No matter how much air I pulled into my lungs, it didn’t seem like enough. My heart was buzzing like a hummingbird in my chest, and my head was spinning. I begged myself to pull it together, but the harder I tried to fight the overwhelmed, panicked feeling, the worse it became.
“Falyn?” Taylor said, slowly opening the door. He was appalled at the sight of me, and he set the plate of leftovers on the dresser by the door. “Christ, you’re white as a sheet.” He sat next to me, taking my water and brushing my bangs from my face. “No wonder your parents didn’t want you coming here. Whatever you’re trying to do, you’re not ready for it.”
I shook my head.
“Take a drink,” Taylor said, helping me up and then reaching for the glass on the dresser. He placed it in my hands.
I took a sip. “I’m okay,” I said finally.
“No, goddamn it, you’re not okay. This isn’t okay.”
I took another drink and then blew out a breath. “Really. This is stupid. I’m fine.”
Taylor frowned. “In the beginning, I knew that if I let myself get too close, I was going to get burned. I’ll be damned if you’re not the one trying to keep me at arm’s length.”
“Maybe I’m the one saving you.”
He shook his head. “Quit trying to push me away, Falyn. I’m not leaving. I’m going to stay here until I’m on fire.”
“Stop,” I said simply. “You need to stop.”
His expression softened. “I can’t. I’ve never needed anyone until I met you.”
Our eyes met, but I had no words to offer. Taylor made me feel safe, the same feeling I imagined that Kirby felt when walking down a dark alley with Gunnar. It was the kind of safety you might feel with a superhero.
“I need you, too,” I whispered.
“I know,” he said, looking down.
“No. I don’t mean, I need your help. I mean, you.”
He looked up at me with hope in his eyes.
His protection didn’t make me weak. It just reminded me that I was valued. I wasn’t the worthless girl who lived in the reflection of my parents’ eyes. Taylor was a hero, but that didn’t mean he saw me as a victim. Someone who made you feel safe and strong at the same time could only be a good thing. That wasn’t something a girl like me could ignore.
He nodded toward the door. “What was that about? Downstairs.”
“I just wasn’t prepared.”
“For what?”
“For her. I’m okay now.”
“You sure?” he asked, touching my knee.
“Why was Olive with Trent?” I asked.
Taylor shrugged. “He watches her sometimes for Shane and Liza.”
“Your twenty-something brother, covered in tattoos, watches Olive? How did that come about?”
“Falyn—”
“Just,” I snapped, “please answer.”
“I’m … not really sure. Trenton’s a good guy. Shane and Trent get along. Since Olive’s brother died …”
“Austin. You can say his name.”
Taylor shifted, uncomfortable. “Since Austin died, Shane and Liza have been seeing a therapist. They needed help to get through it, and with Olive to take care of, they were worried about being good parents. They go to therapy together, and then they have a date night twice a month.”
“They couldn’t find a nice high school girl to watch her?” I asked, my voice growing shrill with each question.
“Trenton would kill anyone who tried to hurt Olive. He’d take a bullet for her. Shane and Liza know that. They won’t find a better sitter than Trent. It’s weird, I know. But Trent’s lost someone, too. Olive is his best friend.”
“A little girl is your brother’s best friend? You don’t find that odd?”
“No, because I know my brother, and I know their story.”
I took in a deep breath.
“Falyn, you’re not going to go over there, are you? They don’t know you’re here, and I don’t think you can handle it.”
I shook my head.
Taylor was quiet for a while, and then he sighed. “You can tell me. My feelings won’t change. Was it you?”
“Was it me what?”
“I don’t know much about it. I mean … I only know the little bit Dad and Trent told me. I know it was an accident. I know no one was arrested. I can see you wanting their forgiveness, but, Falyn … they might not be ready to give it to you.”
I didn’t have a response.
“Are you the one who … you know … the one who hit Austin? Were you driving?”
My eyes filled with tears, and I looked down.
Taylor draped his arm across my shoulders, his hand cupping my upper arm and squeezing me to his side. “It’s okay. It was an accident.”
“It wasn’t an accident,” I said, wiping my eyes.
I looked up at Taylor, and his brown irises bounced from one of my eyes to the other.
He hesitated. “What do you mean?”
“It wasn’t me. I didn’t take their son, Taylor. I gave them my daughter.”
Taylor recoiled, pulling his hand away.
“You thought I was the one who hit and killed Olive’s brother, Austin?” When he didn’t speak, I continued, “Now, it makes sense when you mentioned earlier that I didn’t drive.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked.
“I’m not here because of Austin. It’s Olive.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Olive?”
“My parents didn’t want anyone to know about her because of my father’s plans. My father was the mayor in Colorado Springs. He decided to run for governor of Colorado in the next election.”
“So, this year,” Taylor said, unhappy. “What does that have to do with Shane and Liza … or Olive? I’m really fucking confused right now. You’re saying a lot, but you’re not telling me anything.”
I wiped a tear that had escaped down my cheek. “She’s … mine.”
Taylor stared at me as if I were on fire. “But she’s, like … a kindergartner.” He shook his head. “How does no one know about this? I don’t understand how you’ve kept it a secret all this time.”
“My parents know. And Phaedra and Chuck know. A lot of people suspect. There’ve been rumors. A lot of rumors.”
“Kirby?” he asked.
I shook my head.