The door slams open. I jump back and Zeus sprints inside. I laugh as he jumps up to give me kisses.
“Good Lord, Zeus! Get down, silly dog!” I crumple under his weight and reach out for the wall to steady myself. He lathers me with affection. Soon, Cole arrives behind him.
“How was your day?” I ask, coming out of the bathroom.
“Same old. Same old,” he answers as he stops in my room and stares at my new landscapes. “I see you’ve been busy.” He walks through the open doorway and rubs the back of his neck.
“Well, I got a little bored and decided to finish the room.”
His fingers reach out to touch Alyssa’s face. “It’s beautiful. She looks happy.”
“That’s because she’s free. That would make me pretty stoked.”
He grasps at the high collar of his uniform and pulls it open as he turns to face me. “Up for some dinner?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
He pulls off the top layer of his uniform. A simple white T-shirt clings to him underneath. “Let me change first. This freaking uniform is killing me.” He walks into his room and begins to change without closing the door.
Okay, I can handle this. Then he drops his shirt. Then again, maybe not.
“So where did Bruno go?” I keep my head down but watch him through my lashes. It’s impossible to rip them away from his form.
“He went home for the night. Don’t you worry. He’ll be back tomorrow,” he says while turning to face me.
“Oh, okay. I wasn’t sure. Will he be the only one who guards my door while you’re gone?”
“Yeah, he’s the only one I’d want here. Thank God Sutton has good contacts to get him in. Why do you care?” His shirt and pants are off, and I see his muscular legs as he stands in his white underwear.
I turn my head so I don’t look like I’m gawking. I’m completely gawking though. “I was just curious. Geez, cut me some slack, will you?” I say with force.
He pulls on light-gray sweatpants but stays shirtless.
He’s killing me.
“Okay, okay… I’ll let it go.” He puts his hands up in defeat, then enters my room looking delicious.
“I appreciate that. Thank you.” I close my eyes and sigh with relief.
The sudden warmth of his skin against mine catches me off guard as he pulls me into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry… You have every right to know who’s watching your back. I’m just so—so torn I can’t think straight. I can’t seem to pull my head out of the clouds.” He rests his chin on my head.
The sudden display of affection sends my heart fluttering and I feel conflicted. I long to stand like this forever and that scares me. I unwrap his arms and push him back, shoving down my desire for him. He puts his head in his hands, instantly apologetic. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He tears his hands from his head and leans forward, pleading to me with his whole body. “I’m so frustrated right now and don’t know what the hell to do. I want you to tell me. I want you to open up to me. I want to know what happened to you—from before you got here until now. I wish you’d just trust me with all of that.”
I meet his eyes, willing myself to be honest with him even though it makes me feel vulnerable. “I really want to trust you, I do. But there’re times I feel like you’re lying to me and I just don’t know if I can.”
“I could say the same for you. This entire time you never said a word about your innocence. Nothing. Don’t you think that’s a bit hypocritical?”
I fiddle with my hands as they shake. My nerves can’t handle the stress of arguing with him. “I can’t,” I say. Unable to meet his gaze, I stare at the bag on the floor.
“I don’t understand. After all we’ve been through, how many times I risked my life to save yours… you still can’t trust me. Why? What did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but I just can’t talk about it.” A tear falls off my chin. “I’m begging you, please let it go.”
He’s steel and I’m liquid. He turns away, retreating to his room, and I hear things slamming around. Zeus comes to my side and nudges my hand while whining. I slide down the wall, everything aching, and bow my head, defeated.
Can anything ever go right? I’m so tired of being weak. I’m sick of being a victim. Damn it, I don’t have to tell him anything. He’s a guard for goodness sake, not family, not even my boss. The words keep going through my head, but I know they’re excuses for how I really feel.
I push my back against the wall and walk myself up. I slide into his room and flop on his bed. I don’t care where he sleeps… but I do.
He sees me as he munches on something like crackers for dinner. He didn’t even bother cooking whatever he brought back.