chapter 5
Years ago Linda had been determined to put her career first. Fate, however, had brought her a friend, Mattie, and then a lover, Tony.
From the second she’d met him, she’d been hooked.
Even after they’d had sex, much earlier than they should have, he’d showed no signs of tiring of her. For the next few months, despite her better judgment, she hadn’t been able to stay away from him. He’d unleashed something in her. An inner wildness that had always frightened her but one she had also missed. One that, given who they’d been, had still seemed a little scary but within the bounds of reason. Why shouldn’t she have enjoyed it—enjoyed him—at least for a little while?
He hadn’t had a lot of ambition. He’d worked as a waiter. Still, he hadn’t been lazy. More importantly, he hadn’t been like the “bad boys” she’d dated before she’d wised up. Dating him wouldn’t have interfered with her job or brought down her reputation.
Instead he’d been sweet. Good.
And he’d made her feel the same way.
One night he came to pick her up at work. She’d had to work late and had missed him terribly. Plus, the evening had marked a celebration of sorts—their third month together.
She felt bad for delaying the festivities. As she went to meet him in the lobby, a thought occurred to her.
The receptionist was long gone.
The office deserted.
Maybe they could do a little celebrating right here...
She told him she needed to grab something from her office and invited him back.
He looked mildly surprised, but followed her.
When they stepped into her windowless office, she shut the door. Locked it.
He raised an eyebrow at her.
High on sheer happiness and feeling bolder than she had in a very long time, she gave her passion free rein. Wanting to surprise him, maybe even shock him, she reached beneath her skirt, pulled down her panties and tossed them to Tony. He caught them and studied the black lace.
Instead of laughing nervously and telling her she was crazy like she half expected, he coolly and calmly put them in his pocket.
Just like that, her desire for him skyrocketed.
She pushed Tony down into her office chair, raised her skirt and straddled him. He caressed her hips.
“So, I take it we’re going to be late for dinner?” he said.
“Just something to tide us over.” She skimmed her tongue over his lips and into his mouth. He moaned, the sound traveling all the way to the core of her. She felt tendrils of need winding through her body.
She kissed his strong jaw. Then his neck. She unbuttoned his royal blue shirt and kissed each patch of skin as it was exposed. His chest muscles tensed as she toyed with a nipple.
He growled. Arched his hips into hers.
Linda loved the idea that she could do this to him. Make him want her. Make him lose control. And maybe allow herself to release, if only a little, the tight hold she kept on her own.
Linda unbuttoned his pants, slipped her hand inside and cupped the heavy weight of him. Tony closed his eyes and groaned.
With one last kiss she slithered down to kneel between his legs.
He stopped her and pulled her back onto his lap. “Babe, this might not be the best place for this.”
Linda leaned back, surprise clearly etched on her face. In the bedroom, at least, he wasn’t as mellow as he appeared. He’d been game for pretty much anything up to now. In fact, he’d pushed her own sexual experience to its limits.
He smiled gently at her look of confusion and kissed her lips lightly. “What do you say we continue this at my place? A nice comfy bed. Lots of pillows. Lots and lots of other things, starting with foreplay.”
Linda automatically nodded, but it was more to mask her embarrassment than anything else. Had she gone too far? Sure, no one was around, but that could change any second. What was it about her that eventually had to push things over the line? Give herself a little freedom and she went overboard.
Biting her lip, wondering what Tony must be thinking of her, she moved to get off of him. He stopped her.
“Wait. Don’t go anywhere yet. Give me a chance to come down.”
He kissed her again, and Linda could feel how hard he still was. With his hands guiding her, she slowly rested her head on his shoulder and relished the idea that this man...this glorious, sexy, intelligent man...simply wanted to hold her. He stroked her hair.
“There’s another reason I want to go to my place. I—I have something I need to talk to you about. Afterward, if you still want to—”
He shifted slightly, as if he was nervous.
A question formed in her mind. Was he going to propose to her? After such a short time? And if so, what was she going to say?
“How’s your day been? Good?”
She automatically nodded at his non sequitur, recognizing full well he was attempting to steer the conversation away from what he’d just brought up.
It didn’t matter.
It didn’t even matter that he was a waiter and she was an attorney. That just meant she’d be able to support them while he figured out what he really wanted to do with his life.
Yes, she thought. I want to say yes.
He took her hand, brought it up to his mouth for a kiss. The tender gesture almost brought tears to her eyes. I will say yes, she thought.
He leaned up. Kissed her forehead. Then her nose. Her cheeks. When he tried to move away, she grabbed him and kissed him deeply. She didn’t stop for several minutes. When she did, he leaned his head back on the chair, his eyes closed, and tried to catch his breath.
“You’re trying my good intentions, woman.” Holding her hips, he gently slid her off his lap. He groaned as she rubbed against him, then cupped himself through his coffee-colored trousers. For a moment he caressed himself, sliding the palm of his hand over his erect shaft. Linda watched him, entranced.
“Seriously, you’re amazing. You’re going to kill me.”
He didn’t sound like he minded.
He stood and wrapped his palm around her neck before plunging his tongue into the warm wet cavern of her mouth. “I want you. I—I love you.”
She moaned softly at his words. She’d felt his love, but he’d never voiced it before.
He pulled back. “Ten minutes, babe. Meet me at my place.”
When she nodded, he opened the door and checked to see if the coast was clear. He gave her one last heated glance and then disappeared. It was only then that she realized she hadn’t said the words back. I love you.
She did. She loved him so much it was frightening. She didn’t love easy. In fact, the last man, the only man, Linda had ever loved was her father, and her father had hurt her, time and again. She’d never wanted to give another man that same power over her.
But like it or not, Tony already had the power to hurt her.
Because she loved him.
She watched him go with a feeling of dread and excitement. Tony was so much more than she’d expected him to be. If she’d straddled any other guy the way she had him, he would have been inside her in two seconds flat. Tony’s hard-on clearly showed he was interested, but he was still able to maintain control.
Unlike her. And that worried her.
He had no idea what kind of emotional baggage she was carrying around. She should be staying as far away as possible from him, not encouraging even the most casual of sexual relationships let alone something more. Something that involved love. But her heart, so starved for masculine attention, for his attention, was now operating on overdrive. She couldn’t give him up. Not yet. And if he proposed to her, maybe not ever.
As it turned out, Tony hadn’t proposed to her that night.
Instead he’d confided in her. About who he really was—a good man with a history of drug abuse. Of addiction.
And she’d loved him enough to stay with him. To try.
Until loving him and trying to help him had no longer been enough.