I gazed up at the ceiling as the morning light seeped in through a crack in the curtains. I checked my watch. I had a math exam in about two hours. I’d planned to study after my date with Lizzie, but I couldn’t even concentrate. Sleep had been impossible too. I’d replayed the conversation between us at least a hundred times. When she wasn’t in my life, I was a fucking mess. Now that she was back in my life, I was still fucked up. The blood had drained from me when she told me she loved me, and not because she’d said the word love or poured out her heart. No, I was freaking out because if she was expecting me to say it back, no way. Fear gripped me. Fear that when she left for Miami I wouldn’t see her again. Stop being a * and commit. Take a chance. You’re not thirteen anymore. People have long-distance relationships all the time. Kade and Lacey were apart while she was in school. They were doing well. So why couldn’t I do it? My old man had always been separated from my mom when he was on deployment for the military, and they were still married. Do something, or you’re going to lose her.
A knock sounded, and the door opened.
“Can I come in?” Lizzie asked in a sleepy voice.
We had fallen asleep watching Transformers. I hadn’t wanted to drive her back at midnight. She’d seemed so peaceful, sleeping on my lap. So, as much as it had pained me not to tuck her into my bed, I’d carried her up to one of the guest bedrooms.
“Careful you don’t trip over my clothes.” They usually ended up on the floor when I was half-asleep.
She undressed, taking off her tank top first, revealing that black lace bra I’d wanted to remove with my teeth during our game last night. Then she shimmied out of her jeans. When she bent over, her breasts practically spilled out of the garment.
Motherfucker. Patriots. Football. Super Bowl.
She kicked her clothes to the side and scurried to the bed. I thought to move, but I was entranced at her beauty. That didn’t stop her. She wormed her way under the covers, trying to push me. When her body touched mine, warm and soft as warm butter, tingles raced down my stomach. I slid over not more than an inch. I wanted her plastered to me, fused so tight I wouldn’t be able to let her go.
“Wow, you’re on fire,” she said, yawning.
Ha. I was an inferno of massive proportions, and not because I was sweating either. “It’s a guy thing.” I flipped onto my side, shoving my hand under my pillow.
She adjusted herself so we were face-to-face. “How come you didn’t wake me to take me back to Dillon’s?”
“It was easy to carry you to bed. I did text Dillon, though.”
She threaded her leg in between mine. “Are you okay?” Her long lashes fanned out as she dropped her gaze to my lips.
I repeated my sports mantra in my head, fast and furiously. But it wasn’t helping. My body was in desperate need to ravish her in every way imaginable. On the other hand, my brain roared no. My body had to be in sync with my brain for me to even think about making love to her. Fuck. I’d said make love. Usually I had sex with women. I didn’t make love. But Lizzie wasn’t any woman.
“I really am a dickwad, aren’t I?” I pulled at her necklace until the half-heart charm was in my hand. The one thing that kept fucking with my head. This charm was the reason I was in a state of craziness. It raised memories, both good and bad, although the bad outweighed the good. I wanted to yank it off her neck and hide it where I wouldn’t be reminded of pain and heartache. But I couldn’t do that. It was special to her.
“No. You’re scared. It’s okay to be.”
Terrified was more like it.
“Kel, why all the questions last night?”
I dragged my fingers down her cheek. “I was trying to relive the past.” The good times we’d had. Maybe then I could move on.
“Maybe it’s time to make new memories.”
Her in my bed was already a new memory. “So, you love me, huh?” I stared at the charm.
She snuggled closer before kissing my neck. “Yep.” Her lips moved up to my chin. “Flaws and all.” She moved her hips into me, her soft lips touching every part of my face except my mouth.