Crossroad to Love (Fab Five Series)

chapter 23


Back at the bachelor pad, Ryan helped Katy out of the car and escorted her to the entrance of his condo, nodding to the doorman as they walked past him. The doorman watched the couple as they entered the building. Mr. O’Grady had brought many women to his place in the past, but certainly none as attractive and classy as the one on his arm tonight.

As Ryan unlocked the door and ushered her in, he flipped the light switch by the front door. “Welcome to my humble abode,” he said as he led her to the couch.

“This is very nice, Ryan, a real bachelor pad.” Katy laughed as she looked around. He certainly had good taste. The leather furniture suited him well. He had a southwestern décor, which fit into his Texas lifestyle. He had done a good job with the condo. Or had someone else decorated it for him? She really did not want to know.

“Thank you. Have a seat. Would you like a drink?” he asked politely.

“After that scrumptious meal, I don’t need a thing, thank you.” She sat down on the oversized leather sofa and smiled up at him nervously.

“Now, what did you want to talk to me about, my sweet?” he asked as he plopped down beside her. “Maybe we don’t need to talk, after all. You look very fetching sitting on my sofa.” He pulled her to him and kissed her, a long, lingering kiss that begged to be taken further.

She gave herself to the kiss, returning his passion with her own. Oh, Ryan…All lucid thoughts were gone as she lost herself in Ryan’s kisses. He laid her back on the couch, tracing her face with his finger. He looked into her eyes, kissed her again and sat up, pulling her up beside him. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I promised you I would behave, and I will.”

“It’s ok, Ryan. I didn’t exactly fight you, now did I?” Katy laughed. I only wish we could have finished what we began on this couch. This is all so confusing. One minute I think we are not meant to be lovers and then he kisses me and I wonder if maybe we are. I have to tell him now before we go to a place we may not be supposed to go.

“No, I guess you didn’t. That was some kiss. But you said you wanted to talk, so I am ready to listen now.”

She took a deep breath before beginning.

“Ryan, in the past week, we have become close, am I right?” she began nervously chewing her lip as she watched his face.

“We have. You came into my sorry life like a Texas tornado. You really turned me around, little lady.”

Katy giggled at the thought of being compared to a tornado. “I hope that’s a good thing.”

“Oh, you bet it is. If we intend to pursue this thing, though, and see where it leads us, we are going to have to discuss the distance factor, you know.”

She looked into his eyes and began to speak again. “But we need to talk about something else first.”

He smiled down at her.

“Have it all figured out, don’t you?” He touched her cheek softly and leaned over to kiss her.

She responded to his kiss again, not wanting it to end. But end it must, so she pulled away and tried to speak again.

“Ryan, there is something else I have to tell you. This is very serious and I have been debating how to tell you ever since we had dinner the other night. Do you remember our conversation about Marnie and the accident?”

He sighed as he said, “Yes, I do, but why do we have to ruin tonight by bringing her up? I thought the other night was the end of that subject.”

“I had hoped that it would be the end of that subject, but something you said that night absolutely stunned me. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say at the time, but I have given it a lot of thought, and you have to know.”

“What in the world are you trying to tell me, Katy?” Ryan asked, a puzzled look on his face.

She took a deep breath and finally spoke the words that she did not want to say. The words that would end her newfound relationship with the first man she had met in ten years that was worth getting to know.

“Ryan, remember when you told me how you’d tried to locate the widow of the driver of the other car, but you decided against it?”

“Yes… Oh, my God, Katy, I forgot… He lived in Chicago… Did you know them?” Realization was slowly beginning to dawn.

“Ryan, this is so hard for me… My given name is Kathryn… Katy is a nickname.” There, I’ve said it.

Ryan was silent for several minutes. He rose from the couch and ran his hand through his hair. He turned to look at Katy crying on the couch and gasped, “It’s you?”

She nodded silently, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

“Ryan, it’s all right.”

“No. How can it ever be all right? My devious, cheating wife and her lover were in the car that crossed the center line and killed your beloved husband and your precious little girl. How can that ever be all right? How can you even stand to be in the same city with me, let alone start a relationship with me?” Ryan asked angrily, hating himself for being a reminder to her of what she had lost.

“It’s not your fault, Ryan. You had nothing to do with the accident. I don’t blame you in any way. Please believe me. I had no qualms about starting a relationship with you. I wanted to spend time with you, get to know you, see where this leads us. But what we thought was love at first sight may have been nature’s way of getting us together so that both of us could have closure with the past. I just don’t know what to think.” A single tear rolled down her cheek. Ryan reached over to wipe it away and kissed the spot where it had rolled.

“But, can you say that in time, you wouldn’t grow to resent me, Katy, darling? And what about your son, surely he would resent me?” he asked gently. “You may be right. We may have been meant to meet and that was all. We were meant to be friends and to work together. Maybe that was all it was. We could be misreading the signs.”

“Ryan, I really thought I was falling in love with you. You asked me if I believed in love at first sight. Well, I never did, but after meeting you, I did. There was something about you the first time my eyes met yours. How can that not mean something? How can I feel the way I do when you kiss me if it doesn’t mean anything? I’m so confused.”

“What about your son? What will he say when he finds out who I am?”

“He knows, Ryan. He feels the same way I do. It’s not your fault. He wants to meet the man who’s turned my head after all these years. He wishes us well. He believes we are starting a relationship. I don’t think he considers the accident to be a factor in that.”

“You have had a few days to get used to this. I am, as you said you were, stunned. I need to think this thing through. Katy, you do mean the world to me, you know that, but I just can’t even begin to wrap my head around this right now. I need some time to put it all into perspective. Can you understand that?” Ryan looked down at Katy sadly.

“I will give you all the time you need, Ryan,” she replied simply. “I need time to think, as well. In time, maybe we will find a way to overcome this. In the meantime, we’ll be working together somewhat, although most of my work will be with Chloe. We can still work together, can’t we?”

Ryan came over to the couch, knelt in front of Katy and took her into his arms.

“Baby, I am so sorry. Sorry for your loss. Sorry that it had to be my wife in the other car. Sorry that this had to come between us. I am in love with you, it was not a fantasy. And yes, by all means, we are two civilized adults. We can work together and we can be friends. Anything beyond that… I just don’t know. I love you, but I don’t know if I can be with you. There would always be the accident in the background, standing between us.”

“But it doesn’t have to come between us, my love.” Katy gently touched his face.

She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, his cheek, and finally his mouth. He hesitated for just a minute and then returned her kiss with all the love that he felt for her.

“Katy, please forgive me. I’m going to take you back to the hotel now. We need to say goodnight before we go further than we intend to. Very many more kisses like that and we may easily lose control. That wouldn’t be a good thing right now.”

“Or it might be the best thing to happen to both of us in a long time,” she replied softly, her eyes willing him to make love to her.

“Ah, my yellow rose, don’t look at me like that. We have a lot of thinking to do and we’re both going to be very busy with our businesses in the near future. So, you get on that plane in two days and you fly home to Chicago. You think about everything that has happened this week. You think about the past. You see if you still feel the same way about me after you put some distance between us, and I will do the same. When you come back to Dallas to work on the project, we’ll talk again. That’s the best I can do for now, my sweet love.” He looked sadly into her eyes before turning away and reaching for his keys.

“If that is truly what you want. I do believe I love you, Ryan. But I will think about it and I will give you the space you need. We came into each other’s lives for a reason. I’m not sure what that reason was. That’s what we need to figure out. Neither one of us can deny the strong feelings that we share for each other. That kiss just proved that.”

“I wish things could be different for us. But, Katy, you have to be sure that months or years down the road, you won’t resent who I am. I’ll take you back to your hotel now and I’ll call you soon to make arrangements for you to fly back out here to work.”

Katy sadly gathered her things and let Ryan lead her out of the condo and back to his car. Things had gone pretty much the way she had anticipated, but it did not make it hurt any less. At least there was still a chance that they would be able to come to grips with it all. He had not ruled out a relationship with her. She would just have to wait patiently. The ball was in his court now. She had waited ten years for him to come into her life, what were a few more months? If he came back to her, then she would know it was meant to be. If we’d made love, maybe he would have decided to stay with me. She’d never wanted a man as much as she had wanted Ryan tonight.

The ride back to the hotel was a quiet one. When they pulled into the parking lot of the Prava, he parked the car and turned to her. “I do love you.” He took her into his arms and kissed her one last, sweet time. When he released her, he said, “I’ll call you. Think about what I said. I won’t say goodbye. I can’t.”

“I’ll wait for your call, then.”

He walked her to the elevator and then he was gone. Katy rode the elevator up to her floor. She held the tears in check until she reached the door of the suite. Everyone is going to get a happy ending but me. It just isn’t fair.

As she unlocked the door and entered the room, she fell into the waiting arms of her three closest friends. They allowed her to cry until she could cry no more. Then they led her to the couch, fixed her a drink and proceeded to listen as she told them the events that had taken place in Ryan’s living room.

Angie was the first to speak. “Honey, there’s still hope. Just give him time to come to grips with all of it.”

“Yes, Angie’s right, all is not lost. He’s in shock,” Lizzie agreed.

Marianne thoughtfully added, “Don’t give up, Katy. He did say that he loves you. He just has to find a way to deal with the guilt. Not so different from me and Jon.”

The girls got ready for bed. Lizzie whispered to Katy, “I’ll see Ryan at the meeting tomorrow. I’ll see how he’s doing, and if I can get Chloe alone, I’ll see if she’s talked with him.”

“Thank you, Liz, I’m so worried about him. I know that my feelings are not going to change, as he’s afraid they will. But I’m so worried that this has come between us forever.”

“Pray and have faith. It will all work out. I know it will.”

The girls said goodnight and turned out the lights. Sleep was a long time coming for Katy. She finally fell asleep in the early morning hours, dreaming mixed-up dreams of Bill, Bree, and Ryan.