The younger boy, on the other hand, was much more observant than his older sister. Liam couldn’t have been more than two, with chubby cheeks and dark brown eyes the size of saucers. He stared back at me over his dad’s shoulder, studying me intently.
Finn’s wife Mia came out from a back bedroom, shaking her head and making her ponytail bob. The long sundress she wore fell over the rapidly growing belly. It had only been a little over a month since I’d last seen her at Ember’s birthday party, but by the way she looked now, it seemed like the baby must be due soon.
“Sorry about the kids,” Mia said, offering me an embarrassed smile as she walked over to Finn and the kids.
“No, it’s fine,” Finn assured her, and gave her a quick peck on the lips.
“Since Bryn is here, I take it that the meeting went well?” Mia asked.
Finn nodded. “She’ll be staying with us for a while, but that’s what we’d planned anyway.”
“I hope it’s not too much trouble having me here,” I said.
“It’s no trouble at all.” Mia smiled. “I’ll take the kids to Liam’s room to play, and let you get settled in.” Liam allowed his mom to pick him up, but he turned his head, unwilling to take his eyes off me for a second.
And then suddenly it hit me, watching Mia and Finn with their children like that—this would’ve been Tilda’s life. This should’ve been her and Kasper, and their unborn child, but now it never would be.
Because I had failed to act fast enough, Kasper had been killed, and this whole life was ripped away from Tilda and their baby. And now I couldn’t even be with her. I couldn’t even apologize for what had happened.
It all fell on me so hard, I was afraid my knees would give way for a moment. I wanted nothing more than to collapse on the cool dirt floor and let the sadness overtake me, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let it.
“Bryn?” Mia’s eyes widened with concern. “Are you okay?” Then she turned to her husband, sounding panicked. “Finn, I think she’s gonna pass out.”
Finn dropped Hanna quickly but safely on the floor, then hurried over to me. “Bryn?”
“I’m fine,” I said but my words sounded hollow. He put his hand on my arm to steady me, and I wanted to push it away, but I didn’t have the strength.
“Have her sit down and get her a glass of water,” Mia said, taking Hanna’s hand.
Finn took my duffel bag from me, and I didn’t even try to fight it. He led me over to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair for me. I sat with my head in my hands and let him fuss over me until the weakness finally began to subside.
When I looked up, Finn was standing over me with a worried crease in his brow, and Mia was sitting at the table beside me. I hadn’t even heard her come back out.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I don’t know what that was about.”
“No need to be sorry.” Mia reached out, touching my forehead gently. “You’re cool and clammy. Are you feeling sick at all?”
I shook my head. “No. I’ve just had a very long week.”
Mia leaned on the table, studying me the same way her son had before. “When was the last time you’ve eaten?”
It wasn’t until she mentioned it that I realized I hadn’t in a very long time. While I’d been on the road, I’d hardly been able to find anything that sat with my sensitive troll stomach, and when I’d been with the Omte, they hadn’t been much on feeding us.
“It’s been a while,” I admitted sheepishly.
“I’ll make you something.” Mia pushed back the chair to get up.
“No, you shouldn’t be waiting on me,” I said, glancing over at her belly.
She smiled and waved me off as she stood. “Nonsense. I’ve still got another month left with this one, and I can’t just spend it sitting around.” She rubbed her stomach. “I’ve got things to do.”
“Do you need any help?” Finn asked.
“No, you sit down and talk to Bryn,” Mia said as she began bustling about the kitchen.
Finn sat across from me. When I’d had my head down, either he or Mia had poured a cup of tea for me. He leaned across the table and nudged it closer to me.
“You should drink something.”
“Thank you.” I took a long sip, and the warmth of the drink felt amazing.
Finn’s home, like many troll homes, was built sort of like a rabbit burrow—with most of it underground in the bluffs. This kept it warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer, which was nice on days like today when outside temperatures had risen into the seventies.
In a lot of ways, Finn’s house was similar to Ridley’s house back in Doldastam, except since it was a bit warmer here, they got to have more earthy features, like dirt floors and bushes growing around the doorway.
Remembering Ridley, and the times I’d spent in his house with him usually sitting beside a crackling fire talking about work, only made me feel worse. My stomach clenched and my heart throbbed painfully in my chest. I missed him terribly, and I wanted only to wrap my arms around him.
“You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders,” Finn commented.