a lot smaller than some of the other places you’ve played. Are you sure—”
“You hungry? I could eat a horse,” I interjected.
Sophie’s eyes narrowed. “What’s going on, Mitch?”
I shrugged and started walking towards a small diner at the end of the block. “Nothing. I’m fine. Just hungry and a little tired, I guess.”
Sophie sighed from beside me. “I had hoped that by now this wasn’t still going to be an issue,” she murmured under her breath.
I knew what she was referring to and I felt a rush of my old friend guilt.
“Soph—”
“Let’s get something to eat. Maybe you’ll feel better after that,” she said brightly. But it was fake. So fake.
Just like your entire relationship.
Wait a minute! Where did that come from?
I didn’t think that, did I?
I looked down at my girlfriend of over a year and the guilt became overwhelming.
I cared about Sophie.
But I didn’t love her.
No.
Maybe.
I wasn’t sure.
I only had my feelings for Gracie to compare it to. And there really wasn’t any comparison. But I wanted to love Sophie. It would be so much better than this giant lump of balled up bullshit in my gut that Gracie had left behind.
Fuck feelings. They sucked.
We remained quiet until we were seated in the restaurant.