I lie on my stomach, facing away from him and I feel Zeus hop onto the bed.
“We really need to talk,” Cole says. He sits on the bed and places his hand on my lower back. His warm, tender touch makes it hard for me to breathe. I don’t want to hold a grudge against the only person who protects me, cares for me, bathes me, and maybe—just maybe—stays with me too.
“Please, just please give me some time,” I say.
What I don’t tell him is that I’m fighting a major battle within myself over him. It’s a hopeless war, but it rages on, giving me a headache. To trust or not to trust?
Zeus pushes himself between us and Cole removes his hand, beaten. I feel the fireworks on my back where his hand once laid.
“All right, but we need to talk tomorrow,” he says in a serious tone.
“So, are we okay for now?” I plead. My entire being feels suspended.
He lies down beside Zeus and reaches his arm over to touch me. “The last thing I want is for you to be afraid of me. But I want you to trust me. I need you to trust me.” He sighs and I hear the pain and confusion in his voice.
“Why?”
“I don’t know why and it scares the hell out of me.” He swallows hard and then scratches the back of his head while biting his lower lip.
Part of me screams for him to run for his own safety, yet I don’t want him to move. My heart begs… Please stay with me. Forever.
“I hate when you leave, and that scares me too.” I face him and our eyes meet. I see the conflict between his duty and his feelings mirrored in his face. His dark eyes glitter in the light. The hand with the bloody knuckles rubs my shoulder, my arm, and then he touches my chin.
I want more. So much more.
Zeus yawns and rolls toward me, placing his paws in Cole’s face and ruining the moment.
“Come on, Zeus!” he yells with aggravation as Zeus’s paws scratch him.
I laugh freely, breaking the tension, but Zeus doesn’t budge.
“I guess that’s how it’s going to be then,” Cole says with sarcasm as he flips off the light.
“I hate leaving you,” he says into the darkness. “And that petrifies me.”
CHAPTER 11
Waking to the sound of gunshots doesn’t faze me anymore. Not a second goes by that I’m not reminded of where I am, who I am, and what I’m not.
Heavy clouds, pregnant with water, drip, drip, drip down the windowsill. Zeus lies on the floor. I guess he was too hot on the bed overnight. Cole wraps around me with his warm breath hitting the back of my neck every time he exhales. We’re so close, but at the same time, not close enough. While he’s pressed against me, I trace the outline of his arm with my fingertips. His skin feels warm, smooth, and firm. A sigh escapes his lips. I wiggle around some, and eventually he stirs, releasing his grip. He grumbles something like an apology and rolls over. Dang.
I shake him. “Hey, as much as I hate to wake you up. You better get your butt in gear or you’ll be late for roll call.” I take the opportunity to touch his hair and run my fingers down his faded haircut.
He moans. “I’ll never get up if you keep doing that.”
Oops. I pull my hand back, afraid I shouldn’t have touched him. Zeus starts howling at a light knock on the door and jumps onto the bed.
“Dang it, Zeus!” Cole says in a grumpy voice. He leaps out of bed, disoriented. “Bruno must be here. Crap! I’m late.” He runs to the door in his sweatpants and opens it, expecting to see Bruno.
Sutton stands there with water droplets running down his overcoat.
“Hey, is something wrong?” Cole asks while rubbing his eyes in confusion.
“No. I’m here to check on her, remember?” Sutton’s brows pull down, inspecting Cole’s appearance. “Are you going to let me in or do I have to stand here forever?”
Cole opens the door wider. “Yeah, sure, come in. I was expecting Bruno, that’s all.”
Sutton’s eyes scan the room critically over the rim of his fogged glasses. “Looks like she’s cleaned up the place.”
“Uh, yeah… She got bored being cooped up all day. Can’t say I blame her really.” Cole doesn’t know how to act. He moves his hands to his hips, leans against the wall, and then crosses them.
“Well, your room did look like it threw up.”
“You’re right. It was pretty bad, but I blame Zeus for that.”
If Sutton notices anything unusual, he ignores it. He carries a black leather bag that clinks as he walks. His face turns into a frown when he looks my way. “What part of ‘I want you to rest’ did you not understand?” He smooths his rumpled appearance, takes off his glasses, wipes them with his shirt, and places them back on the ridge of his nose.
I make Zeus jump off the bed as Sutton sits down. I swear he knows two bodies were lying here by the shapes we left behind, so I distract him.
“I know what you’re going to say… but laying around was driving me mad. I had to do something—”