“Look, Sophie, I’m not sure what you’re looking for from me, but I’m in love with someone else.” I had to be truthful with her. I wouldn’t lead her on. I knew how devastating that was and I wouldn’t do that to someone else.
“I sort of picked up on that,” she had said wryly. “I just know I don’t want this to be a one-night thing.”
And something about her words had hit me right in the gut.
I don’t want this to be a one-night thing.
One night.
That’s all I had had with Gracie.
I had wanted so much more than that.
But it hadn’t happened. And I couldn’t spend the rest of my life wallowing over a woman who didn’t want me. Life was too damn short.
So I had leaned over and kissed Sophie. There were no butterflies. No erratic heartbeat. No sweaty palms. I didn’t tremble when I touched her. I didn’t devour her mouth and want to consume her.
Sophie wasn’t Gracie.
And right then that’s exactly what I needed.
So Sophie and I had sex again. Which led to more sex. Which led into casual dating. Which led into something more serious. Maybe we moved a little fast after everything that had happened with she-who-shall-not-be-named.
I knew that my buddies didn’t entirely approve. Because of course they knew what happened. Once Cole figured it out he quickly shared the news with Garrett and Jordan. They gossiped more than a bunch of pre-teen girls.
“Dude, it’s not really fair to Sophie,” Jordan had lectured a week or so after I had started dating Sophie.
“She knows about…yeah, she knows okay. I’ve been upfront with her,” I argued, not wanting to talk about my fucking love life.
“What about Gracie?” he had asked.
“What about her?” I had demanded angrily. Just her name sent me into a tailspin. I didn’t want to hear about her. I didn’t want to talk about her. Honestly, I just wanted to try to live my life like she had never been in it.
“You love her. That’s what. So how the hell can you commit to Sophie when you love someone else? It’s not right, man.” I hadn’t been in the mood for Jordan’s tough love.
So I had lost it a little bit. I slammed my fist into the wall, bloodying my knuckles. I cradled my hand to my chest and glared at my friend. “Let’s not forget how you and Maysie started out, buddy,” I spat out.
Jordan had looked taken aback. “Yeah, I get that—”
My hand was throbbing and I had hoped I hadn’t broken something. That would not be good given we were in the middle of a tour. “You cheated on your girlfriend of three years with Maysie. You are the king of sordid relationships. So don’t stand there on your fucking soapbox and tell me how to handle things. I know what I’m doing. Sophie and I are on the same damn page. And G…” I trailed off. I couldn’t say her name. Shit. Maybe Jordan was right.
No! He wasn’t. I just needed to move on and Sophie wanted to help me do that. And I cared about Sophie. That was a good start.
Right?
“I like Sophie. We’re together. That’s it. There’s nothing else to it. So just keep your holier than thou opinions to yourself,” I had growled in his face before storming off.
I hadn’t broken my knuckle thankfully and after I had simmered down I felt like a fool for going off on Jordan like that. We both apologized later, but Gracie and our one-night stand was never mentioned again.
Sophie never brought her up either.
Gracie became the dirty word never uttered. Which made it hard when said dirty word was friends with all of my friends.
At first seeing Gracie had been like torture. Silent, horrible torture. Because on the outside I never let on that I was a miserable, fucking mess inside.
To everyone else I was just Mitch. Maybe a little colder than normal, but the same I had always been. But I made sure to never be alone with Gracie. I purposefully avoided eye contact. And I sure as shit never got close. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I could smell her. If I was close enough to see the mole on the side of her neck, I’d lose my damn mind.
But Sophie never left my side. She was my savior. She kept my mind off the person who had hurt me the most. I was lucky to have her.
She helped me move on.
And I had moved on.