Replaced by a bad relationship. Fighting. Regrets. Then when Crystal was rejected for another woman, she retaliated by taking me away from my father.
She’s spent all these years searching for the approval she had as a child—through sexual relationships with men and a twisted relationship with me. I was the one who had to give her the right praise and approval, to validate her, while she never stopped resenting me for being the cause of her downfall.
I get it on an intellectual, psychological level.
Emotionally, it still hurts like a bad burn.
“I haven’t watched that video in ages,” I admit. “But I wanted you to see it so you’ll understand where this is all coming from. I’ve always felt that my life has been shadowed by my mother, even though she hasn’t been part of my life since I was thirteen.”
“When was the last time you saw her?”
“Right after I married Dean.” I glance at Allie. “My father died when I was eleven. I’ve never known my mother’s parents or any of her family. But yesterday, I got a letter from a lawyer who told me my grandmother died and he’s handling the distribution of her estate.”
I tell her the whole story, ending with, “So I want to invest the money in the bookstore.”
Allie’s eyes widen behind her purple-framed glasses. “Oh, Liv.”
“You know I’ve been wanting to help you, to be a partner.” Excitement rises inside me. “Now I can, Allie. I actually have the money to do it. We don’t need to take out a loan anymore or worry about borrowing the money from Dean or your father.”
I jump up and start to pace. “I mean, I don’t have the check yet, but I’m signing the paperwork, and the lawyer is going to send it via courier next week. That gives us a few days to talk to the landlord and distributors, see if we can work out a payment schedule for—”
“Liv, no.”
“What?”
Allie shakes her head, looking dismayed. “You’re not investing your inheritance in the bookstore.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want you to.”
I stare at her. “But you said you’d love for me to be a partner.”
“I would, but not like this. I don’t want you to use your money to save a business that’ll probably still fail anyway.”
“You were fine with me applying for a business loan.”
“Because I was doing it with you, Liv. And because then, there was still a chance we could succeed. But with the rent hike on the building and losing our lease…” She shakes her head again. “The business is gone. It would be a waste of money to try and salvage it now.”
“But we can come up with a whole new business plan.” I spread my hands out. “We’ve talked about adding a café, establishing a membership, holding workshops. Now we have the capital to actually implement all of that.”
“I don’t want to, Liv.”
I can only look at her in disbelief. “Allie, we can save the bookstore.”
“No. We can try to save the bookstore, but it would be a huge risk. I don’t want you to lose your money, Liv. No way.”
This is so not the reaction I expected that I don’t know what to do. “But—”
“Liv, I love you to death. I’m so touched that you’d want to do this, but I just can’t let you. And honestly, I’m done with the bookstore anyway. It’s been such a struggle these past couple of years. It’s time for me to do something else.”
To my utter shock, tears sting my eyes. I hadn’t known until this moment how much I’d been looking forward to this—not only finally being able to help a friend, but also becoming a legitimate business owner.
“Don’t be upset, Liv.” Allie leaps off the sofa and hurries over to hug me. “There are so many other things you can do with the money.”
“I love the bookstore, Allie. You love the bookstore. How can you just give up?”
“I’m not giving up. Sometimes things have to end.”
My stomach tightens. “What if you don’t want them to end?”
“Then you try and start again,” Allie says. “Fall seven times, get up eight, right?”
“But you don’t even know what you’re going to do next.”
“I’ll find something.” She squeezes my arm. “You will too. Thank you for the offer, really. It means the world to me that you’d even consider doing such a thing. And you know I’d do anything for you, too.”
She blows me a kiss and heads out the door. I take the tape out of the VCR and toss it onto a table, then go to finish getting ready for the day. I walk to the Historical Museum, battling back the disappointment over Allie’s refusal.
Now what?
I can invest all the money in mutual funds, but even that wouldn’t put me on a path toward actually working for something of my own.
I glance at my watch, quickening my pace when I realize I’m almost late for my shift. As I turn on Emerald Street the door of a coffeehouse opens and a woman steps onto the sidewalk.
I stop. So does she. We stare at each other.
Then rage floods my chest. I tighten my hands into fists to prevent myself from clawing her eyes out.
She ducks her head and turns away.