“Maybe you might wanna learn to come to the obvious conclusion,” he suggested.
“And maybe you might wanna learn that this is me this is how I am. I’ve always got a million things on my mind. I don’t need more so you need to spell it out.”
He didn’t reply, just kept his mouth shut but I saw a muscle flex in his jaw.
“We need to talk about you moving in,” I went on and his other arm went around me at the waist, pulling me into his body and he did this hard so my hands were caught between us.
“I’m in.”
“Joe –”
He cut me off saying, “Seventeen years… no, longer… I’ve been waitin’ for you, waitin’ for those girls. You’re here and I’m lettin’ go of my shit, finally fuckin’ movin’ on from all that, movin’ on to something good in my life, something to wake up and get outta bed for and I’m not leavin’ it because of some hang up you have. You and me, I haven’t made it easy, I’ll admit that, but that’s done. You gotta get over it or you’re never gonna move on. I’m movin’ on, Kate and Keira are movin’ with me. It’s only you who’s gotta keep the fuck up.”
I felt winded again so I had to force out my, “Joe –”
“And I’m not livin’ under the cloud of how it began, Vi. I fucked up, you know why, I explained it. You don’t accept that, you keep handin’ me this shit, we’ll have problems we can’t overcome and then I’ll move on a different way and you’ll be right back where you fuckin’ started.”
I felt my body get tight. “Are you threatening to leave?”
“I’m not livin’ under that cloud,” he repeated.
“How can you threaten to leave when you’re arguing about staying?” I demanded to know (and I did this loudly).
“God fucking dammit,” he bit out, his voice nearly a snarl then he let me go, turned away, ripped the sheet of paper off the top of the pad and stated, “I’m gettin’ steaks. Sort your fuckin’ head out while I’m gone.”
And as I stood in the kitchen staring at him, he whistled for the dog and both Mooch and Joe walked out (well, Mooch kind of trotted), they went to his truck and they drove to the store.
Why he took Mooch, I had no idea and I was too angry to care.
The time he spent at the store I did not spend, as ordered, sorting my “fuckin’” head out. Instead, I spent it thinking Joe was a jerk and I should never have started it with him. I spent more time thinking this was never going to work, primarily because he was a jerk.
He arrived home with two bags of groceries in one hand, his phone at his ear in his other hand and Mooch, in doggie heaven after getting a ride in Joe’s truck, at his heels.
He stayed on the phone while I started up the grill for the steaks and seasoned them (I also seasoned good steaks, salt and pepper, seasoning salt and Worcestershire sauce, brilliant), put some new potatoes on the boil and got the water ready for the peas when they needed to go in.
Then I took the steaks to the grill and was in the beginning processes of ruining them (with Tina sitting on her deck, reading a magazine and drinking a cocktail) when Joe came out and plucked the fork right out of my hand.
“I’m grilling steaks,” I snapped, glaring up at him.
“Yeah, now I’m grilling steaks,” Joe clipped back then fiddled with the knobs.
“What are you doing? I have it like I want it.”
“It’s too hot, Vi.”
“So?”
“You’re gonna burn ‘em.”
I crossed my arms on my chest, threw out a foot, tilted a hip and shot back, “I’ve been doing things just fine for nearly two years without your help, I think I can grill a couple fucking steaks.”
He glowered at me, I glared right back then he said, “Right,” handed me the fork and walked away.
I turned back to the grill, saw Tina smirking in my direction, I ignored her, readjusted the knobs and finished ruining the steaks.
Joe didn’t get a chance to eat his ruined steak since he took off, not saying good-bye.
I added that to my list of reasons why he needed to move the fuck out right, fucking, away.
Keira and Kate were both home before Joe and they both asked where he was. Since he didn’t tell me, I didn’t have an answer. They decided, wisely, not to pursue it. They had, I didn’t realize, been around when Tim and I fought and they knew, I didn’t realize, that I could hold a mean grudge. So they steered clear.
In fact it was dark, the girls were asleep and I was in bed by the time Joe got home and I’d been in bed a really long time.
Long enough to cool down, get my head sorted out and remember three things.