I GLANCED up at a knock on my door and found my aunt standing in the doorway. A tray was perched in her hand with a box of tissues and two pints of ice cream. “Sophia mentioned you were upset when you got home," she explained. On the ride home from Cora's, all I did was think about Keegan's offer. My brain yearned for me to let take that leap but my heart kept grabbing my hand before I made the jump.
"That runt is worse than high school gossip girl," I mumbled, falling slack against my pillow.
She let out a light laugh. "I'm convinced she gets that from her father. You mind if I come in? I come bearing ice cream," she smiled, holding one pint up in the air.
I moved over, giving her room to sit down on the side of my bed. "You know I'm here to talk if you ever want to," she began, handing over a tissue. My crying had tamed down lately, but I think realizing my feelings towards Keegan and realizing I was ready to move on was bringing them back. They weren’t necessarily tears of sadness but they weren’t tears of joy, either. "In confidence," she added. "I won't go break our trust by telling your parents what you shared with me," she paused, opening up the ice cream. "Unless you're pregnant or it's a health issue, then unfortunately, I'm obligated to." Health issue? Dear god, please tell me she wasn't talking about me getting an STD.
Rocky Road and a spoon came my way. "I know you did some therapy back home but haven't gotten into anything here. I would be more than happy to find you something and take you if you would like a professional to talk to instead. When you let your problems build up, they fester and then you end up exploding in the end."
"Have you ever felt something for someone that you know you shouldn't?" I asked, looking up at her.
"Keegan?"
My head moved up and down in confirmation.
"And why shouldn't you have feelings for him?" She challenged, pointing her spoon over at me.
"Tanner," I whispered.
“I see,” she replied, “but Tanner is gone.”
"I just don't understand how I can have feelings for him when my heart is supposed to be with Tanner."
"You are going to have to move on with your life," she told me firmly, no bullshit. "He's gone and would want you to live your life and be happy."
"It's only been seven months. It's terrible I am even having feelings for Keegan.”
She grabbed my hand, clasping it in hers. “There is no determined time for someone to mourn. You do it on your own time and at your own pace; whether that is days, months or years. Did your dad every tell you why I moved away from home?”
“No,” I blinked. “I just thought you got a job here so you moved.”
She tucked her hair behind her ears, inhaling a breath. “I did get an internship here but that’s not the ultimate reason I wanted to get out of Indiana. I had a situation similar to yours happen to me. I dated a guy all throughout college. One night, at the end of our senior year finals, there was a party being thrown at one of the frats on campus. He asked me to go with him but I had to study. I assured him to go ahead without me and have fun with his friends. At the end of the night, he decided he wanted to drive over and spend the rest of the night with me. He got into his car drunk and hit another car head on, killing a family on their way to vacation along with himself.” My face fell soft, peering over at her and noticing the glistening around her eyelashes.
“I’m sorry,” I said, stunned this was the first time I was hearing about this.
“I understand our situations aren’t exactly the same because Tanner had no choice in his death but I think your parents realized what worked for me and decided to give it a try. They were so worried about you and were afraid you would try to harm yourself like your friend. I ended up moving here and interning for a company that Tommy's sister owned."
She smiled. "I was bringing her coffee one morning and smashed into him leaving a trail of coffee all over his white shirt. I was so humiliated and apologized profusely. I promised to buy him a new shirt but he just laughed off the entire situation, telling me the only way he would allow me to make it up to him was to have dinner with him that night. One dinner turned into two dinners then I found myself wanting to spend all of my time with him. Allowing Tommy to come into my life made me realize I needed to create a life without Christopher now that he was gone."