At Peace

“Morrie likes Cal,” Dee said. “So does Jack. Jack thinks he’s the shit. I heard him say once that, even when Cal was a kid he was sharp as a tack, damn near a genius. Said it was a waste, kid that intelligent was bein’ raised by a drunk. Said Cal had it better growin’ up, he’d be in a different place right now.”


This both surprised me and didn’t. I had an inkling that Joe was more than Joe let on he was because he was very wise, had a secretary, casually valet parked his car, owned a place in Florida and everyone knew the kind of clientele he had. People like that didn’t call on any average guy to set up their systems for them. They called on the best because they could afford to pay for the best.

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Cheryl asked. “Morrie and Jack like Mike too.”

“Just pointing out the facts,” Dee replied.

“Fact is, he’s hot. Fact is, he’s got a thing for Vi that runs deep enough for him to do what he’ll allow himself to do to take care of her and her girls. And the fact is, what he’ll allow himself to do is not what she needs,” Cheryl retorted to Dee and looked at me. “You got one life and the minute you popped out those babies, you gave yourself one priority in that life. You take care of you. If you take care of you then the rest will slot into place for those girls. They’ll learn, watchin’ you, that they gotta put themselves first, do what’s right for their peace of mind, find out what they need and settle for nothin’ less. Trust me on this, Vi, ‘cause I’ve lived the nightmare. You can’t live your life for someone else, you can’t go out there fixin’ all the men whose hearts are broken. That’s livin’ for someone else when you gotta be livin’ for you.” She leaned further into me and said softly, “You came in here knowin’ the answer to your question, babe, and you know it. He’s sexy as all hell, he makes you feel good and he gives it to you regular. You like it but that’s all you’re gonna get and you had everything once, you know how that feels and you also know you won’t settle for less.”

I just stared at her, silent. Not that I was participating in the conversation but I had nothing to say.

Because I knew she was right.

She kept talking. “You play with him as long as you want, your gut will tell you when the time is up. And you’re doin’ right, keepin’ Mike on that string. He’s hot too and gorgeous and you don’t want him to move on while you’re sorting your head out. You want him right where he needs to be when you’re ready to reel him in.”

“That’s selfish,” I whispered.

“That’s lookin’ out for you. Not one fuckin’ thing selfish about that and, you been honest, he knows the score and he told you flat out he’s willin’ to hang around. And he’s willin’ ‘cause he ain’t stupid. He knows what kind of woman you are and he knows in the end, you’re gonna be with him and his dog in that big, ole, six thousand dollar bed and he’s happy to wait. When your sexy neighbor doesn’t flinch at a man askin’ you out right in front of him, what’s that tell you about Mike?” Cheryl ended on a question.

I licked my lips, dropped my head and stared at my Diet Coke because I knew what that told me about Mike. Cheryl was right. I knew all of this before walking into the bar.

“Yeah,” Cheryl said gently, her hand covering mine which was resting on the bar. She gave it a squeeze then she said, “You’re probably drivin’ but I’m callin’ Reggie, gettin’ us a pizza. You fill your belly with pizza, you can also add a bit of vodka to the mix and you need vodka. Cheryl’s orders.”

After she delivered that line, she walked away, heading toward the phone.

I looked at Feb who was watching me but Dee spoke.

“Sorry about all this Vi. On the face of it, lotsa women would think this was a great problem to have. But I can tell it’s eatin’ you.”

That was an understatement. It was more than eating me.

To communicate that, I nodded and said, “Yeah.”

“You need to talk, get my number from Feb. Anytime, hon, yeah?” I nodded again and she leaned in. “I mean that, okay? Not fun, bein’ new in town and not havin’ your girls around you. So you need girls and I’m happy to be one of them. Cool?”

I smiled at her because this felt good and she was right, I did need girls and I said, “Cool.”

She smiled back, threw Feb a look and walked around the bar, lifting up the section that was hinged so she could go and collect empties.

“Vi,” Feb called and I looked from Dee to her and she leaned in too, her voice quiet, almost a whisper as she said, “I needed fixing.”

I swallowed and her hand came out, covered mine and held on tight.

“If Colt gave up, thought I wasn’t worth the effort…” she shook her head, “God, don’t know what I’d do.”

“Feb,” I whispered back.

“My life was shit, Vi, absolute shit. I was breathin’ but I wasn’t livin’. I felt nothin’, just moved through life, empty. Colt filled me up. He didn’t give up on me until I was full. Now, honey, life is so full, every day I wake up next to him and I feel like I’m bursting.” Her hand squeezed mine and she whispered, “It’s beautiful.”

Kristen Ashley's books