Behind His Lens

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Charley

“I didn’t expect him to ask his two friends to join, but it was too late by then! So I just went with the flow.” Victoria eyes scan across to each of us and then she grins wildly. “Let’s just say that every girl should experience that once in her life.” She waggles her eyebrows and all the girls erupt in laughter.

“Ah! You’re insane,” Bella laughs next to me.

“Hey, when in Rome.” She shrugs playfully and takes a sip of her martini.

“You were in Brazil!” Bella shouts, eliciting another round of laughs.

Bella dragged me down to the hotel bar earlier so I could hangout with the girls while I waited for Jude. He texted me when the shoot wrapped a few minutes ago, but he wanted to head to his room to shower, so I told him he could find me at the bar. After my part of the shoot was over, I cleaned up and threw on a pair of short, faded jean cutoffs and a slinky blue tank top. Yes, of course I left the white bikini on.

I wasn’t sure where to get our dinner, but when I called the concierge, the hotel offered to bring a picnic up for me. I was nervous about ordering since I have no knowledge of what Jude prefers, but hopefully he’ll be too hungry to care. At least the hotel tucked our food into a small cooler. That way I could hide it in my bohemian bag so none of the girls would ask about it.

As soon as I finished packing the cooler up and sliding on my strappy sandals, Bella knocked on my door.

“Have you ever been to Brazil, Charley?” Victoria asks, drawing me back to the present. She tips back her martini until it’s bone dry and I watch her bite the olives off the toothpick as I shake my head.

“No, but it’s definitely on my bucket list. Especially after that story,” I joke.

She smiles wide and cheers, “Yes! I bet you’ll get to go sooner than you think. Especially after your cover. You’ll get booked for all sorts of jobs around the world.”

I nod, soaking in her words, “I might actually try to lay low for a while.”

My declaration causes frantic stirring around the table. “What?”— “Why?”— “To build your mysterious vibe?”— “That’s crazy!”

I shake my head, twisting the cocktail napkin in my hand. “Just for personal reasons.”

“But there are girls who would kill to be in your position, Charley,” Victoria presses.

Would they? Have I?

I don’t know how the conversation became directed at my career decisions, but I’m starting to wonder if I shouldn’t have come with Bella. Thankfully, she notices my discomfort.

“Victoria! Tell us another one of your stories. Maybe about Vespa Boy? Didn’t you guys sneak into the Eiffel Tower after it closed?” And just like that, the tables back to laughing and the attention is no longer on me. I recline back in my chair and try to immerse myself in Victoria’s story. But a moment later, I feel the energy in the bar change. It’s as if every free electron in my body is being drawn to a positive force. I don’t even have to turn; I know Jude walked into the bar, and my instincts are confirmed when his scent wraps around me like an intoxicating wave. It’s fresh and completely male.

But before I can turn to see him, I feel his warm hands engulf my shoulders and a pair of lips press against my shoulder blade. Holy hell. His kiss sends fireworks through me and I know he can feel me tremble beneath his hands. He just kissed me in front of all the girls, and as expected, their eyes are wide with wonder and confusion. Martinis freeze mid-way to gaping mouths and I know I shouldn’t turn around and see how devastatingly handsome he looks. I should just revel in this ignorant bliss, but I can’t. I need to see him.

His hands slip from my shoulders as I turn around and take in his heavenly appearance. His dark hair is damp and tousled from his shower, and his new tan and dark stubble make him appear sultry and mysterious. He’s got on a white t-shirt that you can practically see every muscle through and solid black board shorts. He looks so relaxed, but I know him better than that. He’s always in control.

No one speaks for a few moments, and I realize they were all doing exactly what I’d just done: ogling this dream of a man.

“Sorry, ladies, but I have to steal Charley away for the evening.” My heart flutters and I want to record him saying those exact words over and over again.

“Ooooh,” all the girls erupt into giggles and sighs. I shoot them a playful glare as I stand to retrieve my bag. It’s not heavy, but Jude reaches for it and clasps it tightly in his hand.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow on set,” I smile and wave, making eye contact with Bella one last time.

Her smile is practically splitting her face in two, and I know she’s getting as much out of this as I am.

Jude

“They’re going to have so much to talk about for the rest of the night,” Charley comments as I lead her through the hotel. Her tone tells me she’s joking, but I know she doesn’t like being the center of attention.

“You’re right, they’ll probably talk about how great I looked all night,” I tease, knowing my remark fell past charming, landing directly in arrogant a*shole territory, but it worked. She smiled and shook her head, and I got her to forget about them for a moment.

Without thinking, my hand reaches out to find hers. We continue walking and no one mentions the gesture, but I notice her glance down for a moment before she squeezes gently.

“So, where are we going?” she asks with subtle reservation. If I was half as brutish as I think I was at the photo shoot, she’s probably wondering if I’m still upset with her.

“Well since we have the volcano shoot and crew dinner tomorrow, I figured we should swim while we had the chance. I found a good spot yesterday that should be secluded.”


“Secluded, hmm?” She purses her lips and hums.

I look at her out of the corner of my eye and smile slyly.

With a gentle tug, she swings our hands back and forth as if we’re little kids walking in the park. I can’t remember the last time I did something so innocent with a girl.

“It feels kind of strange being with you like this,” she admits as we step out of the hotel and onto the path toward the beach. It’s dusk and the sun will set soon, but for now the evening glow reflects off the water in a breathtaking view.

“Does it?” I ask, even though I feel it too.

“Yeah. Normally there are so many… emotions flaring between us when we first see each other, but this time it feels different.”

“Maybe we’re just becoming comfortable around one another?” I offer with a small smile.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s it. But it feels like maybe something more too.”

What a vague statement, but I won’t prod her for anything more. I’m happy she mentioned anything at all. As we walk in silence for a little while, we let our bodies sync into an easy rhythm. We mold our movements together as the ground transitions from concrete to dark wood and then to soft sand beneath our feet. After we stow our shoes next to the resorts entrance to the beach, I adjust my backpack over my shoulder and grip her bag tightly.

When we start walking again, she’s the one who reaches out for my hand. The way she gently clasps it makes it feel like she’s clamping down directly on my heart, and the sensation makes me wonder how she can possibly affect me so explicitly.

My fingers wind around hers and my thumb runs absentmindedly back and forth across the back of her hand. Another few minutes pass as we move farther from the resort.

“We aren’t at the spot yet, but we should probably eat before it gets too dark,” I suggest as I drop her hand.

“Everything is in my backpack, but I didn’t think about how sandy our food would get,” she frowns, running her toes through the sand.

I shake my head and swing my backpack down, “No worries, I brought a blanket.”

Her eyes flash up as she grins, “I should have known you would think to bring one.”

“Am I that dependable?”

She leans back to eye me up and down, skeptically. “I’d say… predictable.”

With a thud, I drop the bags onto the sand and eye her devilishly. “I’ll remember that, Charley.”

“Alright, alright. I wouldn’t use that word,” she pauses, holding her hands up in defeat as I spread out the blanket. “Thoughtful, controlling, demanding all come to mind though.”

“Demanding, huh?”

“Oh, yes. Very demanding,” her eyebrows perk up slightly.

“You don’t sound like you mind,” I challenge, sliding down onto the blanket.

She shakes her head. “I don’t think I do.” She sits down with her legs tucked under her, but she doesn’t meet my eyes again until after she unzips her bag and pulls out a small blue cooler. “I ordered some chicken salad, French bread, cheese, and fruit.” Her blue eyes hold a sense of unease. “Does that sound okay?”

Was she nervous that I wouldn’t like what she picked?

“Sounds awesome. I’m pretty hungry and I like chicken salad.”

“Me too. But I bet they didn’t make it as good as I can back home,” she declares with a grin as we begin to set out the food and make our plates.

“Oh really, Ms. forgets-to-eat, knows how to cook?”

“Hey! When I remember, I’m pretty good at making a few recipes. My chicken salad is really good. I add tarragon, cranberries, and toasted walnuts. It’s addicting.”

“Sounds like it would be.”

The sun keeps sliding down, painting the sky in hues of orange and red as we dive into our meal. The photo shoot wore me out and I know I could have fallen asleep in an instant if I’d stayed in my hotel room, but I didn’t want to miss this moment. The tropical air swirls around us, picking up strands of Charley’s hair and blowing them past her face. She tips her head up and closes her eyes briefly, accepting the soft caresses.

“Cheers to your first Hawaiian sunset, Charley.” I tip my bottled water toward hers, breaking the silence.

“Hopefully there will be many more,” she muses before taking another bite and reclining on her hands to take in the view.

“Can I ask when your last relationship was?” I know my question startles her because she sits up and furrows her brow for a moment before catching herself.

“Oh, um, it’s been quite a while. Sort of an embarrassingly long time.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s not as if I have anything to boast about.”

“Well, it’s kind of complicated,” she starts, and I angle toward her a bit to let her know I’m listening.

“Hudson was my last long-term relationship, although interacting with him now makes me wonder what we even used to talk about. I guess we had more in common back then? Or maybe we’ve both changed a lot?” She rambles on for a moment, drawing on old memories. “I tried to date a guy my freshman year in college but it didn’t work out. My heart wasn’t in it and I ended things pretty quick.”

She squints her eyes toward the setting sun and takes a deep breath.

“Ever since then, I’ve just kind of floated around. I’ve been on a few dates here and there, but nothing past that.” She shrugs. “Is that how it was for you?”

Oh, how I wish it was. “Not exactly. I didn’t date women when I got back to New York. I never even considered it until…” Too soon. “Anyway, no. I used women and they used me, it was as simple as that. I never offered anything I didn’t intend on fulfilling.”

I expect her to recoil from my declaration, but when I glance over, she’s nodding slowly, methodically. “I honestly thought about doing the same thing,” she mutters, and my heart splinters. The idea of a man using her for anything makes my blood boil.

“I mean, I haven’t had sex in a long time,” she glances over at me with a sheepish grin, “like a long, long time. There were moments when I wanted to cave, but I didn’t think I’d be good at it. It’s not that I would get attached or anything. I’m actually good at remaining unattached; I just didn’t think it would be good for my self-esteem.”

Her words sound steadied and focused. She’s more self-aware than I was at twenty-three, and once again I find myself wondering what kind of life experiences pushed her toward such wisdom. “Why, Charley?” I’m not even sure what I’m asking, but I want her to keep talking.

My question jars her one step too far though. Her eyes are a deep, stormy blue one second, and then she blinks and they’re crystalline once again. I know I’ve lost the moment.

“Why were you upset with me at the photo shoot today?” she asks, furrowing her brow. Her question forces me into an ultimatum: either I answer and let her hide away from her demons, or I don’t and I push her, maybe past a tipping point. I want to push her, I want to provoke her to reveal her true feelings, but I’ve learned my lesson before and tonight doesn’t feel like the right time. When will there be a right time? F*ck. I push my subconscious aside and inhale deeply, catching a whiff of her vanilla scent teaming with the island breeze. It’s a heady mixture and it soothes my unease just enough so that I can answer her question in a semi-normal tone.


“I feel slightly ridiculous saying it now,” I admit gruffly.

“I’m sure it wasn’t ridiculous at the time,” she murmurs timidly, and her words undo me. Even if she can’t be honest with me, I can’t keep my words from spilling out for her.

Have I talked this much about my feelings since I got back from overseas and was forced to do it three times a week? No.

“I hated being helpless,” I begin with a reluctant sigh. “I hated watching you seduce the camera, seduce Ryan, seduce the future readers of the magazine, and I couldn’t do a thing about it. In fact, I had to push you further— when in reality, I don’t want you seducing anyone or anything other than me.” Brutal honesty spills from my mouth and now that I’ve started I want to get it all out. “I want everyone to know that you belong to me. Ryan was flirting with you on set and I wanted to deck him. I’ve never cared about a model before. Hell, I’ve barely paid attention to them at all, but you set my world on fire and now there’s no going back to the way it used to be.”

I drag a hand across my stubble, hearing her unsteady inhales. Good, at least my words are affecting her. “It was torture watching you tug down that bikini bottom. I don’t want anyone fantasizing about you the way that I do.”

“You fantasize about me?” her soft voice chirps, and without my permission, my face splits into a grin. I turn toward her and unlock my hands so that I can inch closer.

“Every minute of every day since I met you, Charley.”

She doesn’t look away from the ocean. Her teeth tug on her bottom lip and she wrings her hands nervously. “You drive me insane, Jude.”

I inch closer, willing her to open up for me. “I like driving you, Charley. I don’t care if we both go insane, as long as you stop fighting me. Let me in.”

“Don’t you understand?” she storms. “For the past two weeks I haven’t been letting you in.” She sweeps a hand angrily across the blanket for emphasis. “You’ve been bulldozing through every wall I’ve subconsciously built around my life. And I hate it. It makes me feel, it makes me uncomfortable and even sad at times. But then it feels f*cking amazing. Like I’m not numb,” she says, reaching for my hand and tugging it against her heart. It’s beating so fast, like a hummingbird’s, and I sit frozen waiting for her to finish. “You deliver a shock of energy to my heart every time you’re around.”

I watch a tear slip down her cheek to rest on her pretty pink lips.

“I hate it. I hate it,” she repeats until my lips are on hers and I’m muffling her passion with my own. Our kiss is different than anything I’ve experienced; it’s alive and greedy as we attack one another, trying to express conflicting emotions: love and hate. She’s trying to use her nails, her biting teeth, and the hard yanks of my hair to prove her hate, but she doesn’t realize how transparent her actions are. Because that’s the thing. Charley wants me to run; it’ll be easier for her that way. But I’m not giving up. I’ll never let her feel numb again.

With quick movements, I tug off my shirt and her clothes, pick her up, and carry her toward the water. All the while keeping our mouths sealed together.

Charley

His words wreck me. Brutal honestly is not something I’m used to dealing with, and he says everything like it’s so cut and dried. I can’t just accept him into my life; I don’t even think that’s possible anymore. But he doesn’t shy away from the challenge. He’s carrying us into the water as I wrap my legs around his firm waist. Even if words aren’t feasible at the moment, I’m pouring my emotions into each tug of hair, each nip of my teeth on his lips, and he’s responding like a hunter: quick and feral and hungry.

He carries me like I’m a rag doll, barely exerting any effort as he drags us deeper into the water. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know the sun’s going down and that we shouldn’t go out too far, but I trust Jude.

Water laps around us as we go deeper and deeper. It inches up my calves and thighs, finally coming to rest at my waist so that both of our lower bodies are concealed by glassy water. It seals our bodies tighter, wrapping us in serene layers of salt, sand, and lust. My mind doesn’t even register the temperature, not when I have Jude’s warm body pressed against my thighs, overwhelming my equilibrium. Oh God. My hands run down his chest, trying to commit each sinewy line of muscle to memory. It’s impossible though. His body is a work of art; one that would take years to memorize.

I tilt my head back, breaking our kiss and capturing a sliver of my sanity again. My eyes scour over him, adding another sense to my exploration of his body. Even his torso is a shade darker than when I saw him playing soccer the other day. I wonder if he took his shirt off after I left the photo shoot.

“What are you doing?” he asks, tightening his hold on the back of my thighs. His fingers are just close enough to the edge of my bikini bottom that my toes curl in response.

“Looking at you,” I explain simply, tracing down his broad shoulders to wrap my hands around his hard, muscled arms. My fingers don’t even come close to wrapping around his bicep, and I can see his amusement out of the corner of my eye.

“I want to keep you in this moment forever,” I smile dreamily, letting my hands caress down his chiseled abs. He’s being so patient, letting me touch him like this, though I know it won’t last. He’ll regain control soon, but for now it feels like he’s my own personal paradise and I revel in the thought.

“Your hands are torture, Charley,” he breathes huskily, spurring me on even more. The pads of my fingers drag along the sharp v-cut under his abs. I’m barely an inch above his board shorts and I can feel his body reacting to my touch as he subtly grinds against me, separated only by flimsy swimsuits.

Suddenly, his hand reaches down to capture my wrist so that he can pull my hand up to his lips. I stare up at him in shock, as he slowly, deliberately dips my fingers into his mouth and sucks each one until I’m puddy in his hands.

“I want to taste every inch of you, Charley, and tomorrow I will. But for right now, your pretty little fingers will have to do.” F*cking hell. I’ve never had a man say things like that to me before. I realize why he does it though; hearing him declare the yearning to deliver sexy deeds turns me on almost as much as if he were actually performing them.

With predatory movements, he takes my hand from his enticing mouth and drags it down my own body. It’s his hand forcing mine, but the combination bewitches my senses as if I’m touching myself while he watches me, commands me. He skips over my bikini top, skimming down my stomach and creating a surge of butterflies in his wake. I know where he’s leading our hands but I can’t process it, it’s too raw, too exposed and it sends my mind into overdrive. Our hands sink below the water and he presses my fingers along the tiny piece of triangular fabric of my bikini. Oh. My. God. Can I do this? Do I want to stop this? No. Hell no.

In the next moment, every thought dissolves from my mind because our hands pull my bikini aside, exposing my sensitive flesh to all of Jude’s mischievous deeds.

He drags our fingers lightly over my folds and my head falls back in ecstasy.

“God, you’re so soft, so silky. Do you feel that, Charley?”


His words ricochet through me, dripping with every titillating promise of what he’ll do to my body. His hand presses against me— feeling me, marking me, owning me. I’m unraveling beneath him and attempting to keep up is hopeless. I yank my hand away from his and pull him toward me so I can show him what he’s doing to me the only way I know how: with my lips. I tug his hair, hard, and press our bodies together. He responds with greedy pets and long, delicious strokes before he finally slides a finger into me, and I’m lost. I’m no longer rooted down to earth.

This is pure bliss.

His finger drives possessively into me as his other hand grips my ass. He’s not letting me go anywhere. His hands hold me tightly against him so that I have no reprieve from his overwhelming touch. As gravity and the ocean’s current push me down, he slides another finger in to join the first. He knows exactly where to stroke, how to curl his fingers and find the spot that seems to be the center of my universe.

“Ju…de…” I moan, keeping my head titled back as he continues his relentless pursuit of my pleasure with his deft fingers.

He kisses down my neck, nipping and licking a trail down to my collarbone. “My sweet girl, you’re so tight around my fingers. I want to sink into you right here. I’d let you ride me and milk out your orgasm again and again.”

His words rip me apart until I’m completely exposed to him.

“I… Jude. Don’t stop.” My voice sounds feral and wild as I fall closer and closer to the edge.

“Come for me, Charley,” he demands, sinking his teeth into the delicate skin between my neck and shoulder.

“Come,” he demands again, and my body explodes obediently.

Delicious tingles spread through each limb as my world teeters off axis. Crashing waves of pleasure roll through me again and again, combining with the ocean’s gentle tide to coax out every last morsel of my ecstasy.

As the world around me slowly begins to filter through the fog of my waning pleasure, I realize there’s a voice shouting at us from shore. I open my eyes to see Jude squinting past me and when I twist my head, I can see a figure standing up on the beach. A man waving his hands, trying to get us to come back to shore.

“What in the world?” Jude asks, letting my legs slide down to the ocean floor. Thankfully my lower body is weightless in the water or my knees would have buckled under the weight of the last few minutes. I reach down to adjust my bikini bottom, realizing how sensitive my flesh still is. Ugh. If this man hadn’t interrupted us, I would have, no doubt, been well on my way to another orgasm.

“Get up here, you two!” The man yells again, shaking his head admonishingly. Jude takes my hand in his and starts walking us back to shore. But then he pauses.

“Oh, shit,” Jude whispers under his breath, drawing my attention.

What?

“Are we in trouble?”

“No, but we’re probably on his private property. This isn’t where I meant to take you, remember? We just stopped here to eat.”

Clarity sinks in and a wave of embarrassment crashes over me. Surely the man couldn’t see anything and how could we have known? It’s not like there’s red tape or a fence along the beach. My question is answered, however, as we step closer to shore.

Three sighs are stuck into the sand along the beach with bold, bright letters: “Private beach— No Trespassing”. How did we miss those earlier?

“You stinking kids think you can just go wherever you want! This is my property and I pay a hell of a lot of money to keep people like you out!”

Jude’s hand tightens around mine and for a moment I wonder if he’ll say something to make the situation worse. The distinguished-looking man has every right to be frustrated, but he’s clearly overreacting. We should just grab our stuff and leave.

Except, he’s standing on our blanket and clearly isn’t going to budge. The closer we get to our stuff, the angrier the man becomes, waving his hands and huffing dramatically like he’s trying to flag down a helicopter. Jude let’s go of my hand without a word and starts to gather my bag and his backpack, leaving the blanket where it is.

“I’ve already called the police,” the man slurs, and points his shaky finger in Jude’s face. That’s when it clicks: he’s completely wasted. What the hell? Jude slides his steely gaze toward me for reassurance and then turns to face the man.

“I understand you’re angry, but we honestly didn’t know this was a private beach,” he answers with a respectful but hard tone. “We’re leaving and we’ll be sure to check next time.”

“Like hell you are!” The man rears back in anger and grabs my arm, jerking me toward him with an angry tug. I stumble over the sand trying to regain my footing, but in a flash, my arm is free and Jude has the man by the throat.

I’m thrown back by my own resistance to the forces no longer holding me. My awkward seat in the sand offers me an oblique view of the tense scene unfurling before me. Damnit, that guy grabbed me! How did this escalate so quickly?

“If you ever touch her again, you’ll be enjoying your private beach only after they release you from the hospital,” Jude growls, picking the man up off the ground and clutching his neck even tighter. I watch his fingers dig into the man’s flesh unrelentingly as we all teeter in the moment. Jude’s a dominant force, ready to enact his will as if the inebriated man were nothing more than a dry leaf to be crushed in the palm of his hand. My stomach rolls as I call out for Jude to stop, and somehow my plea makes it through his angry haze because a moment later he’s tossing the man down onto the sand. The coward crawls backward like a scared crab. Despite his weary appearance, he still feels to need to yell about the police arriving soon, as if Jude isn’t a wild hair away from pounding his flesh into the sand despite my pleas otherwise.

Jude’s sardonic laugh echoes through the broken night. He’s perfectly aware that the police will care more about the man’s drunken shenanigans than the fact that we mistakenly entered a private beach.

I watch Jude gather our belongings again, preparing to leave, but I stand frozen, trying to process the scene. A moment later, when Jude reaches for me, I rear back in fear. Not of Jude, exactly, but of the entire situation. Everything happened so fast, one minute I was having a mind-boggling orgasm, and the next, a crazy drunk was yanking me around. Suddenly Jude’s blue eyes pierce through my haze like an old friend and his soft words melt over me.

“Hey, Charley. It’s okay. We’re leaving,” he caresses my hair gently, and I nod, taking his hand and letting him pull me back toward the hotel.

R.S. Grey's books