He released my lips. “Who is he, this Andrew?”
I blinked at him. Was he jealous? I wanted him to be jealous; it would mean I amounted to something to him.
“Andrew is my ex-boyfriend.” I was still confused as I answered. His eyes were hard, his muscles tight. “Nathan?”
His lips crashed to mine again before moving away. The sound of splintering drywall filled the room as my eyes opened to find where he had gone.
Nathan’s fist was imbedded in the wall.
“Nathan!” I ran to help him pull his hand out. That was when I got a look at the entry wall. Seven. I counted seven other holes in the drywall. “Why?”
I gazed at him, the inexplicable man in front of me. He confused me so much I never knew which way was up.
“You. You do this to me. Every time… You make me so angry,” he admitted.
I might have been scared if it hadn’t been for the burning in his eyes and his fingertips, caressing my cheek. “I slept with my dress shirt on the other night because it smelled like you, and that pisses me off! I’m mad at myself and pissed at you for wrapping me around your little fucking finger.”
“But I didn’t…”
“I know!” he yelled, his anger seeping from him. “And that ticks me off more. I hate that you turn me on. I hate the way I need you all the fucking time. I don’t want that. I can’t want that. I can’t want you…but I do, so fucking much I do.”
“I want you, too.”
Pain flitted across his face. “I hated every male that even looked at you tonight and wanted to hurt the one that dared touch you. I wanted to scream out mine to keep them all at bay. But I can’t; I can’t claim you like that. I will consume you.”
“Why me?” The question snuck past my lips before I could stop it. My strength gave out, and I sunk to the floor.
“What did you say?” He seemed to be in complete disbelief as he stared down at me.
“I’m nothing. Drew leaving me proved them right. I’m nothing special. Plain, boring, pitiful, ugly Lila. Worthless.”
“You shut that shit up right now!” He took a few calming breaths before sitting down on the floor in front of me. “You are beautiful, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, fun as hell to tease, and so fucking sexy I have trouble keeping my hands off you. You make it so hard to stay away… I want you so much. I’ve tried so hard, but you keep fucking drawing me in.”
“Then why? Why can’t we…”
“Because I can’t. I can’t love you. I can’t allow myself to pursue you, Lila. A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t waste your time on me.”
“But, you said I wasn’t ‘that pretty’.”
He jumped to his feet startling me. “Shit. I was being a sarcastic asshole and was going to tell you I was joking, but you fucking threw me with your response. I’m used to women arguing against me, but you agreed. That shit is fucked up.” He paced in front of me, his brow twisted, fingers tugging at his hair in agitation.
I stared at him in disbelief. Boy, drunk me was envisioning quite a different Nathan. He couldn’t have admitted all of that. I was delusional. I had to be. Right?
I picked myself up off the floor. “Don’t you want to know what I think?”
“No, it doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t matter that I want you?”
His jaw tightened, and his eyes squeezed shut. “Please don’t.”
I looked up at him, my head tilting, trying to find the words for the idea rattling in my head. It wasn’t much, but it would be something. I was pathetic enough to settle for something.
“We can’t…be?”
“Be? Be, how?”
“Like we have been?”
He pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “You don’t really want that with me.”
“What if I do?”
“Drop it, Lila.” His tone was harsh and silenced me. I had gotten more out of him tonight than I ever expected to.
“Well, goodnight then.” I turned toward the door. His hand caught my wrist and spun me around.