“Claire, you don’t need to be perfect all the time. You don’t need to say everything perfectly, look perfect, and be perfect. Life isn’t a test that you must continually pass.” Claire stared silently at her friend, afraid her voice might crack. The energy of the room evaporated. “I just want you to know that Brent and I have known Tony for a long time . . .” Claire swallowed. She heard this speech from everyone who knew her husband and had entitled it the Great Man Speech, usually accompanied by the He works so hard. “And he can be a pompous, condescending, controlling ass.”
Claire’s eyes grew wide and her head dropped. She didn’t cry. She laughed, suddenly and uncontrollably, bordering on hysteria. It wasn’t good for appearances. Apparently, her laughter was contagious because Courtney started laughing too. People looked at them. Fleetingly, Claire didn’t care. After a few moments, she regained enough composure to ask, “Excuse me? What did you just say?”
“Honey, you heard me. And I am pretty sure you know exactly what I said.” Courtney squeezed Claire’s hand again. “Don’t get me wrong, I love your husband. But let me be honest, sometimes I hate him too.” Claire nodded. She completely understood. “It’s all right. But it’s not all right for you to feel alone.” Claire listened. “Your husband loves you. I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. I’ve never seen him look at another woman the way he looks at you. But he has demons, ones I don’t even begin to understand. And he has serious issues with control. He can drive Brent crazy sometimes.”
“Courtney, I think maybe we shouldn’t be having this conversation.” Claire’s uneasiness returned.
“Tony would say we shouldn’t be having this conversation. What do you say?”
Claire didn’t know what to say. Part of her wanted the conversation to end, it made her uncomfortable. The other part of her wanted to talk, open up, and feel connected to someone in this world besides Tony. “I think maybe it would be better not to speak about Tony.”
“All right, Claire, I respect you. I respect you for marrying Tony and for your inability to talk.” Claire tried desperately to maintain her mask. “I have tried my very best to make you comfortable. I want you to feel relaxed with me.”
“I do Courtney. I consider you my friend.”
“Honey, I am your friend. You are my friend. And Tony is a dear friend too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you.”
“Thank you, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”
“Yeah, I recognize fine. And sometimes when you are with us, you are fine. Other times you only seem fine.” Claire didn’t know what to say. “It must be difficult to suddenly be thrust into Tony’s world. He puts a lot of significance on appearances. Well, maybe he hasn’t mentioned that to you.” Courtney started to stand to leave.
Tears started to escape down Claire’s cheeks. Her voice barely an audible whisper, “Courtney, please sit back down.” Courtney did. “If Tony knew we were having this conversation, I wouldn’t be able to have lunch with you again, and perhaps it could affect Brent’s job. I know they’re best friends, but with Tony I’m not sure there are boundaries.” Courtney was at least twenty years Claire’s senior, yet she listened, recognizing the sincerity of the younger woman’s tone.
“So my intuitions aren’t unwarranted.” Claire shook her head no. Courtney spoke softly. “Claire, are you all right?”
“Courtney, I think we need to go back to your SUV. I’m uncomfortable having this conversation and I’m definitely uncomfortable having it in a public place.”
They stood, put on their warm coats, gathered their purses, and walked to Courtney’s SUV. The break in the conversation and fresh cool air gave Claire time to regroup. Alarms sounded in her head. If she chose to continue this discussion she would be breaking rules: number one, do as you’re told. She’d been told on multiple occasions the importance of appearances, not divulging private information. This was her first time out alone as Mrs. Anthony Rawlings. She wanted to be involved with the Red Cross and wanted more freedoms. Breaking rules would not facilitate those goals. They walked to the car in silence.
Sitting in the passenger seat, Claire buckled her seat belt and straightened her posture. She knew what she would say. “Courtney, thank you for your support. You’re right. I’ve been overwhelmed by the responsibility of becoming Tony’s wife. He has been supportive and understanding and is helping me recognize the significance of and the obligations that accompany that title. I’m sure he’ll be happy to know you’re willing to help me too.”
Courtney understood, Claire had just ended the conversation. She didn’t want to push, only to let Claire know she was there. “I am glad you’re feeling better about it. Just know that sometimes women pick up on things men don’t, even very observant men. I hope it’ll help you to know that I’m quite perceptive and I’m here for you whenever you need me.”
Claire thanked her again and asked her a question about the Red Cross.
While driving, Courtney asked if they had special plans for Tony’s birthday this weekend. Claire was taken aback. She didn’t know it was her husband’s birthday. However, he hadn’t known when it was her birthday either.