“Even if he did know, it wouldn’t matter. He’s still hung up on you, and I pity the guy who dates you next, because Holt will probably murder him.”
I lean against the counter and sigh. I doubt what Connor says is true. It seems as though Holt’s becoming more indifferent to me every day.
Connor chuckles and I look up to see him staring at me. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t ‘nothing’ me, what is it?”
He shrugs. “I was just thinking that I should flat-out kiss you one day in front of Ethan just to see if his head would explode with rage. I suspect it would.”
I smile and shake my head. “Yeah, let’s not do that.”
He puts his beer down and places his hands either side of me on the counter. He’s not as tall as Ethan, but I still have to look up to see his face.
“You’re right. Even with my karate training, I’d run the risk of him landing a lucky punch. A better idea would be for you to kiss me. He’d never hit a girl. Especially not you.”
He stares at me in a way that says, I’m joking, but not really. Kiss me.
I’m spared the humiliation of turning him down when Jack comes back in to retrieve more beer.
“If you two are going to make out in here, just know there is no fucking on the kitchen counter. I don’t want my meat going anywhere near where your meat has been, if you know what I mean.”
Connor grabs the chips and salsa, and mutters, “I’ll take these in to the guys,” before exiting to the living room.
I feel myself blush, and hate it.
Jack shakes his head as he takes the caps off four more beers. “Goddamn, Taylor. You’re not content to have Holt completely tied in knots? You have to bewitch poor old Connor, too? The boy has it bad.”
I scrunch up the empty Doritos bag and throw it into the trash. “I’m not bewitching anyone, Jack. Connor sees me as a friend. That’s all.”
He lets out a short laugh. “Okay. Sure, he does. And I watch porn for the plotlines.”
I know he has a point, but thinking about it makes me tense. Since the breakup, Connor’s become one of my closest friends, and I love him like I love Ruby. But every now and then, he stares at me in a way that reminds me he wants more.
Ethan, on the other hand, stares at me less often these days.
I’m ashamed to say I miss it.
“Okay, stop there.”
Ethan drops his head and steps away from Connor. They’ve been working on this part of the scene for the past forty-five minutes, and it’s not getting any better. Both of them are faking the emotion.
They’re both frustrated, and so is Erika.
“This is a lesson for everyone here,” she says as she stands and walks onto the stage. “There will be times when you have to perform scenes with people who hold no attraction for you, but you still need to find a way to make it work. If you share a natural chemistry, that’s great, but if not, you need to train yourself to manufacture it.”
“Easier said than done,” Holt mutters.
Erika ignores him. “This sort of scene is particularly difficult for men, because there’s a heterosexual indoctrination that implies being gay means you’re not a real man, and let me tell you, that’s absolutely not the case. This story is about homosexual men who put their lives on the line for their country. And it’s written by a man who lived it.”
She turns to Holt and Connor. “So, you two need to get past whatever macho bullshit is holding you back from being intimate with each other, and understand that sometimes, you can’t choose which body your soul mate resides in. Love is love. Passion is passion. And people who are lucky enough to feel it should grab it with both hands. That’s what this play is about.”
Holt slumps onto one leg and rubs the back of his neck. He seems completely at a loss as to how to make it work. Connor’s much the same.
Erika calls them over. “Might I suggest you both take a moment to close your eyes and recall a person with whom you’ve shared a strong emotional or sexual connection? Picture that person in your mind. Let the way they made you feel invade your body, stir your emotions, boil your blood.” Both men close their eyes and breathe. Their postures relax a little. “Do you feel that?”
They nod.
“Stay in that moment. Let the sense memory of that connection infuse you.”
I feel a hand on my shoulder, and turn to see Jack leaning forward. He whispers, “How weird would it be if they were both thinking about you? Like, seriously?”
He smiles and sits back, and I try to squash the rush of flutters in my stomach.
Yeah, that’d be too weird.
Erika preps the boys for a few more minutes, then gets them to start the scene again.
Ethan closes his eyes and breathes, and when he opens them, his whole demeanor has changed. His expression softens. His voice lowers. As he speaks, he slowly moves closer to Connor.
“You want me, Ty. You can deny it all you like. Doesn’t make it not true.” He’s calm. Self-assured.
Connor counters his calm with barely suppressed panic. “I do deny it.”