At Peace

“I’m so glad for you.” I was also still whispering.

“You got it in you to give that to Cal, don’t give up on him. Man’s empty, he needs someone to fill him up.”

I licked my lips and fought back the tears that sprung to my eyes.

Her hand released mine and she said, “Mike’s a good guy too. Don’t get me wrong. Whatever you decide, you decide and I’m right there with you, yeah?”

I nodded even though I knew, without a doubt, she liked Mike but she wanted me with Joe.

Great, just what I needed, more contradictory advice.

“What do you like on your pizza?” Feb asked. “If it isn’t olives and sausage, we’ll have to order another one. That’s all Cheryl’ll order, she never asks anyone what they want.”

“That sounds good, I’m not picky,” I told her.

“Great,” she replied. “Girls’ night at J&J’s on a Sunday, perfect. Best day of the week and one of the best things you can do, hangin’ with your girls.”

She wasn’t wrong so I nodded at her and smiled.

“Be back in a sec,” she told me and moved away.

I took a sip of Diet Coke.

I was glad I came to J&J’s, it was better than going to an empty house and eating dinner for one. It was lots better, especially since it turned into girls’ night.

The problem was, I came to get their help to get my head straight and I was more torn than ever.

*

I heard the sliding glass door open and I rolled to look at the clock.

Eleven twenty-three.

I rolled to my back, wishing I wasn’t awake and waiting for Joe; wishing I hadn’t, a half an hour ago, done a new kind of walk of shame, checking on the girls to make sure they were asleep; wishing I had magic because I’d been lying in bed the last hour and a half, thinking of that scene with Bonnie, how Joe had been after it, knowing now that he was empty, like Feb said, because he wouldn’t be able to survive that scene without getting torn up inside unless there was nothing to tear up. And I wanted the magic to be able to fill him up like Feb was. Make him laugh and smile regularly like she did. Give him that look she had, where you knew life for her was good but she didn’t take it for granted because she knew how it felt when life could be bad and she appreciated what she had.

I left my door open for him and Joe closed it then I watched his shadow walk to the bed. I saw him bend, his boots hitting the carpet, heard his clothes rustle as he moved then heard them fall to the ground. Then he reached in and my bedside light was on.

I blinked and felt the covers being swept back and was able to focus when the wall of his body hit me.

“Joe –”

I stopped speaking because his lips were on mine, his tongue spiking in my mouth, his hands going up the tee, his tee that I wore to bed.

He kissed me breathless then lifted his head, his hands still moving on my skin along my sides, hips, over my ass.

“Talked to Tina,” he told me in that way of his where he started a conversation in the middle like we’d been talking for awhile not making out after him just getting to my bed.

“Yeah?” I whispered because I still hadn’t gotten over his kiss and it wasn’t helping that his hands kept moving, lazy and light, on my skin.

“Yeah. Think she got the message.”

“What’d you say?” I asked, my hands drifting on his back, his sides, over his ass.

“Told her she didn’t see what she thought she saw. I hear it from anyone that she told someone she saw what she thought she saw, shit would go down where she might not be able to see anything, since her eyes would be swollen shut.”

My hands stopped moving and my eyes got wide. “You threatened her?”

“She’s Tina.”

“Yeah, but you threatened her?”

“Buddy, I already lived here when she moved in with her husband and I watched her take her time, fuckin’ years, cuttin’ off his balls. It was painful to watch. She’s a bitch. I know you know that but I don’t think you know how big a bitch she is.”

“She’s already scared of you,” I informed him.

“Good, then she’ll keep her trap shut.”

“Joe, you shouldn’t threaten women.”

“She isn’t ‘women’, she’s Tina.”

I couldn’t help it, even though I was horrified that he did what he did, my body started shaking with laughter because he was right.

“Anyway, wouldn’t actually do it but I know she doesn’t know what to make of me because she doesn’t know what to make of a man she can’t lead around by his dick so she doesn’t know I wouldn’t do it. So I’m guessin’ our secret is safe.”

My hands started moving again. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

He grinned down at me. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

My hands both slid over his ass and stopped, my fingers gripped and I lifted up to touch my mouth to his. “Turn out the light.”

“Nope,” he replied and my head settled back on the pillows.

“Nope?”

“Nope.”

“Joe –”

“Got shit we gotta get outta the way before we play.”

My hands flexed into his ass again but not for fun this time.

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