Born to Ride_A Clubhouse Collection

chapter 18

Is there a word for being emptier than empty? That’s what I am.



Chapter 19

I kiss Lola and hug her goodbye. “Love you, sweet girl.”

“Lub you, momma.” She squeezes her chubby arms around my neck as tight as she can, before releasing me and running off to play with her friends.

I sigh. She’s growing up way too quickly. She’s two going on twenty!

More times than I care to admit, I have wanted to drive back to Alabama and into Roam’s arms. I have imagined him telling me it was all a big misunderstanding, that he loves me and would never hurt me. But, it’s all just wishful thinking.

I’ve also played the look in Christa’s eyes over and over in my mind. Most days I think it was triumph mixed with relief, but I know how stupid that sounds. So, I have convinced myself that it is just my deluded mind making the look up so it doesn’t hurt so badly and so don’t I don’t focus on it all the time. I’m seriously f*cked up, I know. You don’t have to tell me.

I pull my car into the drive of our home. The home I bought for us a few weeks after we moved here. It’s a nice cottage style home. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms. It’s big enough for us and Lola’s happy because she has a large toy room and an even larger yard to play in.

I unlock the door and go inside. I need to get a lot of work done today and I don’t have many hours to do it. Six months after we moved here, I started getting itchy feet. I wanted to leave again, but I made myself stay. Lola needs strong roots and a stable home, and that is what I will give her.

I’ve always liked crafting, so I decided to set up my own business selling handmade cards and gifts. I listed them on an online market place and sales have grown steadily ever since. I put Lola in daycare one day a week about the same time I started my business. She needed to interact with other children and she’s come along in leaps and bounds since then.

I pull out my laptop and check my emails. I reply to the ones that require attention and mark the rest as to read. Then I send out the bunch of invoices that needed to be sent yesterday and pay some bills. Once that’s finished, I take out my craft supplies and begin filling orders. My mind clears and a sense of peace overtakes my body. I know it won’t last long though. It never does.


That night after I bathe my daughter and feed her vegetables for supper, I tuck her into bed and read her the bedtime story that I made when she was ten weeks old.

“Once upon a time...” When the story ends, I kiss her forehead, tell her I love her and turn out the light.

I take my phone and dial Jenn. I shove a sucker in my mouth and wait for her to answer. I’m nervous. I haven’t talked to her since the night I hung up on her. The next day, I bought a new phone and I haven’t contacted her since. But, I miss her. She’s my best friend, and I miss her.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jenn, it’s Lacey.”

“Sweet Jesus,” she whispers. “Lacey!” She begins to sob, and I do the same.

“I’m sorry, Jenn.”

“I know, so am I. I’m so sorry, Lace.”

“How have you been?” I ask

“Good. Same shit, different day,” she laughs. “What about you? How you doing? How’s Lola?”

“Good. Busy, but good. I started a business from home and it keeps me occupied.”

“That’s awesome, Lace! I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks. It’s doing better than I ever expected.”

We chat for a while longer, catching up on the last two years. I fill her in about Lola, and how quickly she’s growing up. She tells me things are going good with her and Switch.

“I miss you, Lace, and I miss Lola.”

“I know, and I miss you too. So does Lola. I’ll send some pictures and video’s soon, okay?”

“Love you, Lace.”

“Love you, too.” I press end and sigh deeply, thankful that she didn’t mention Roam.

I miss him. I miss him so bad it hurts. My chest aches when I think of him. But I can’t let myself be that girl – the girl that just forgives someone for betraying her, just because she loves him.

ROAM

I throw the empty bottle of tequila across the room. My hazy eyes focus on the scantily clad bitch who is grinding her ass on my lap. My stomach rolls and I push her off me. “F*ck off,” I slur.

“Aw, come on, baby. I can make it all better,” she coos. “I can make all your pain go away.”

F*ck it’s tempting. I want to forget. I want to forget so f*cking badly.

She takes my hand and starts leading me to a private room. I stumble along the way, crashing into the wall a few times. She opens a door and we walk through, then she closes and locks it behind us. Her hands start at the base of my stomach and travel upwards until they reach my shoulders. She gives a shove and I fall backwards onto a padded chair. She falls to her knees and makes short work of exposing my cock. My dead-ass, floppy as f*ck, cock. She leans down and sucks the head into her mouth.

Lacey, my mind taunts.

F*ck off! I mentally hurl back.

Lacey.

My stomach rolls again and I push the girl off me. She lands on her ass with a thud. “What the f*ck?” She screams.

“Just f*ck off. Just f*ck right off,” I roar at her.

She scrambles backwards, crab-like, across the room until she reaches the door, then she tears out of the room as fast as she can.

I tuck my cock away and then put my head in my hands. F*ck it hurts. I miss them. I miss them so much it hurts.

***

I roll out of bed and groan. My head is pounding. “Christ!” I groan. I stumble towards the shower and turn the spray on. I don’t even wait for the water to heat up before I step in. The cold blast takes my breath away at first, then it begins to warm up and I wash my body. I close my eyes and instantly Lacey’s face fills my mind. My cock immediately springs to life and becomes rock hard in a matter of seconds.

I let the spray run down my back as my head drops and I steady myself with one arm against the glass shower screen. Using my free hand, I wrap my palm around the base of my cock and stroke upwards. My balls tighten and my ass cheeks clench together. I imagine Lacey, laying on my bike, legs wide open, sweet, wet p-ssy on display for me. I stroke hard and faster. I pause for a second to massage my balls and then I grip my cock and tight as I can stand, and begin to furiously pump my hand up and down as the image of Lacey, naked, assaults my brain.

My spine tingles and a grunt escapes from deep in my throat. My cock throbs and then I spurt hot come over my hand and down the shower wall. I pant, trying to regain my breathing.

It takes the edge off, but it’s not near enough. Nothing but Lacey will ever be enough.

“You got anything for me, Louie?” I slide onto the stool next to him and sip my bottle of water.

“No, brother. Sorry.” Louie was patched in as a member about eight months ago. He proved himself during his time as a Prospect, and he has proved himself ever since. Currently, I have him trying to find leads on Lacey.

“There’s got to be something, man. She can’t have just fallen off the face of the Earth.”

“I did find something.”

“What?” I bark.

“Veronica had a little altercation with Christa last night.”

After Christa had ripped my life apart, she went underground. No one has seen or heard from her since.

“She’s back?”

“Yeah, brother, and it ain’t good. Veronica had a hunch, so she acted on it and turns out she was right. Christa admitted to being behind the attacks on Lacey.”

“What the f*ck?” I mouth.

He nods. “Crazy assed f*cking bitch. Veronica saw red and acted on it. Christa’s gone underground, again. Axe was pissed because it ain’t Veronica’s place to step in.”

Axe is Veronica’s husband and another brother of mine.

“That bitch is f*ckin’ whacked. Man, I never even thought it would be her.”

“Prez wants church in an hour. I think he wants to talk about it more then. I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Yeah, thanks brother.”

Louie leaves and my mind spins. Christa? Christa was behind everything. I want to kill her. My fists clench on the counter and my teeth grind together so forcefully, they may snap off.

I stand abruptly and the stool goes flying backwards, toppling over and making a loud crash. I don’t give a f*ck. I look in the bathroom mirror at my reflection and then I slam my fist over and over into the glass. I ignore the pain and the blood. I just keep hitting until the mirror is nothing but tiny shards of glass scattered over the floor.

I take a deep breath, wash my hand off and walk out the workshop, where I spend the next hour building a bike for some hot shot Hollywood movie star.