“Maybe. What’s it to you?”
“Are you, like, trying to rebel against your parents or something?”
“No. And anyway, I’m an adult. I can do what I want.”
Cadence nodded, unconvinced. She wondered if Gracie’s promiscuity didn’t have more to do with a lack of self-respect than with being an adult. She wasn’t an adult. Hell, neither was Cadence. They were both in this weird, in-between stage where they were stumbling through the process of growing. No longer children but not really full-fledged adults either.
“They didn’t force you?” Cadence asked.
Gracie sighed heavily. “Leave it alone.”
“I just . . . I just don’t understand this new person,” Cadence said quietly.
“How would you? We’re not friends. You’ve no idea what’s been going on in my life for the past year.”
“You wouldn’t let me,” Cadence said.
Gracie waved her hand dismissively. “And anyway, I don’t understand you either. You’ve changed. Why can’t I? You make it like you’re the only one in the world who can be a different version of yourself.”
“I don’t think that. And I didn’t choose some of the stuff that happened to me, Gracie.”
“Oh really? Because I’m pretty sure if you do drugs, you chose that.”
“I don’t do drugs.”
“You did.”
“One time. And I regret it. But I didn’t choose to be struck by my father after you ratted me out.”
Gracie averted her eyes. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” she whispered.
“Really? Because I think you were just trying to pay me back,” Cadence countered.
Gracie looked flustered. “You know what? I don’t have to discuss this with you. It’s in the past. It happened. I thought I was doing the right thing. And that’s that.”
“Is it?”
“Yes!”
“If those boys hurt you, you need to report it,” Cadence said.
“We’re back to this?” Gracie cried. “They didn’t! I wanted to fuck them, okay?!”
A few heads turned in their direction.
“And I don’t need you to judge me for it!”
“That’s rich coming from you,” Cadence said.
Gracie shot her a nasty look.
“Come on, Gracie! You judged the hell out of me all senior year for being immoral. Can’t you, at least, try to see the irony in this?”
“Fuck you.”
“I rest my case.”
“Leave it alone, and leave me alone!”
“All right. I’m just saying that I woke up with a bad feeling,” Cadence explained.
“Well, that’s your problem!” Gracie barked. She gathered her books and stormed off.
Cadence took a seat on the bench Gracie just vacated and reflected on her ex-best friend’s words: “That’s your problem.” Perhaps. Perhaps it was her problem. Didn’t erase the aching in her chest when she woke up in the morning. Something was wrong. Call it feminine intuition, divine understanding, whatever. Something was off. And that something had to do with Gracie.
Of course, Cadence also had to consider the possibility that she’d let one too many Lifetime movies shape her picture of frat parties. After all, people could have orgies and it not be rape. But what happens when the girl is trashed out of her mind and the boys aren’t? Don’t the boys have the unfair advantage? And if so, doesn’t that change the picture?
“OMG. Hello?” an exasperated voice said.
Cadence snapped her head up and shielded her eyes against the sun.
“You were supposed to meet me at the union,” Avery huffed.
“Oh, that’s right. Sorry.”
“And, was I hallucinating or did I just see you talking with Gracie?”
“I was talking with Gracie,” Cadence replied. She gathered her bags and walked with Avery towards Bleecker Hall.
“Um, why?”
“I just needed to clear something up with her,” Cadence said.
“Like why she’s such a fucking bitch?”
Cadence cracked a smile. “Something like that.”
“Are you trying to be friends with her again?” Avery asked. Her tone suggested mild alarm.
“Seriously, Avery?”
“Well, how the hell should I know? It looked like a long conversation.”
“Were you watching us the whole time?”
“So what if I was?”
Cadence’s grin turned into a full-set-of-teeth-showing smile. “You were jealous!”
“Get over yourself,” Avery said dismissively.
“You were totally jealous,” Cadence replied, nudging her friend.
“Oh my God. Whatever.”
“You want me all to yourself, and you were afraid I was trying to work things out with Gracie because you’re a jealous jellybean and—”
“What the fuck is a jealous jellybean?” Avery asked, laughing. “Cadence, you’re such a weirdo.”
Cadence giggled.
“I can’t imagine you’d try to work anything out with her after what she did to you,” Avery said, opening the door for her friend.
They grabbed sandwiches and found an empty table near a window overlooking the outdoor amphitheater.
Cadence shoved a straw in her Coke. “I have to forgive her at some point.”
“What?”