I walked closer to the bed and my stomach dropped. The sight before me was horrific. I felt as though I’d been punched in the gut.
A thick, jagged and raised pink scar ran on his left side from his ribs, down his side, and around his hip. It wasn’t the only scar. Some were jagged, others straight, but all were smaller than the one on his side, marring his beautiful body. There were holes next to some, indicating the wound had been stitched or stapled up. His left leg held the second largest scar, and it ran from above his knee to halfway down his shin. I studied his face as I tried to keep myself together. That was when I noticed the star shaped scar in his hairline, right above his ear.
It was part of his puzzle, a big piece of his mystery. Something had happened to him, something terrible, and he shut himself off to everything. My heart was breaking as I took in the sight of the evidence of his once broken body.
Tears flowed in steady streams down my face when I dropped to the ground, my legs giving out. I erupted in violent shakes, arms wrapping around my body, trying desperately to keep the sob that was threatening to escape within me.
“Lila?” His voice was groggy and thick with sleep. He jumped out of bed and stood in front of me, giving me the full view of his body and all the damage that had been inflicted. The sob broke from my chest, and it was painful and raw. “Lila?”
He dropped down on the ground in front of me, and I flung my arms around his neck, pulling him close. Tears were falling from my eyes as his arms wrapped around my body, his head dipping into the crook of my neck.
“What happened? What happened to you?” I asked through my sobs. His grip grew tighter as if he was using my body to hold his own together, to keep himself from breaking.
“Please, don’t ask me that. Please… I can’t…”
We held each other on the floor for what seemed like hours until my tears stopped. I leaned away from him to see a frightened look in his eyes. My gaze wandered his body, my fingers reaching out to trace the large scar around his hip. He didn’t flinch at my investigation, but stared at me in wonder.
He leaned in and took my bottom lip between his teeth, staring into my eyes. He was searching for something, but he couldn’t find it.
“Push me away; you have to,” he demanded. His eyes were haunted and scared.
“No.”
“Push me away!”
“I can’t!” I cried out, the tears returning.
His body sagged. “Why? Tell me why…say it.”
My heart was breaking for the hollow, empty shell of a man in front of me. “Because I want you! I want you so much it hurts! I need all of you, and I can’t deny it anymore.”
He looked down at me, his inner conflict and turmoil evident on his face.
His fingers brushed strands of hair behind my ear as he cupped my face. “I can’t give you what you want, beautiful. I’ll only hurt you.”
“It’s okay. If it’s you, I don’t mind.”
“Stop,” he pleaded, his hands coming up in surrender. “Let’s just go back to bed.”
“Okay…okay.”
With that, we returned to the sanctuary that was his bed, and curled up in each other’s arms. It seemed to be what we both wanted, what we both needed. He was relenting, if even a little, and letting himself simply be.
CHAPTER 9
It’d been a week since I admitted to myself I was altered. That Nathan had altered me. The growing feelings for him I’d kept hidden, were out. The night after we left the club made me face that fact. How I thought and felt about him changed; he wasn’t the asshole I thought he was when I first met him. He was a broken man, and it made me wonder – can two broken souls make one whole person?