“I’m so sorry, Mom! I’m so fucking sorry! I haven’t seen you in a long time and I didn’t say goodbye to you.” I break apart as Natalie’s hand rubs my back. “I lied to you and I didn’t tell you all the things that you should’ve heard. I didn’t tell you about how much I wished it were me and not Krissy. I didn’t tell you about how much you mean to me. I should’ve always told you the truth. Like how I really did put gum in Krissy’s hair on Easter. Or how I broke your rules about sneaking girls in the house. I took your car that day and then told you it was Krissy. I’m sorry I lied! I failed you.”
“Shhh.” Natalie runs her fingers through my hair as I sob, crying at my mother’s bedside. “It’s okay, trust me, she’s not upset or mad. She loves you, Liam. And she knew it was you, you didn’t lie. She knows.”
I pull back and look at her as we both cry for the pain that surrounds us. There’s been so much we’ve dealt with, but I need Natalie by my side. I only wish my mom could’ve seen how special she is. That she could’ve held our children and they would know her love. She would’ve doted on them, baked cookies, spoiled them until they never wanted to come home to us. She would’ve been the best grandmother our children ever knew.
“Mom, I want you to meet Lee officially. I told you how I felt a few months ago and you said to follow my heart. She’s my heart.” I look at Natalie with her glossy eyes and then I stand. I walk and pull a chair over and point to it.
She shakes her head and sits.
“Anyway, I wanted you to be the first to know we’re having a baby.” Natalie grips my hand. God, I love this woman. “We’re going to have a kid, and I’m going to marry her. She doesn’t know that yet, but I am. I’m going to love her and be the man you told me to be. I’ll give her the world because she deserves it. I’ll make you proud.”
I hear Natalie sniff and she lets her tears fall. I get down on one knee in front of her. I didn’t plan this, I don’t have a ring, but I have my heart and she already owns it.
“Natalie Gilcher, I love you more than anyone could love another. My world only makes sense since you’ve come into it. I want to marry you, love you, adore you, give you children and anything else you want. I’ll provide for you and never take you for granted. I know what life is like without you, and I only want to live in a world with you by my side. When I’m gone, my heart will remain with you. Will you allow me the honor to love you from now until the end of time?”
My heart rate is through the roof and the tears won’t stop long enough to see him clearly. I never in a million years expected him to propose now. I mean, we haven’t been together that long, and while I know that he’s the one for me in every way, I can’t think.
“Liam,” I say and he wipes the tears from my eyes. “Are you sure?”
I don’t want him to do this out of some sense of obligation because we’re having a baby. There’s not a doubt that I love him and want to be his wife, but I know in grief you can do things impulsively. I want to marry him when he’s sure that this is what he’s ready for.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything. I love you, Natalie. I love you more than I can ever tell you. I want to hold you, wipe your tears, kiss you, console you, watch you smile, make love to you every day and every night. I know I don’t have a ring—”
“Yes,” I say before he can say another word. “Yes, I want to be your wife. I don’t need a ring . . . I just need you.”
Liam stands and takes me into his arms. He kisses me with tears spilling between the two of us. He holds my face and looks at his mother who rests peacefully. “She said yes, Mom.”
Liam’s dad enters a few seconds later and walks to the end of the bed. “Dad, I’d like to tell you that Natalie and I are getting married and she’s having our baby. I told Mom as well.”
His father smiles and his lip quivers. He looks at his wife and my chest aches. You can see how badly he wants to share this moment. I extract myself from Liam’s arms and walk to his father. He opens his arms and I embrace him.
“I’m so happy, but so sad at the same time,” he murmurs. “She would’ve loved you.”
I nod understanding exactly what he means. When I held Aarabelle for the first time when we thought Aaron was dead, I wasn’t sure if smiling was okay. I remember feeling the utter despair of being without him in that moment but also elation that she was here. His happiness is clouded by his agony. The thing about grief is it comes in many forms and there’s no right or wrong way.
“I’m sure I would’ve loved her as well. But her memory will be cherished. I promise our child will know the woman she was and how much she would’ve loved them.” I vow this and I will live up to that. She was clearly loved and a wonderful woman.
We spend the next few hours in Shannon’s room talking to her and telling her stories about Liam and Aarabelle. Aidan smiles and laughs when I tell him about Liam’s diaper issues. He tells me stories about Liam as a kid and how he was always into some kind of trouble.
“The worst was when he got into sticking things up his nose,” he chuckles and Liam groans.