“Do you think you can be a Christian and live with your boyfriend?”
“I am and I am,” Cadence replied. Oliver grinned.
“Then what do you care?”
Cadence raised her eyebrows. What did she care? Oh, yeah. The stigma. That motherfucking stigma.
“It’s not acceptable in the church,” she said.
“Fuck the church. I keep hearing how Christianity is supposed to be all about your relationship with God. How many times have we heard that? ‘I don’t have religion. I have a relationship’.”
Cadence smiled.
“And then those same assholes pass judgment because you’re doing something they don’t like. Doesn’t matter if God said it was okay. They’ll argue that you can’t possibly be right. You’re misinterpreting him. You didn’t hear him right.” He scowled. “It’s complete bullshit.”
“I’m sensing you have some issues with the church,” Cadence teased.
Oliver chuckled. “Don’t you ever feel like you’re in these invisible chains? You’re raised to believe a certain thing, and no matter how hard you try to form your own understanding of God and the world, you can’t ever truly escape that framework you were given.”
“You’ve thought a lot about this, huh?”
“Ever since Charlie died, yeah. I wanna get my shit together, but I wanna be happy with my choices. I need Mom and Dad’s voices to quit yammering in the background. Telling me I’m wrong.”
Cadence nodded.
“I don’t know how to do it,” Oliver said softly.
“Do what?”
“Be a Christian.”
Cadence rested her head on Oliver’s shoulder. “It’s a work in progress, bro.”
“Is it?”
“For the rest of your life.”
“Is it worth it?”
Cadence thought long and hard about that question. Is it worth it? Yes. She thought it was. And she was able to pinpoint it.
“Yes.”
“How so?” Oliver asked. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head.
“Because no one will ever love you like God does.”
“I’m not feeling the love right now,” Oliver said.
Cadence laughed. “Yeah, well, that happens.”
“Dad asked you to come to dinner,” Oliver said suddenly.
Cadence shot up in her seat and stared at her brother. “What?”
“He asked you to come to dinner tomorrow night. He wants to talk to you.”
The suspicion exploded in her heart. “Why? And why can’t he come to see me?”
“He won’t go to Mark’s.”
“It’s our apartment. Not just Mark’s,” she clarified.
“Well, he won’t go to your apartment.”
“If he has something to say to me, he can come to me.”
“Look Cay, I’m just the messenger. I don’t know what Dad wants. All I know is that he asked you to come to dinner.”
Cadence thought absurdly that her father had plans to kidnap her and keep her from Mark forever. She thought about Rapunzel—being locked away in her room forever—never seeing the outside world again. She didn’t want her hair to grow that long, and she blurted it out loud.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Oliver asked.
“Oh my God, I don’t know! He’s not gonna kidnap me, Ollie!” She grabbed the front of his shirt as she spoke.
“Calm. Down. Jeez.” Oliver peeled her hands away and eyed her curiously. “No one’s gonna kidnap you, and I’ll be there anyway. I’ll seriously kill Dad if he does anything.”
“So you want me to go?” she asked. The fear permeated every word.
“Well, I think you should go and hear him out. Maybe he wants to apologize, which would be completely insane and out of character for him, but who knows? People can change.”
“He punched me in the eye.”
“I know. And maybe he feels really guilty about it.”
Cadence snorted. “Only took him eleven months.”
Oliver laughed. “Look, I think Dad’s an asshole, okay? And I don’t trust him. But I’m just saying, if I were in your position, I’d go. Mostly out of curiosity. But you never know. And anyway, I’ll be there. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He paused for a moment and screwed up his face in confusion. “Or your hair.”
She giggled. “I was just thinking about Rapunzel and . . . just never mind.”
“Okay, whatever. Think about the dinner. I’ll be there.”
“You said that already.”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure you believe it.”
“I believe it.”
“Okay. Good.” Oliver drew in his breath and let it out slowly.
“Aside from this most recent breakdown, how are you doing?” Cadence asked.
He chuckled. “Fine.”
“It’ll be like that for a while, you know,” Cadence explained. “You’ll have a couple of really good days, and then you’ll just break down all over again like the accident happened yesterday.”
“How do you know this?”
“Because that’s what I’m still going through with Mom and Dad. Sometimes I go weeks without feeling any kind of pain. And then it comes right back—fills up my heart like the whole incident happened yesterday. And I cry like a baby.”
“Is that my fault? Should I have not even told you about the dinner?”
“No no! I’m glad you did. And you’re right. I should go. If only for some closure. God, I hate that word.”
“Dumb word,” Oliver agreed.