He just barely touches his lips to mine. Liam’s head moves side to side as he brushes against my mouth. It’s a game of who’s stronger at this point. “I didn’t ask that.”
“I’m not sure how to answer that, Liam. I’m here with you right now. I’m in your arms. I want to be here—with you.”
The air is thick between us and he doesn’t relax. “He doesn’t have to be here. This is you and me.”
“I don’t want to lose you.” The honesty seeps through each syllable. “I’m scared.”
Liam lies back on the couch and pulls me against his chest. I lie in his arms pressed against him with our fingers intertwined. “I’m falling in love with you, Natalie.” His chest rumbles and I look up. “If I’m not already there. You’re not the only one who’s got something to lose. I don’t want you to say anything back to me. I just want you to know.” Liam’s fingers roll mine as he waits for me to react.
As afraid as I am about being hurt again, I know I’m not alone. “I’m falling for you too. I just don’t know if I can.”
His eyes tell me he understands. He pulls me back down and rubs his hand against my back. There’s a lot the two of us need to overcome. But right here and now, I’m safe. Liam’s strong arms hold me together and I try to think of the last time I felt this way.
Aaron and I were married so young, but we’d had a good marriage. He was gone a lot, and that part sucked, but it made our reunions that much sweeter. Aaron had a temper, but he was never abusive or mean. Hell, half the time I was the one throwing things across the room. He provided for me and I became content. But there were times I could see him distancing himself from me. When he would become belligerent when I would try to talk about what happened overseas. The infertility, PTSD, and his disdain of no longer being a SEAL ate at us. He would spend hours in the garage working on his car and then go to sleep or go out. I put blinders on and thought when I was pregnant with Aarabelle it would fix everything. But the only time Aaron was happy was when other people were around.
Then I wonder about Liam. The fact that I’d be entering a relationship knowing the life I’d live with him and the possible outcome. But I was built for this. I’m a SEAL wife. I know the life, the struggles, and the joys that it can bring. I know I’m able to handle deployments and all that goes with it. I just don’t know if I could withstand losing him. Loving Liam comes with a cost.
“What’s going through your mind? I can feel you tensing up.” Liam breaks the silence.
I lean on my hand that rests upon his chest. His blue eyes sparkle and I give a sad smile. “I’m thinking about all of it. The love, the loss, the affair. I think the fact that I don’t have answers is the hardest part.”
“Do you want to talk to her? Will that help?” Liam’s hand continues to run up and down my back.
“I don’t know. A part of me wants to forget it all and call her a liar. What does it even matter?”
Liam kisses the top of my head and lets out a deep sigh.
“Where do we go from here?” I ask.
Liam’s hands grip my shoulders and he pulls me on top of him. I’m lying on his chest and we’re face to face. “We decide. You decide because I’m here with you, but I need to know you’re not there with him.”
Pushing my hands up his chest, I rest against his shoulders. “I’m with you right now.”
He sits up so quickly I’m not sure how he manages it. He flips me so I’m on my back and he’s on top of me. My body warms from his touch and he glides his calloused fingers down my bare arm. “Liam . . .” I sigh his name.
“Tell me when you need me to stop,” his voice is low and smooth.
I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to tell him to stop. I hope he has more control than I do.
His fingers graze my pants where my shirt meets. I squirm in anticipation. Liam pauses and my eyes lock on his. I don’t speak or move, but I grant him the permission he seeks. He knows how to read me, my body, my tiny movements that not many would be able to pick up on. It’s a blessing and a curse.
The pads of his fingers float across my stomach and my breath stops. Lust flurries and builds as his fingertip moves higher. It skims my ribs and he traces the underside of my breast.
“Tell me if it’s too much,” his husky voice gravels in my ear.
“It’s not enough,” the words fall from my lips.
Liam groans and his tongue traces the shell of my ear. My eyes roll back in my head in pure pleasure as he pushes underneath my bra. When his finger grazes my nipple, I nearly buck off the couch.
“You’re so perfect,” he reassures me and rubs back and forth, my nipple pebbling beneath his adept touch.
Needing to touch him, I run my hands under his shirt, pushing it up. Liam uses one hand and rips it off. My fingers delicately press against his skin. I trace the tattoo on his ribs: Dulce bellum inexpertis. I outline the letters and he tenses. “What does that mean?” I ask as he kisses my neck.
He looks up and his blue eyes darken. “It means war is sweet for those who haven’t experienced it.”