Behind the Courtesan

chapter Twenty

Blake woke early the next morning with barely any sleep and a permanent lump stuck inside his throat. The sun wasn’t yet up, but it wouldn’t be long and he needed to be on the road now. He dressed quickly, unaware and uncaring of what he donned. In the kitchen he made coffee. As he gulped and his stomach warmed, his gaze was drawn to the small changes Sophie had made in the short time she’d spent turning his kitchen into her domain. Everywhere he looked was neat and tidy. She’d even scrubbed the wall above the hearth, bringing it back to a warm brick color rather than the red and black grime color it had become. He ran a tight kitchen, but he didn’t get time to do some things.

She had given him so much in the past week and not all because of the bargain he’d trapped her into. After their accident, she’d stepped up and done everything expected of a publican and more. But at the end of the day, she wasn’t made for this life. Running a tavern wasn’t going to keep her in Blakiston and he doubted he would be enticing enough on his own. No. He had to offer her something. Something more than a farmer’s wife and more than love.

In reality, with Sophie being so logical, love would not put a roof over her head. It didn’t matter how he offered it, she would need more.

Would she stay for a duke if not for a tavern keeper? If it came down to it, he would sell his soul for a roof over her beautiful head.

He walked back into the tap, and using the tip of his mud-crusted boot, he kicked Matthew awake and thrust a coffee into his hands, his energy more renewed now than when he’d first woken. “Drink up and make it quick,” he said. “I ride out in ten minutes with or without you.”

“Is it still raining?” Matthew asked as he rubbed his eyes and sat up.

“Rain stopped around three. It’ll be slippery but at least not so cold and miserable.”

“Speaking of miserable,” Matthew said with a small smile. “Where do you plan to start looking? It’s going to be treacherous going, even if the rain does keep off.”

He’d been thinking on that all night. The closest property over the bridge was Matthew’s. But why she would have gone there when her brother was at the inn, he wasn’t sure. Regardless, they had to start somewhere. “I’m going to backtrack to the bridge on the other side and you are going to go straight home. Check on your wife and then come and find me. The mud will be so deep on the other side that, with luck, I’ll see footprints. Hopefully the other two bridges are still standing.”

Neither man said it but the bridge to the south was sure to have taken the full weight of the fallen bridge and likely had been washed away as well. Hopefully, if luck did smile on them that day, the old and rotten timbers would have sunk, snagged or broken up in the three miles of bends and banks before the next bridge. His hopes were pinned on sunk or snagged.

“We’ll take Daemon’s horses.”

“Will you now?” a sleepy voice asked from the doorway.

Blake spun and faced his brother, already dressed in high boots, breeches and a sturdy shirt, waistcoat and coat, the very picture of a powerful duke. “You’re going to help?” he asked.

Daemon gave him a don’t-be-daft look before walking farther into the room. “The Duke’s horses will be faster. I had Dominic collect three of the best last night. They should be saddled and ready right about,” he pulled out his fob and examined the face, “now.”

“What are we waiting for, then?” Sophie could be out there, hurt, desperate or in danger. Fourteen years was more than enough time to forget how dangerous the wild countryside could be. The night they were stranded, she’d wanted to start walking back to the inn on her own. The woman had no idea.

Blake didn’t wait for an answer. He turned on his heel and marched through the muddy yard and into the stable. They’d wasted enough time.

Dominic handed him the reins to a towering chestnut and with barely a nod, he swung up into the saddle and took off north. The horse mustn’t have seen exercise for some time in Blakiston’s yard, and sensing his eagerness, took the lead and lengthened his stride, quickening his pace until the only sound was the thunder of his hooves. The wind whipped past, stinging his cheeks.

Blake leaned over his neck, only putting the slightest pressure on the reins to keep the beast to the solid parts of the road rather than the slick mud. One of them was going to wind up with a broken neck if even one hoof was misplaced.

When the northern bridge came into view, Blake looked heavenward and gave thanks, reining in hard.

“I thought you were never going to slow,” Daemon said as he brought a midnight horse to a stop next to his.

“I would rather find Sophie than die trying,” he said.

“You could have ridden past her and never noticed.”

Blake shook his head. “She won’t be on this side of the river and the current is going the opposite way.” He swallowed hard. “If she went in, she’ll be down Matthew’s end.” As soon as he said the words, he groaned. He should have taken the south.

“Don’t even think it,” Daemon ordered. “We will find her safe and sound. That woman has more lives than an alley cat.”

“I hope so,” Blake muttered before crossing the bridge with care. If the water had been strong enough to take the other, then this one could have sustained damage also.

By the time they got to where the footings from the old structure stood, naked and lonely, the sun shone bright on a day of torment. He saw small boot tracks sliding about before ceasing in the harder part of the roadway.

“Thank the Lord she made it over,” Daemon breathed, echoing Blake’s exact thoughts.

With more hope than he dared feel an hour before, they set off again, this time in the direction of Matthew’s house. There was nowhere else to go out here.

“Do you think she was wrong to react the way she did?” Blake asked as they rode. “After what I said?”

“I would have punched you, myself. Or called you out. She did what any woman would have done. But for God’s sake, she should only have fled to the kitchens or barn in this weather.”

“Why are you helping me now? You don’t think I deserve her any more than I do.”

“It’s not about who deserves whom or even how you treat each other. It’s a question of whether you can make her happy. I believe you can. If you can keep your mouth shut.”

But the problem wasn’t going to be his mouth. Even if they found her, how could he tell her everything in his heart before she ripped his head off?

Before he could think further about the angle of his approach, she appeared. Just like that. She walked with long strides over the crest of a hill in the middle of the road on the hard packed dirt and she was...smiling. Vibrantly. The sleeves of her ruined dress were pulled up to her arms and stains darkened the front, but she smiled as she walked.

Blake kicked his heels hard to the sides of the horse until the beast surged with power beneath him. When he was close enough, he reined in, but before the animal had stopped, he kicked free of the stirrups and leapt from his back.

Blake was so unashamedly glad to see her, he threw his arms around her and lifted her from the ground. She fit in his arms as if she was made to be held by him and only him. It was a few seconds before Blake realized how he held her and went to put her back on her feet. It was only a second more until he realized she held him just as hard.

“Thank God you’re all right. You could have died.”

“You’re here,” she whispered.

“Where else would I be?”

The thunder of hoof beats brought them back to the fact they stood in the middle of the road. Daemon averted his gaze, his horse shifting after sensing her rider’s discomfort.

Matthew pulled the reins hard and finally came to a stop, looked Sophie from head to toes and back again. “Where the hell have you been?”

“You were supposed to be downstream, Matthew,” Blake pointed out.

“I did go that way, but then I found the remains of the bridge and the tree branches are completely blocking the bend down by the Patrick place. I figured if she had been in the water, the tree would have stopped her swim.”

“How nice of you to put it that way,” Sophie commented with a shiver. “As you can see, I didn’t require a swim at all.”

“Is that blood on your dress?” he asked, ignoring her attempt at sarcasm.

“It’s not mine.”

Matthew stared at her for a moment, his gaze shifting from her face to the road she had walked down. “Violet?”

* * *

Sophie didn’t get the chance to answer before he’d kicked his heels to his horse’s sides and took off down the lane.

“Do I need to go after him?” Daemon asked.

“She is fine, as are the babies.”

“Babies?” both men echoed.

“A boy and a girl.”

Blake blew out a breath before speaking. “Are they all right? Jesus, Sophie, what happened last night?”

“After I left the inn, I headed to say my goodbyes to Violet and found her in labor.”

“Do I want to know the rest of this story?” Daemon groaned.

Sophie laughed. “Perhaps not.”

“Then I’ll go and make sure your brother doesn’t kill himself on his way home.”

“Blake, I—”

“Sophie—”

Sophie thought Blake would do the gentlemanly thing and let her speak first but when she opened her mouth, he clapped a hand over it and shushed her. He shushed her?

“I have to tell you something before you ruin the moment and distract me from my purpose. Will you cease your noise?”

She nodded and he took his hand away a heartbeat before she would have tried to bite him for manhandling her. “What—”

“Sophie!” His warning was received. She nodded again and snapped her mouth shut.

“You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met. Even as a girl, you had to have everything your way. If you could have controlled the sun rising you would have told it to give you an extra hour in the day to get your hands dirty.”

He was right.

“You also never listen. You hear, but you don’t listen.”

“Are you going to stand there and list my flaws? I’m tired, Blake, I want to get back and wash and rest.”

“Will you shut up? I’m trying to tell you that I want you to stay. I want you to stay in Blakiston.”

“Why?” She wasn’t going to tell him she’d already decided to stay. She wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Because I don’t think I could live through losing you again. Because this past week has shown me that life with you is a hell of a lot more interesting than without you.”

“But we fight. All the time. Interesting isn’t a word I would associate with our friendship.”

Blake stepped toward her and cupped her dirt-smudged cheek. “What if ours isn’t only a friendship?”

She blinked. Held her breath.

“I love you, Sophie, and I want you to stay here with me. I want you to work alongside me, sleep alongside me, live with me.”

She gulped. Gulped again. Sophie racked her brain trying to think of a reason he would have to say all of the things he was saying. Was it because she’d been gone and he’d worried for her? Did he mistake fear of loss with love? The look on his face when he’d seen her was one of pure relief. Perhaps he thought he owed it to her to keep her safe? His idea of safe anyway.

“You don’t have to do this.” She stepped back. Instantly her cheek was cold from the loss of contact. His contact. “You don’t have to try to save me.”

“I’m not trying to save you. I’m trying to save me. No woman has ever lived up to your image in my mind. I stopped looking and hadn’t even realized I had until you came back into my life and turned it inside out. I didn’t know how miserable I was without you.”

Sophie was torn. Did she believe him? Trust him? Or did she trust as she always had, only in herself and no one else. Then she wouldn’t be let down, she couldn’t be hurt or left out in the cold.

Blake must have taken her silence as refusal as he forged ahead. “I’ll be anyone you want. I’ll be a duke or a tavern owner or even a farmer, just as long as you stand beside me.”

“As your what? As your maid or your mistress? Perhaps your close friend?” She had to hear the words. She wouldn’t believe it until she heard it from his mouth, checked the sincerity in his eyes against the reaction in her body. What if his relief at her safety and gratitude over her help this week coerced this declaration? She wouldn’t know if he offered her a life out of guilt and he wouldn’t know if she accepted out of desperation.

“I want you as my wife and the mother of my children. Imagine retelling this tale to the little ones.” His smile was the brightest she’d seen since they were children.

She could see in her mind the picture he painted. But there was just one problem with the vision. “There’s something I have to tell you before you say anything else.”

“If it’s no, then I probably don’t want to hear it. Do you need time to think on it? Do you need me to get down on my knees and apologize and tell you what an idiot I’ve been? How ashamed I am for the names I called you?”

“It’s not that.” She shook her head, her eyes burned with tears and the words stuck in her throat. “Before I came here...”

“Let’s forget the past. Put it all behind us and never look back ever again.”

“Can you do that?”

“Can you?”

“No.” It was the simplest answer. Whether he stayed an innkeeper, became a farmer or took the title, her past was always going to come between them and they would be hopelessly naive to think otherwise.

“No?”

“Before I came here, I was pregnant.”

“What?” This time it was Blake who stepped away from her. Exactly the reaction she’d expected from him.

“I lost the baby. And not the first one. Blake, I can never carry a child.”

“How many times have you been with child?”

The disgust she’d thought would follow his initial reaction was strangely absent in his question.

“Becoming pregnant is not always avoidable in my profession.”

“How many times?”

“Five. This one was to be the fifth child I would have liked to hold in my arms, heard her tiny cry...” Had someone to love and be loved by.

“I don’t understand. I’m sorry for your loss, but what does this have to do with anything between us?”

“If you take the title, I won’t be able to give you an heir. You’ll never be a father and I will never be a mother. We won’t ever have a family to call our own.”

Blake raked a hand through his already mussed hair and took a deep breath. His chest hurt with the effort not to explode and rail and rant. Not at her, but for her. And mostly at himself. He should have known there was something off about Sophie when she’d looked at him from her perch in the carriage in the yard that first day. When she’d alternated between fear and fury and then resignation, he’d thought her acting skills had matured while in London. But she really had been angry and upset...hurt. Why hadn’t he just let her be?

“Children don’t make a family, Sophie, love and commitment do. I’ll still take the title if that’s what you want. After the fathers we had to walk in the shadows of, I’m not even sure I want to be one. Matthew and Violet have plenty enough babes to go around now.”

“You say that now, but what about the future?”

“I’m already thirty-three years old. This is the future.”

“You are the only one who can decide to take the title or not. It will be your burden to bear, but I know you can do good. Would do good.”

“Haven’t we made enough decisions in our lives without asking for help or considering others?”

“I thought you said you understood why I made those choices.”

He took her hands in his. “I’m not judging you. I’m saying we should consider each other now. If you’re to be my wife, then we need to make the choices here on in.”

“I haven’t agreed to become your wife.”

“You will.” Blake chuckled. He felt lighter now than he had in fourteen years. This time it didn’t matter what she did or where she went. He would follow her and never let her go.

“You think to force me? Wear me down?”

Blake took her hand in his and began walking toward where the horse stood grazing quietly. He didn’t want to let her go. Not even for a second. “I would never force you to do anything.” He stared at her sideways. “Well, I may force you to take a bath. You look as though you rolled through a paddock.”

“I may as well have,” she muttered as her hand relaxed in his and her stride lengthened to keep pace.

“So a boy and a girl? Are they really all right?”

“They’re excellent. It was the most difficult night of my life. And the best.”

“Do you think maybe you could make a life out of delivering babies?”

Sophie’s nose wrinkled and she shook her head. “Never. I would never want to do it again for as long as I live.”

They both laughed at that. He didn’t want any of the details, but he could imagine.

As he walked alongside the animal, wondering how they were both going to fit on the narrow saddle, relishing the idea of holding her on his lap as they made their way back to the inn, the sounds of hooves reached him again.

At first he thought they might belong to Daemon, but the noise came from the other direction and the rising level signaled more than one horse.

Blake held the reins in his hand and without a word, helped Sophie into the saddle.

“I don’t ride well, Blake, and this is not a side saddle.”

The feeling of unease multiplied in him when a carriage and pair barreled around the bend, headed straight for the fork in the road behind where they stood. He recognized at once the conveyance and the driver behind the horses, a look of anger and desperation on his face.

He was not in the mood for a confrontation with a debt-ridden former duke.