Chapter 8
The next morning comes way too quickly but I wake with a new resolve that it will be a good day. I have to deal with Axel but I won’t be doing that today. Sundays are usually the day that Dee and I lounge around the house, catching up on our DVR backlog and spend some time just the two of us. Since our normal ‘Sunday Funday’ was interrupted with the new drama in my life, we rescheduled for today. Dee called into work saying she wouldn’t be in today and we started planning our ‘Monday Funday.’ This time together is important to us, especially with yesterday, so I’m happy to have this time today. We might live together but we stay pretty busy during the week, or at least she does. My work is a more ‘at your own pace’ thing, so I often find myself working at odd hours here and there.
Working from home has its benefits, well…one benefit: solitude.
I feel better by myself, being alone and not worrying about checking my surroundings every two seconds.
I feel safer.
I may have come a long way since Brandon but a lot of that has to do with my not leaving the house much. And when I do, I never leave alone. I stopped looking over my shoulders and fearing the shadows; I stopped living a life destined for death. I feel like I’m healing.
The first step to my healing was starting this new life. It took a while, but I am finally happy. Happy-ish. My business is growing and my friends are great. Both of my friends. I don’t need a million friends to feel like I have accomplished something with my life, I am perfectly content with Dee and Greg. I don’t trust easily, or at all, so this is progress and it works for me.
The first year and a half after Brandon, was spent in therapy and getting our life set up, buying the townhome, helping Dee get her new business up and running and finally starting my own. There really hasn’t been much time for me to just be me, it was a healthy, or maybe a not so healthy, distraction phase. It took me a while to decide that I was okay enough to start living again and I won’t let Axel’s change that.
So, it is time to do what Izzy West does best: distract.
Dee and I spend all day Monday lying around the house and watching old 80’s movies. We turn all the phones off, close the blinds and just enjoy spending the day together without the world stomping all over us. If Greg tried to call, we didn’t know, and that is just fine with me. I am not ready to deal with his intrusive questions right now.
Tuesday is spent catching up on my work and fielding calls from Greg. I fake work issues and I am able to put him off. I know this won’t work, but once again, I am not ready for him. I don’t completely lie to him; I do have plenty of work I need to get a good head start on. Word is spreading quickly and I have finally picked up some, rather large, businesses out of Atlanta. Dee is gone longer than normal on Tuesday; I know she is in the middle of some issues with her branch back in North Carolina. So, by the time she gets home, she is too tired to push much from me. Again, works perfectly for me.
Wednesday is spent running errands around town, cleaning out my closet, and organizing the pantry. I even scrub all three toilets in the house.
By the time Thursday rolls around, I am running out of excuses to beg off Greg and I am running out of things to keep me distracted. Worst yet, Saturday is looming even closer and closer. Greg seems to be busy enough trying to get the new and improved Corps Security up and running, for once the timing was working out in my benefit. He calls twice but when I send them both to voicemail he must have given up. I should be worried about him going silent on me, but I am too busy trying to keep my panic about Saturday down.
Friday is spent hand mopping the floors and dusting every surface in the whole damn townhome. Dee is working from home today and I am sure she is starting to think I have lost it. I had just sat down in front of our massive DVD collection to re-alphabetize it, again, when I heard my phone start ringing. I jump up and run off to my room to see if I can ignore Greg’s call again. When I pick up my phone and see, “Axel ‘Holt’” calling, I scream and drop it. I run back into the living room and pick my stupid mind-numbing task back up. I hear my phone ring three more times before I’m done. Deciding I need to bring out the big guns in my mission to distract, I set off to find Dee.
This is going to be easy enough, even if it is painful for me. All it will take is one mention of her finally getting that makeover she’s been after and I’ve been dreading, for her to forget everything else and focus only on shopping. It might be a dirty trick, but it is the only one I have at the moment.
I will have to spend a day with Dee, allowing her to take over and drag me all over the state shopping but it will work. Not only will I successfully not be thinking about anything besides how much money she is costing me, but I will be away from the house and Axel won’t be able to find me. I hate shopping but if this works the payoff might be worth it.
Me and Dee against the world, she might not know it, but she is about to become my hero.
My ears have finally stopped ringing from Dee’s insane screeching when I announced I am finally ready to shed my ‘ratty ass jeans’ and tees and let her work her magic. Just as I thought, she immediately went into crazy mode and forgot about the world around her. Sometimes I love how easy it is to basically bribe her.
It is early Saturday morning and we have been at the mall for a few hours when my phone rings, looking at the display, I can’t help but smile when I see “Greg Calling” across the screen. I have successfully kept him away all week and now that I am away from the house and Axel’s reach, I am finally going to pick this call up.
“Hey you,” I smile into the phone.
“Baby girl, you speaking to me today?” His deep baritone rumbles through the line.
“Depends on you, what do you want to speak about?”
“Alright, I guess that’s a no. What are you doing? I drove by the house but no one was there.”
“Shopping!” My voice must be dripping with sarcasm, “Dee and I are over at Lenox Mall; I’ve decided it’s time for a new wardrobe. Going all out, you should meet us over here…carry all the bags or something productive like that. It will be just so much fun.” Yup, sarcasm is hanging thick in the air. Dee is completely oblivious to my conversation; either that or she is just so in her element she decides to ignore it.
“Carry your bags, huh? You must be out of your damn mind if you think I will be joining you on that estrogen field trip, I like my balls right where they are.” He laughs back at me, finally losing that hard tone he seems to have adopted with me. I don’t like being at the receiving end of his anger.
“p-ssy,” I joke. “Big old p-ssy is afraid to come and walk around the mall with your best friends. I think you might have already lost those balls you’re so fond of, G.” I throw my head back and let out a loud laugh, earning a few nasty looks from the rich bitches out shopping for shit they do not need. Kind of like me, minus the rich part.
I can hear him trying not to laugh. This right here is the Greg I love so much, this banter between us.
“Come on, all joking aside, I think we will be stopping for lunch soon, or at least I hope my master will let me eat.” I look over at Dee, who has been vibrating with excitement since we started this grand makeover day, to confirm a plan for food at least somewhere in the near future. She isn’t looking anywhere near me, instead she is focusing on another store. I might as well just hand her my credit card and tell her to meet me back home. I haven’t had a single input on a single purchase since we started, and if the seven bags hanging from my arms aren’t enough, I might just run. What the hell was I thinking?
Oh, that’s right…a distraction, being away from the house and away from Axel, who has already called three times since the day began.
Clearing my throat, I speak into the phone again, even if Dee doesn’t agree, we will be eating soon. “So, what have ya? Want to meet us over here or what?”
“Sure, Iz, if that is how we are going to play today, I’ll meet you there. I’ll call you when I get there and find out how to track you down.”
“Perfect, just give me a ring and you can save me!” I look over at Dee to make sure she at least has some understanding of this new plan. She looks disappointed we have to stop but, Christ woman, I can only shop for so long without food.
“See ya then, baby girl.” He disconnects and I pocket my phone, turning with a bright smile to Dee. She has the most ridiculous pout on her face.
“Stop that right now, Dee. I have been a good little girl and followed you around like a little bitch while you racked up thousands of dollars of shit on my card. I don’t think feeding me is too much to ask, huh?” I try for stern but end up laughing in her face when she has the nerve to wobble her chin like she might cry.
“Okay, okay…but if we have to stop soon, we’re going to Neiman’s first. Shoes, Iz, I can hear them calling our names from here.”
Freaking weirdo.
Almost an hour later I am finally able to drag Dee away. Greg has been calling for the last fifteen minutes, asking why the hell we haven’t popped out of this ‘stupid f*cking girly store’ yet. I can just picture him pacing the entrance to Neiman’s now. He would die before he stepped one badass foot in here. We walk out with six more bags. Six f*cking bags. I swear I will end up selling a kidney to pay off my next credit card statement.
Greg is, as predicted, pacing in a tight line. When he finally spots us, he stops and crosses his arms over his bulky chest, throwing that scowl back in place. It wouldn’t kill him to at least look happy to be here, but even grumpy I’m glad he’s here.
“Holy shit, now that is definitely worth stopping our shopping for.” I’m a little taken back by Dee’s husky whisper, I had been so focused on uncomfortable Greg, that I hadn’t noticed the good-looking man next to him. Joe? No, that’s not right. I vaguely remember him from the club the other night. A friend of Greg’s, his boy, which means he is a friend of Axel’s too. Lovely. I really hope this isn’t some ploy from Greg to get me to open up. I don’t know how much these other men know about my past with Axel, but I won’t be opening up to him today.
Sauntering up to the men, Dee and I both take turns giving Greg warm hugs. He might annoy the shit out of me at times but he means well. Right now, though, it’s hard to remember he is coming from a good place with his caring and protectiveness.
I start thrusting bags into his arms, not even giving him a chance to reject them, looking over at Dee to see her practically drooling over the man standing next to Greg. She doesn’t even seem to notice her fingers turning blue from her heavy burdens. I look over at Greg, with a twitch of my head at Dee and a smirk, he laughs but still looks pissed that I’m making him carry my bags.
“Dee, quit.” I whisper quietly at her. She shakes her head and looks over at me with rosy cheeks and lust filled eyes. Oh kay…looks like Dee won’t be pissed about stopping this trip anymore.
Greg finally has all my bags in order, huffing his attitude, “You two remember Beck?” He jerks his head over at his friend. Beck, that’s right, John Beckett. I mumble a hello, but notice he isn’t focusing on me; he and Dee are practically past foreplay and moving into some serious hot sex with their eyes. Interesting development here. Dee has her fun, but I can’t remember the last time she took interest in a man like this. She’s focused on her career and for the last few years her focus has been me. I feel guilty about keeping her from finding love but she insists that she wouldn’t have it any other way.
I look back at Greg to see if he has noticed the sparks flying between Dee and Beck and notice his shock matching my own.
I clear my throat, hoping to stop this eye f*ck before they both have some weird orgasm in the middle of the mall, “So…”
Greg laughs when they both jerk like they got caught stealing, “You two want to stop this shopping shit and head over to Heavy’s for some BBQ?” He suggests, knowing that Heavy’s is my favorite place in town. Dirty tricks, looks like he’s bringing out the big dogs today.
“Beck, did you know that sex is biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate?” I can’t help but laugh at that one, or maybe it’s his face alone that’s hilarious. Dee and I have spent the last hour sitting here spouting off useless sex facts. It’s hilarious to watch these two big men squirm. Greg is used to this but Beck seems to be having an issue with our topic of choice, probably because he is still back at the mall having creepy eye sex with my best friend.
“It’s true, you know,” she pipes up, “I can get just enough pleasure from a bag of Kisses than I can from any man.” I look over at Dee and laugh so hard I have to hold my sides.
“You are not wrong my friend, Kisses are so much more pleasurable than any of my battery operated boyfriends. Just as satisfying but no work necessary.” I think we are on our second, no make that fourth, pitcher of beer now and my laughs are coming so frequently, I’m worried I might piss on myself at any moment.
“Iz, you’re nuts…anything is better than a f*cking dildo. I’m talking real men here but throw me some chocolate and I’m golden.”
My laughter is coming even louder now, when I see the shock of what she just said register on her face.
“Sugar,” Beck interrupts my ruckus with a wink. “If chocolate is more fulfilling than sex, then someone isn’t doing their job right.” He smiles back over at me but quickly turns his eyes back on Dee. A Dee that, I noticed, that has gone silent again.
I’m sitting between Greg and Dee at the round high top we claimed when we arrived at Heavy’s. Greg keeps pushing more food in front of me; he must think he can somehow slow down my drunk by keeping me full of shit.
Whatever.
“I don’t know what her reason is, but that’s just it for me. It’s better because ‘the someone’ doesn’t exist anymore. I get my kicks where I can.” I punctuate my seriousness with a stab towards them with the fry I’m munching on. “I’ve got chocolate, and chocolate induced satisfaction. I love chocolate. Might get messy sometimes but there is no drama.”
Dee is nodding her head enthusiastically now, “It’s true, and you should see our chocolate stash. We’re good for, at least, a solid year of orgasms. Who needs a boy when you have Hershey’s!”
Greg smiles over at us, laughing right along with Beck now. “You two are f*cking nuts, you know that?”
I open my mouth to respond when Dee yells, “Hey, is it true that you guys think about sex seven times a day?” She is looking directly at Beck; I might laugh if I didn’t decide there was a serious need in this knowledge. I stop long enough to ponder that one. I’ve never really given that much thought, case in point, I am not having sex, therefore why do I need to think about it. “Yeah, is it something like, because you have a giant dick bobbing around down there, you are constantly reminded to think about using it? Like you have some sex beacon?” I am completely serious right now.
Beck and Greg look at each other, then back at us, then they throw their heads back and laugh so deep and so loud they draw the attention of almost the whole place.
I don’t think they understand how serious I am right now. “This isn’t funny,” I pout.
Greg stops laughing and starts to answer with humor twinkling in his eyes but his phone interrupts him. Glancing down at the display with a small frown, he excuses himself from the table.
Okay, whatever. I look over at Beck and throw my question back at him, “So? Do you? Do you think about sex that much?”
“Sugar,” he starts, before turning his attention back over to Dee, “I have thought about sex, hard f*cking dirty sex, about a hundred times since we sat down to eat.” Looking back over at me, “Does that clear it up for you?”
Oh, my.
“Ah, well…okay. I think we need more beer!” I grab the empty pitcher and take off to find the waitress for more. I glance back at the table on my way to the bar and notice that Dee is still locking eyes with Beck, a look of complete rapture on her face.
I take my time returning, giving those two dirty perverts a second to do whatever it is they seem to be doing, before I make my way back over.
“So, what’s next on the schedule for today, or I guess tonight now?” I ask, trying my hardest not to snicker at my two tablemates. If this gets any more heated, I might feel like I was an unwilling threesome participant.
Dee clears her throat and looks over at me, lust still clouding her brown eyes. “Um. I know, let’s go get some tattoos! You keep talking about how much you want one.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Dee. I think they frown on people being a mile over the legal drinking limit.”
Dee and I continue our debate on the benefits of getting tattoos when you are far from sober, when Greg returns. The laughter and lightness that had taken over his face is gone, and his scowl is back. Looks like grumpy Greg is back.
“G, Dee wants to go get some ink, personally, I think it might not be the best idea…you know, numerous pitchers of beer and all, what do you think?” He seems shocked by my question. Maybe he was expecting me to push him on his mood or it could be the fact that I have suddenly decided branding myself with something permanent might be a good idea.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, baby girl. Not something you do when you aren’t thinking straight and damn sure not something you do when your head isn’t in the right place.” He’s looking right at me when he says that, there is no denying, he is only speaking to me. No joking to be found in his tone now, seriousness is painted heavily all over that reply. No f*cking way, I knew he wouldn’t be able to leave it be for long and that comment just pisses me the hell off. My head is fine just where it is and I do not want him psychoanalyzing me.
I look over at Dee, who seems to be just as shocked at his answer as I am. Which just further pisses me off. Damn infuriating man. “Dee, where’s that place you told me about the other day? You know the one your assistant was telling you about?”
She looks at me, trying to judge if I’m serious or not and I practically bug my eyes out of their sockets to communicate that I was very f*cking serious.
“Right, you mean Smudge, the new parlor over on Grove. She said the big guy that does her work, is the best, but I couldn’t tell you his name.”
“Perfect, just perfect. Finish up people, places to go.” I clap my hands together and look at Greg with all the seriousness I have in me. He will not stop me. No way in hell, he would have to lock me up now. “Head not in the right place,” f*cking a*shole. He’s pissed, I know he is. I down another two beers, locking eyes with Dee. She has a look about her that says she’s down for whatever but clearly confused by my agreement to visit Smudge. She brought it up, so she better be ready.
Greg leans over and says something to Beck before getting up and marching out the door again. I watch him throw the door open and storm out, I look over at Beck. “What the hell is his problem now?”
“Don’t know sugar, he just said he needed to do something and he would meet us there.”
Okay, I might have overreacted slightly, but you know what, I am sick of being treated with kid gloves, like some breakable porcelain doll that might shatter with the smallest touch. My path to find the old Izzy starts right now and I’m not going to let Greg and his shit-fit mess this up.
“You two almost ready to go? I’m going to go track down our ticket so we can get out of here. Think about what you want to get, you little bitch, remember this was your idea.” I stand up and walk off, once again, leaving them at the table but I doubt they are drenched in their lust cloud anymore. Beck is probably trying to figure out what brand of f*cked up he has stumbled on and Dee is probably back to worrying. At least this time she isn’t worried about my mental stability, or at least I hope she isn’t. She is probably worried about this big-ass boulder that seems to have popped up between Greg and me.