Answering honestly, she said, “Other times, I don’t like you.” He looked at her with astonishment. She kissed his lips. “Today is definitely a like day.” He smiled and told her he was glad.
While eating lunch Tony asked her about the don’t like days. She thought about playing it off, lying, or telling him she was joking. Then she decided to be truthful. “I love you. I really do. I sometimes feel like the luckiest woman on the planet, but sometimes I feel like a five-year-old.” She waited. Did he understand what she was trying to say? His eyes weren’t darkening, he was listening. “I know you may not think so, but I really don’t have any intention of causing you harm. Why would I? You told me your grandfather trusted the wrong people. Was your grandmother one of them?”
Tony seemed slightly shaken by the mention of his grandfather. “No. Why do you ask?”
“Because I’m going to assume that she loved him, and he loved her. If they didn’t they wouldn’t have married.” Tony nodded. He understood where she was going. “I realize that there are people that may try to hurt you or your business, but I’m not one of them.” She wasn’t sure how she could explain her feelings to him. She looked directly into his eyes. The mention of his grandfather had minutely darkened them. “I don’t have a problem with you being in control of our lives. I trust you. I just wish you trusted me, help me to feel like a wife instead of a child or a possession.”
She’d been happy, but this conversation was making her sad. “I’m sorry. I’m ruining this wonderful day.” She looked down at her lunch, her soup was getting cold. Closing her eyes she heard his chair move. Claire didn’t want him to see the tears that were escaping her lids. She didn’t look up.
Anthony Rawlings gently took his wife’s hand and helped her rise from her chair, then tenderly lifted her chin, seeing her tears. “Claire, it seems to me that you apologize a lot.” She started to say she was sorry, but snickered at herself instead. “See, see that smile you have. You can’t, but I can. It is beautiful, even with your hair a mess, which it is. And your smile doesn’t stop at those perfect lips, it extends to your pink wind-burned cheeks, and most dramatically it extends to your bright emerald green eyes.” He was bending so that his nose was millimeters from hers. “I apologize for not causing that smile to come out more.” Claire could feel her resolve melting as her knees weakened. Thankfully, she was being supported by his strong steady arms. “You are right about so many things. Listening to you talk today about the different trees, snow, a blizzard, animals, and birds, you know so many things that I have never attempted to learn. And you know me better than anyone. I have tried to keep my past that, the past. But you have managed to take bits and pieces that I have offered over the course of a year and weave them together into some psychological basis for your comprehension of me. I must reluctantly admit you are correct.” She wanted to say something, but he kissed her tenderly and continued, “You have not intentionally given me any reason to do anything but trust you. And yet, I know I have not always behaved well. This may come as a shock, but I have issues with control.” She couldn’t help but smile. “There’s that smile.”
Tony led her to the sofa in front of the fire. Wearing a soft bathrobe she sat in front of him and leaned her head on his T-shirt covered chest. They both faced the fire. She could hear his heartbeat and the sound of his breathing. The fire radiated warmth and his skin the aroma of exercise, she felt safe and secure. But at the same time she had the feeling of living in a house of glass. The security could crash into broken pieces at any second. He asked her what she was thinking, she answered. He didn’t respond for a long period, she was apprehensive to turn and see into his eyes. Finally, he spoke again. “Perhaps I am afraid of losing you, afraid that if you truly know me you will not want to stay with me.” She wasn’t sure. But due to his voice and breathing, she wondered if he was having difficulty composing himself. She wanted to alleviate his discomfort, tell him it was okay, he didn’t need to say anything else.
She didn’t turn around. “Tony, I’m pretty sure I know you. I’m also sure I’m still here.”
“Because you haven’t had the opportunity to leave.”
His arms were tenderly wrapped around her. She caressed them gently with her small hands. “No, not because of that, and not because of the gifts or the trips or the money, I’m still here because I made a commitment to you. I did that in Central Park and again in our home, because I love you and want to be with you.”