“Before you come over tonight . . . be sure . . . okay?” He looked up and narrowed his eyes. “And wear that dress.”
His shirt had ridden up, revealing the muscles of his lower abdomen. I couldn’t help but stare. When I looked back up to his face I expected to see a cocky smile, but his lips were flat. Serious.
“Okay.” I said.
After he left the room, I ransacked my closet for something to pack that I could wear to his rich father’s house. I basically threw all of the clothes I owned into my suitcase, then I took off my dress, laid it out on the bed, and got into the shower. A million insecurities ran through my mind as I groomed every inch of my body.
I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, letting the hot water pour down on me. My hand instinctively moved lower as I ran through images of Matt touching me over and over again in my mind. I touched my breasts, trying to imagine what they would feel like to him. I wondered if I had sex appeal. I tried to imagine how I would pose or move my body. I didn’t have a clue.
After the shower, I dried my hair quickly and put on a tiny bit of lip gloss. I had one matching bra and underwear set. It was cheap black lace, and the panties were unraveling a bit at the hip. I put them on and stared at myself in the full-length mirror. Cupping my breasts over the lace and smoothing my hands down my sides to my hips, my nerves began to calm. I needed to know how I would feel to him. I was smooth and warm, and when I reached lower, I was wet. I slipped my red dress with black flowers over my head.
Everything was ready and sitting by the door for the trip. The only thing left on my agenda that night was to lose my virginity. I was more nervous than I had ever been, but I was ready.
I knocked on his door a moment later, and when I heard him shuffling across the floor, my stomach dropped. He had told me to be sure, but now I was having doubts.
He swung the door open wide, already armed with a glass of wine, and handed it over to me. “I figured you’d need that right away.”
In my typical, dorky way, I started blabbering. “Yeah, I mean, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing or what to expect, or what you like or . . . like, how I’m supposed to do it . . . or look or feel . . .”
“Stop, Grace. We don’t need to talk about it. Just drink your wine and we’ll hang out. Just relax and be us.”
“Good idea.” I went to his CDs and found Radiohead and put on The Bends album.
“Nice choice, lady,” he said from the other side of the room as he threw a few things in his bag.
He was shirtless, and his unbelted black jeans were hanging below the line of his boxers.
I lay across his bed, set my wine on the floor, and picked up his camera. “Say cheese.”
He turned around and smiled as I stared at him through the viewfinder. “You’re much better on the other side of that thing. Here.” He reached for it and I happily handed it over.
I rolled onto my back and put my knees up, letting my dress fall to the tops of my thighs. He started snapping away. “You’re so beautiful, Grace.”
“But do you think I’m sexy?”
“Yes. Very.”
I sat up at the edge of the bed as he set the camera on the nightstand. I took the last sip of my wine just as the song “Fake Plastic Trees” came on. “I love this one.”
He reached down for the hem of my dress as I went for the button of his jeans.
“Stand up, baby.”
“I don’t know what to do, Matt.”
“You will.”
He lifted the dress over my head and then braced the back of my neck and kissed me like it was his only purpose in life. The temperature around our bodies tripled. His other hand ran down my back, to my bottom, and then slipped under the lace. I could feel him hard against me.
Breaking the kiss, I stepped back. His chest was pumping in and out. I watched as he took me in, standing there, waiting for him, wanting him.
He nodded with wide eyes. “I like this.”
Something came over me, and I felt encouraged and confident, for once. I closed the distance between us, pulled his jeans and boxers down, and dropped to my knees.
“Wow.” Wait, did I just say “Wow”?; I felt so silly. I was incapable of being the hot girl; I couldn’t just act like I knew what I was doing, especially now that I was staring that thing down. All the unabashed confidence disappeared in an instant. I heard Matt chuckle.
“Stand up, Grace.”
“Why?” I whined as he lifted me from under my arms. I looked up at his face and he was smiling, teeth and all.
“You are the cutest fucking thing in the world, do you know that?’
I crossed my arms over my chest and made a pouty face. “I was going for sexy, dammit.”