"What? It would be nice to talk to you about boys now that you're not banging my brother because you know I couldn't hear about that before. I mean, we shared a womb."
I frowned at her aloofness. "I'm not ready to start dating yet.” Eventually, I knew the day was going to come. I wasn’t that damn na?ve, but I needed it to be the right time and the right person. Sure, I did feel comfortable about Keegan and he never did bring up the night I shared my secrets with him, but I couldn’t see him doing the monogamous thing.
“I have something for you,” she said, grabbing my hand.
I followed her into my living room, our six-foot artificial tree brightly lit in front of the trio of windows at the front of the room. A large, silver star was perched at the top, reflecting the sunlight from the windows, and matching the ornaments hanging on the thick, green branches. Grabbing a match from the table, I threw it in the fireplace loaded with wood and watched the flames come to life.
Tessa left the room, returning with an old, beat up shoebox. "We cleaned out Tanner's room last week and found this," she informed me, holding the box out to me. "I didn't know whether you wanted to keep them or toss it” I grabbed the box carefully from her hands and squatted down on the floor in front of the fireplace. I gasped when I opened up the cardboard lid. The box was filled with notes and I immediately recognized the handwriting on them as mine.
I hadn't known Tanner kept all of these. "Did you read them?" I asked.
"Uh no," she answered,. "Who knows what kind of freaky stuff you two were talking about in those things.”
"We were in middle school!"
"You never know. We also found a box of condoms, do you want those too?" She asked, sitting down beside me.
"Tell me your parents didn't see them."
"Yeah, my mom was shocked. She was somehow convinced the two of you weren't doing the deed and I think my dad was happy his son didn't die a virgin."
"Tessa!" I cried out, smacking her arm.
"What? I am beginning to practice celebrating the life of my brother, not just mourning his death."
"Therapy?"
She nodded.
"Damn, does she provide you happy pills or something?"
"Something like that." Her phone beeped and she glanced at it. "That's Dawson, he's here to pick me up." We brought ourselves up from the carpet and she turned to face me. "You promise to keep answering my phone calls?"
I nodded in confirmation. "I promise. Tell Dawson I'm sorry."
"I know you are." I jumped at the deep voice, whipping around to see Dawson standing in the entryway. "You know I can’t be mad at you for long," he elaborated, coming our way.
"I was a bitch to you," I blurted out.
"Yeah and I was an asshole to you at the hospital. Truce?" He held out his arms wide and I stepped forward to give him a hug.
"Truce," I whispered into his chest and he gave my shoulders a squeeze.
I waved goodbye to them as they walked out the door and clutched the box in my arms. I went to my bedroom and tipped it upside down, watching the paper float down to my bed. Sitting down, I unfolded each note carefully.
After each note was read and reread a few times then folded back, I tucked the box under my bed and lay down. “I miss you,” I whispered into the emptiness of my bedroom and folded my arms around my pillow.
THE FIRE was blazing and I kicked my legs out in front of me with my ass planted on my aunt's living room couch, nursing the fruit punch in my hand (spiked with vodka from the hidden flask in my pocket.) My aunt always went all out for her annual Christmas parties and that night was no exception. Everyone around me was dressed to the nines in their formal gowns and tuxes - including me. As much was I wanted to show up in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, my aunt would have had my ass if I didn't dress up for the damn thing. I did, however, go sans tie.
A few girls tried to start a conversation with me but I had brushed them off. I wasn't sure what had been wrong with me lately. I wanted to convince myself that my anti-social behavior was the result of my mom bailing on me again this year, but it wasn't. Ever since Daisy opened up to me, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I’d never had someone trust me like she did that night and it felt good. What I wanted with our friendship and a potential hookup was now shifting into wanting something I’d never wanted before. Daisy didn’t make me feel the same way other girls made me feel. I liked being in the same room with her and her little irks didn’t annoy the shit out of me. No, when I was around her, she had my full attention and I always wanted more.
The stiff couch dipped in as a warm body landed next to me. "Merry Christmas, asshole.”