“I was finishing up with a patient, sorry. I’ll pay closer attention to the time from now on,” I say. His expression changes and he releases his grip.
The truth is that time doesn’t matter to me when it comes to Alyssa. That girl has changed me in so many ways. Who ever knew a thirteen-year-old could teach me so many things? She’s the only one who’s accepted me for who I am. It’s something I’ve never had, and I’m not willing to let go, but I have to change my approach if I have any chance of getting him to agree to my plan.
“I need to talk to you about something important but not here, okay?” I ask.
“And you’re telling me now… because?”
“I’m not sure really.” His face remains stubborn, but he nods, giving me permission. I think.
After we arrive at our quarters, tension hangs in the air. This isn’t how I wanted things to start. He changes his uniform, grabs a bottle of water, and stands stiffly in the doorway to my room. Zeus lies beside me as I sit on my mattress, fearful of setting Cole off.
“So what’s your deal?” he asks in between gulps from his bottle.
“I need a huge favor. Just hear me out before you answer, and just so you know, I already asked Sutton and he gave me permission.”
He folds his arms across his chest and takes a deep breath. “Go on…”
I tell him about Alyssa, her sickness, and what she wants the most before the inevitable. His head shakes “No” before I finish.
“No way. You’re not staying there!” He squeezes the bottle so tight that it crumples in his fist. “We are not having this discussion. It’s completely out of the question. Anything could happen if I’m not there. I won’t—”
I stand and close the distance between us. “I don’t mean tonight! Please, put yourself in her shoes, even if it’s just for a second. She’s all alone in that God-awful place and she’s petrified of dying. This is about her, not me. It’s a gift we can give her. Damn it. She’s only thirteen,” I plead.
He shakes his head. “Any other guard would’ve beat or raped you by now, and you just keep pushing me when I’m trying to do the right thing.” His face turns a purplish red, and a vein in his neck bulges. “It’s bad enough that you’re on the radar with my superiors. And you expect me to leave you there? You’ve lost your damn mind.”
“Believe me, I’m thankful I have you, but you have to understand… I promised her. I promised her she wouldn’t die alone. I know you don’t understand, and I don’t expect you to, but I don’t break promises. Ever. Look, if leaving me is the issue, then stay with us. There are cots we can bring into her room and you can sleep behind the curtain with Zeus and keep watch. That way I can be with her in case she needs me.”
He’s still shaking his head with his jaw clenched. I know he’s right. I’m asking a lot of him, especially with the tension so high between us.
“How much time does she have?” he asks.
“Any day now, or next week.”
He closes his eyes for what seems like an eternity.
“Please—” I start to say.
“I’ll think about it, all right!” He exhales. “You have no idea what you’re asking of me.” Then his face softens. “You must really care about her.”
I don’t know what overcomes me—joy, I suppose. I step into him and wrap my arms around his waist. He stands motionless, but his heartbeat thumps in my ear, moving faster and faster.
“I really do. She’s like a sister I’ve never had,” I say.
He squeezes my shoulders for an instant and then pushes me away, carefully avoiding eye contact. I step back and exhale with relief. He’ll allow me this favor because deep down there’s a side of him that’s decent and kind.
The rest of the evening remains quiet. Cole keeps to himself after our conversation, almost like he needs time to digest it all. I watch him pack his bag: four shirts, four pants, four pairs of boxer briefs and his shaving kit. I feel all giddy inside, although his solemn expression forces me to withhold my triumphant emotions. I think I touched a nerve.
He manages to say good night before he closes his door. And I begin to realize for the first time how much security Zeus brings me when he lies down beside me. I find it therapeutic to rub his head and receive his warmth in return. His presence seems to scare away my nightmares and I sleep in peace.
*
We drive through the checkpoint at the training center, and this time I keep my mouth glued shut. Our walk through the garage is uneventful. I perspire from the stress and twirl one of my locks nervously as we enter the hospital. The whooshing of the doors blows my hair back. His steps echo in the hallway and he looks engrossed while pressing the eighth floor button. It’s now or never. I take a deep breath and ask him for one more favor.
“I’m scared to ask you—”
“No more favors.” He spins around and the angry gleam in his eyes melts into agony.
“It’s not for me. It’s for her.”
His lips turn thin and he folds his arms over. “I’m already risking too much.”