chapter 8
The mindscan itself creates a sense of calm. After the procedure, you will emerge with a peaceful sense of security. You will experience comfort, assured of your own sanity and confident of your place in society.
- What to Expect During Your Mindscan Pamphlet Page Two
Three loud blasts startle me awake. The high pitched alarm sounds over the intercom system at daybreak. The girls around me are already up and getting dressed. I have nothing else to wear, so I find Sam and follow her to the cafeteria.
“How’d you sleep?” she asks, noticing my puffy eyes.
“All right.” And it’s true. The physical effort of last night’s race exhausted me, in a good way, like I had used my body to accomplish something.
“It gets better, you’ll see.” She hands me a tray and I follow her into the line. We load our plates up with bacon, eggs and buttered toast.
Sam leads the way to a table where Sabrina, Lexi and a guy I haven’t met are sitting. They’re in the middle of a story. The dark-haired guy – Alex , Sam leans over and whispers, is reliving an experience with one of the instructors. “When I told him I didn’t know if the gun was still loaded, he picked me up clear off the ground and nearly threw me over the table.”
If we were going to swap horror stories about Kane, surely getting thrown in the pool with my hands tied behind my back would raise a few eyebrows.
“I’m Alex, by the way.” He leans over toward me.
I shake his hand. “Eve.”
“Just wait, newbie, you’ll have a collection of stories about Will in no time,” he says.
Wait. They’re talking about Will?
Lexi’s expression dares me to try topping Alex’s story. An urge spikes up inside me at wanting to fit in, to impress my new friends, but mostly to prove Lexi wrong. I let the urge take over. “Actually, I woke up to him standing over my bed one night in the hospital.”
Alex’s mouth falls open. “That’s kinda … rapey … don’t you think?”
The table erupts in laughter, and instantly I regret telling them. I only wanted to fit in, but bringing up something so private – and something that I think was meant to be kind – gives me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I stay quiet throughout the rest of breakfast while Alex dominates most of the conversation, and has everyone else laughing with his stories of Will’s odd behavior and demanding expectations. Maybe I’d read the situation with Will entirely wrong. He is only under O’Donovan’s orders – who declared me a special interest, a side project. That is all. He is not to be trusted.
I see movement in the corner, and I follow Lexi’s gaze. Will stands just inside the doorway scanning the room, and Lexi watches him with unadulterated lust in her eyes. He’s in the same military issue T-shirt he was wearing yesterday, his muscular form accentuated by the way it stretches across his chest. My eyes scan the bottom for traces of blood, but there are none. He must have a million of those shirts. In fact, he probably threw away the one I tainted.
When he finds me, his eyes stop. My face heats up and for the first time that day, I’m self-conscious about my swollen lip, my bruised face.
A few seconds later, another bell chimes and people begin getting up to clear their trays and follow Will outside.
The obstacle course has been cleared away and Kane is there, directing us to run laps. Kane stands off to the side, in the shade of the building and watches us, while Will takes off, setting the pace of the run. It’s much faster than the last time. I regret eating so much. It becomes a challenge to keep the contents of my stomach where they belong, but I manage.
Just like Will said, when we reach the split in the trail, everyone takes the path on the left, the easy side. Except him. My legs itch to scramble over the rough terrain again, to feel the lumpy rocks pushing up against the soles of my feet, but I don’t have the courage to stand out from the group just now. I follow Sam and we stay to the left, like everyone else. I can’t help but wonder why Will is running, let alone taking the harder path – to build up strength, I guess, like I said to him.
Will finishes first, as if to remind everyone why he’s in charge.
After the run, Will lines us up against the wall of the building. There are new faces I’ve never seen before. Guards, or rather, Defects in uniforms. They range in age from just a few years older than me to middle-aged. There are both men and women, but somehow they all take on a similar look. They appear hardened, with stiff shoulders, mouths pulled tight and eyes that watch everything.
“Today, you’re doing field work. You’ll be paired up with a guard to experience life on patrol.” The cheers around me tell me this is a welcomed activity – one that allows us to remain in the sunshine and fresh air, rather than training in the gym.
“Drew and Bryce, you’re with Kane. Lexi and Alex, you’re with 5609,” Will says reading a disheveled-looking man’s tattoo.
Suddenly I’m nervous about who I might be paired with as I study the faces before me. After everyone is placed with a guard, I am the last one left standing against the wall. Maybe Will has decided to keep me with him. My stomach twists into knots, unsure if that’s a good thing or not. “Eve, go with Rena.”
The fact he’s used her name gives me pause. I look to Rena, standing off to the side on her own. Her long hair is going silver around her temples, and lines branch out from her eyes – not making her look old – just wise somehow, like she’s seen enough of the world to last her a lifetime.
I walk toward Rena, feeling Will’s eyes follow me.
“You’re new here,” she says.
“Eve Sterling,” I say.
She takes a step back, like I’ve slugged her. “Sterling?” Her eyes question me.
I nod. Why does she seem frightened by my last name?
Will steps in between us, looking pointedly at Rena. “We’re not here to socialize.” He tips his head out toward the others, already heading away in groups. “She needs to train.”
Rena nods once and moves away from me, leading the way toward the fence.
After several hours of patrolling the compound on foot, I’m bored and tired. Surely there has to be more to it than this. I can’t imagine that this will be my assignment when I’m done with training. Rena has hardly said two words to me. She’s looked my way several times like she wanted to ask a question, then thought better of it and pressed her lips together.
“Is this really all we’re going to do today?” I ask when we round the corner of the facility for the third time.
“What did you have in mind?” she asks, looking straight ahead.
“I just thought I was supposed to be learning something.”
She smiles at my words, but keeps walking. She heads – with a sense of purpose in her stride – toward where Will is standing in the shade of the building, watching everything.
“Eve Sterling says she’d like to learn something today.”
His eyes spark with curiosity, looking from Rena back to me. “Rena, go have Kane get the pulse guns,” he says, his eyes not leaving mine. My stomach drops.
A few minutes later, Kane returns carrying a black duffle bag on his shoulder. All of the others have been dropped off by their guard and are waiting impatiently. Kane unceremoniously drops the bag at Rena’s feet, shooting a look in my direction. Then he goes to help Will secure foam targets printed with the outline of a human body against the side of the fence every few feet.
Standing here lined up, I can watch Will work at the fence. I note the way his shoulders move, and the muscles in his back flex as he holds the target up with one hand and secures it with a tie with his other hand. He secures two for every one Kane sloppily posts to the fence. When Will finishes first, Kane throws his last target in the grass and stalks off, cursing under his breath. I press my lips together to keep from laughing. Apparently they were racing.
Rena intercepts Kane, blocking his path from leaving and points him over to join the lesson. With a satisfied little smile on her lips, Rena opens the bag and spills its contents into the grass. She separates the gun-looking devices from various wires and clips. We’re instructed to line up in front of a target and then take twenty steps back.
Rena stands in front of us, commanding everyone’s full attention. “Today I will show you why you don’t want to find yourself at the wrong end of one of these.” She looks over at Kane and her mouth twitches in a smile. Holy crap, is she actually going to shoot at Kane? Is that what he and Will raced for? He lost and now has to be her target?
I wonder out loud to Sam why we would need to use a pulse gun. She shrugs her shoulders, and stays quiet, watching Rena.
“The pulse gun is a non-lethal weapon. It’s used to subdue dangerous Radicals who may have gained entry across the fence.” She holds the gun out in front of her so we can see it. “It fires darts that pulse a current of electricity into the victim, inhibiting their muscle control. It incapacitates their movement and allows us to take the person into custody for questioning.”
Rena faces Kane and steps feet shoulder-width apart, straightening her posture. I take a deep breath and watch her. I know I can replicate her pose. What terrifies me more than anything else is the idea that I’ll have to fire at Kane. He doesn’t need any more reason to hate me.
She raises the gun out in front of her, pointing it at Kane’s midsection. I swallow down a massive lump that’s lodged itself in my throat. I dare a glance over at Will. He’s smiling. I’m so mesmerized watching him smile, the soft lines around his eyes and his straight white teeth that I miss Rena firing the gun. But the second I hear it, I turn back and see Kane drop to the ground, twitching violently.
Two wires are attached to his chest, and Rena lowers the gun as the electricity continues to surge through his body, stunning him into submission. He continues writhing on the ground for several minutes. When he stands up, he tears the darts from his chest and stalks off, but not before shooting me a nasty glare. Crap.
We practice loading the cartridges into the pulse guns, while Rena comes around to show us how they work.
I take a minute to just get used to the feel of it in my hands. It doesn’t evoke a sense of fear inside me like it probably should. It must be because I know I couldn’t kill someone holding this. Even still, I have no desire to fire this at an actual human being, and I’m glad we’re using dummy darts and foam targets today.
We work in groups of threes, each taking a turn with the gun. Rena walks among us, checking people’s posture as she goes. She stops and watches the guy – Drew, she calls him – next to me.
He holds the gun with a cocky look of determination that makes my skin crawl. He fires, and hits the target in the dead center of the chest.
“Good. Left arm,” Rena commands, helping him reload the weapon.
Drew aims and fires again, and I see the darts shoot out and attach to the left arm of the target.
“Right arm,” she says softly, giving him another cartridge.
The target’s right arm gets pierced.
“Right between the eyes,” Rena challenges, her voice low, calming.
Drew cracks a mischievous grin and fires one last time – the poor target is now peppered with the darts – and it lands with a crack, squarely between the eyes. A tangle of used wires lay between him and the target.
“Nicely done.” Rena approaches me next.
I still haven’t fired a single shot yet. I just stand there, holding the gun, feeling incredibly out of place.
I remember the way Rena seemed surprised by my last name. I watch her with curiosity. She must be several years older than my mother, and I’m sure I’ve never seen her before.
I widen my stance so my feet are shoulder-width apart and draw a breath to steady myself. I try to push the strange reaction from Rena from my mind. I lift the pulse gun and visualize my darts flying toward the target. When I press the trigger, the darts shoot out, but drop several feet from the target and clatter to the ground. I hear snickers around me.
“Why is she even here? Drew asks. “It’s an insult to the rest of us.”
I realize that everyone else has already fired and hit the target, and they are watching me, waiting for me to finish before they can walk to the fence and retrieve their darts.
“Take your time,” Rena says, putting herself in between Drew and me.
She reloads my gun, and I try again, more determined this time. I pull back on the trigger, and though my darts fly nearly to the fence, they’re way off center from the target.
“This is ridiculous. I’m going to get my darts,” Drew says. “There’s no way she could hit me, even if she wanted to.”
Trust me, in that moment, I wanted to.
“All right Eve, take a break. Everyone else, go get your darts,” Will says.
Thankful for the distraction, I take a moment to study those around me, trying to understand what I’m doing wrong.
Sam seems to be doing the same thing as me – only she’s stronger and her hands must be steadier. I try again, and my darts hit the ground and plunge into the earth. Drew laughs and flips his gun around in his hands, showing off. And for the first time, I realize I might not be able to do this. I hand the gun I’m holding to Alex, rather than risk shooting Drew, and take several steps back.
Will steps into view. “Everyone who has … hit the target is free to go to lunch.” His eyes fall on me.
Everyone heads inside the building, and I’m left with just Will and Rena.
“Go pick up your gun,” Will says to me. His voice is low and commanding and washes over me, making my heart thud in anticipation. My lips part slightly, and my breathing speeds up as my body responds to him. I focus on slowing my breathing, and I walk the few paces to pick up the gun from the ground.
He comes up behind me and places his hands on my hips. His touch is firm, knowing, and he straightens my hips toward the target. My feet follow. “Square up to the target.” He moves my hips forward just slightly. He’s so close I can feel his breath on the top of my head.
I muster a nod and do my best to pay attention.
“Hold it just like you were before; that part was right.”
At least I wasn’t a total moron. I had one thing right. “Maybe I’m just not strong enough to do this,” I say softly.
“I don’t believe that. Do you?”
I don’t answer.
“You were holding your breath. This time, when you fire, make sure you exhale.” My heart flutters erratically under his touch. He drops his hands from my waist and steps back. “Okay?”
I swallow.
Even after he steps several back, it takes me a few moments to catch my breath. When I do, I pull back on the trigger with new confidence and breathe out at just the same moment. The darts nail the target with a thud. I almost jump at the sound, I’m so on edge.
“Much better,” he says. “Do it again.”
I do it again, just like he showed me and hit the target again.
Will doesn’t say anything; he just exchanges a knowing glance with Rena.
I try it a few more times, hitting the target each time.
“Okay, Eve, you can go to lunch,” Will says.
I turn to them. “Can I … talk to Rena for a second?”
He looks me over, thinking. I hope he assumes it’s about improving my skills with the pulse guns. He nods. “Just hurry up, you don’t get much time to eat.”
Thankfully, Will turns and leaves, heading inside. I wouldn’t know how to have this conversation with him here. I barely know what to say as it is. I had all afternoon with her and couldn’t work up the courage.
Rena faces me, looking more nervous than she was with a group of amateurs with weapons.
“When I said my last name, you knew it. Did you know my mother? Britta Sterling.”
Rena swallows, and her eyes shift to the building, ensuring we’re alone. She takes a deep breath. “I didn’t know her personally, but yes, your mother was here when I first began teaching here.”
“What happened? Why was she here, and how did she get out?”
Rena looks me over. “You are a mix of both of them, light eyes, dark hair, slight build, your mother’s height,” she says.
“You knew my father, too?” My mouth goes dry.
“Your mother was the first Defect we have on file. They stuck her in the hospital and used her as a guinea pig, running all kinds of tests.” She scratches absently at her wrist. My eyes flash to her tattoo. “They put her in Dr. Elway’s care, trying to figure out what was different about her. He was a brilliant, young neuroscientist with promising research.” She smiles, like she remembers him fondly. I sense that she is about to stop, afraid of saying too much. I hold my breath, waiting for her to continue.
“No one could have ever predicted they would fall in love – doctor and mental patient. But they did; your parents loved each other very much. Your mother became pregnant and when word got out, the whole operation here became the laughing stock of the capital. It was a black mark against the work they were doing that one simple girl could fool them so easily, and they didn’t even know how. When she began to grow bigger with you, they released her, wanting to forget the whole thing.”
I guess I know the rest of the story. I just don’t understand why my mother kept it from me. “What became of my father?”
Rena places her hands on my shoulders and bends down closer to me. “You must be very careful, Eve Sterling.”