My body seemed to sink through the mattress. In that moment, with my lips still tingling with the touch of his, I didn’t—couldn’t—think about all the things that were wrong. “That was better than good. That was great.”
He kissed me again, but this time with a slow, sweet sweep of his lips. It was those soft, dragging kisses that affected me beyond the physical that caused the swelling warmth in my chest that spoke of love and forever and other tender, silly things I didn’t want to admit out loud.
But it still got me on a physical level. Even with the constant ache in my knee, the ache in other parts of my body hadn’t diminished. I wanted Jase on an almost painful level. The very idea of nothing between our bodies, of him inside me, nearly drove me crazy with the desire to explore.
Jase lifted his mouth from mine, breathing raggedly as he settled on his side beside me. I expected him to touch me. My breasts felt swollen and full with his hand so close, but he did nothing.
I turned my head toward him. His eyes were a fierce silver as he groaned deeply. “You keep looking at me like that, I’m going to strip the clothes off you and get so far deep inside you that I’ll never get out.”
Everything in my body tightened, and the muscles in my lower stomach spasmed in response to his words. “I don’t see anything wrong with that.”
He made that deep, sexy rumble again, and I burned partly due to my own boldness. “You make this so hard.”
“I do?” I reached for him, and as my fingers brushed the visible line in his jeans, he caught my wrist in a gentle grasp. In confusion, I raised my gaze to his.
His eyes squeezed closed. “Yeah, you make me hard. All the fucking time. I’m a constant walking erection around you, but I . . . I want to do this the right way.”
My fingers curled in as he held my hand near his chest. “The right way?”
When his eyes reopened, a slight pink flush stained his cheeks. “The right way. You know. Us not being just all about sex.”
My lips parted, but I didn’t say anything. I was stunned by the fact Jase was blushing and from what he’d said.
The hue in his cheeks deepened. “As hard as it is to go slow with this, because damn, baby, I want you in every way imaginable.” He lowered my hand and pressed his erection against my palm, proving his next words. “I want you so badly right now it’s killing me, but every girl I’ve been with since . . . since a really long time has only ever been about sex. Getting in. Getting off. Then getting out.”
“Like Steph?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
He cringed. “Yeah, like Steph. And that was okay with her—with them. Because as much as a dick as this makes me sound like, I didn’t care about them. Not like I care about you, Tess. I want this—I want us to be different. I want us to mean more than sex. I need us to mean more than that. Okay?”
As I stared at him, a knot climbed up and got lodged in my throat. Tears filled my eyes.
His pupils dilated as he dropped my hand and cupped my cheeks. “Baby, why are you about to cry? Did I—”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said quickly, my voice cracking. “You did everything perfectly.”
Confusion marked his expression. “I don’t understand.”
I laughed hoarsely. “It’s okay.” Leaning over, I kissed him. Whoever Jack’s mom was, was truly missing out. “It’s perfect.”
“You sure? Fuck what I think is right and wrong. Because I can get naked in like two seconds flat and be inside you quicker than that.”
I nodded and laughed again.
Jase rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. His warm breath danced over my lips. “I want to take you out on a date. I want to take you horseback riding. I want to tell your brother. I want to take you home to my parents and introduce you as my girlfriend. I want to prove this means more to me. I want to do this the right way.”
My chest squeezed under the pressure of what I felt for him in that moment. If I hadn’t already tumbled head over heels in love with him, I would’ve tonight, but I was already lost in him. Those three little words formed on my tongue, but I kept them to myself as I snuggled closer, closed my eyes, and allowed myself to just enjoy his closeness and his almost desperate want to do this the right way.
In spite of all the stuff running through my head, I slept like the dead after Jase left, waking up oddly refreshed. I’d thought Wednesday morning would be hard to face, waking up to a future I hadn’t planned, but if anything, what I really felt was an odd sense of anticipation.
As I got ready for classes, I received a text from Jase. He wouldn’t be in music but would be there to pick me up afterward. When I asked if everything was okay, he’d replied with a quick text saying everything was cool.
Excitement was palpable in the halls of Whitehall. Somehow I’d forgotten that we didn’t have classes Thursday or Friday. Fall break—a four-day weekend. History wasn’t nearly as crowded, but maneuvering with crutches was still damn inconveniencing.